More than I could have ever wished for
More than I could have ever wished for***
Yoongi loved writing lyrics in his free time. For him, it was his own way to relieve stress, feelings and thoughts, which needed to be said out loud. Sometimes, it was hard to concentrate, because he was surrounded with sounds, scents and sense of reality. At those times, he withdrew to his own world, the small studio they had right beside their practice room. Spread on the black leather couch with a pillow underneath his head and a folder with few sheets of blank paper in his lap, he could finally set his mind free.
He slid one of his long fingers over the smooth surface of the paper, slowly closing his eyes and releasing a breath he didn´t know he was holding in. It was almost like a ritual for him, he did it every time he began to write something new. His thoughts were mostly abstract words which somehow became concrete, after he spilled them on the paper.
My steps are slower
They are more composed
Less uncertain
It´s because my soul is trembling now
Just the way my voice used to tremble,
when I wanted to say those words to you
so many times…
There was a silent sound of door opening, and from the way they quickly closed again, he instantly knew that Jimin came in. He came often just to sit by his feet, doing his own work, mostly things related with school and Yoongi never opposed, because the younger was always silent, never interrupting his train of thoughts. Today was different though. Jimin had no workbooks or markers with him.
He slowly walked to the couch and seated himself right in the middle.
“What are you writing?” he asked, curiously peering over to have a look at whatever Yoongi was writing. Was it even a question?
“It´s nothing actually.” the elder replied a bit too quickly, trying to hide the folder away from his sight. His voice was suddenly uncertain, and he wasn’t sure if it was because of Jimin wanting to see the words he recklessly scribbled on the paper, or because of the heat his hip radiated on the spot where it was touching his thigh.
He didn’t believe him. He knew he didn’t, because the younger was sending him that look again.
“What are you shy about all of a sudden? Let me see hyung!” he whined cutely, instantly using his chance to snatch the paper away from Yoongi´s grip. There was no point in trying to get it back actually, he always gets what he wants in the end and the rapper wasn’t in mood for bickering today.
Although Jimin hasn’t said anything, he was quite sure he had finished the reading by now. Fear slowly crept into his mind, that he found out the true meaning of his words. The kid was smart after all.
Yoongi just hoped his facial expression wasn’t matching the state of his mind. He doesn’t want to see his disgusted face after he finds out that he takes him for more than just a friend. He doesn’t want him to know about his fear of not hearing the silent click of the door shutting the next time he will be in the studio. He actually doesn’t want him to know at all, because what they have now is more than enough, more than he could have wished for.
“Hobi called. He was whining again about how we should get home already and that we have to wake up early tomorrow.” Jimin said out of nowhere, ripping Yoongi out of his thoughts. Normally, he would have laughed at the choice of the nickname he gave to Hoseok.
He was still looking at the paper, but his eyes weren’t moving anymore. He totally knows.
Yoongi froze. He averted his sight from the younger to the ceiling just in case he would look up to him. At this point, he didn’t dare to look at his face.
“But I don’t want to go yet.” there was a whisper coming from the younger this time and he leaned his head on Yoongi´s chest right after. With the sheet of the paper still in his hand, he let out a content sigh and closed his eyes. There is no way he was comfortable in the position he had been in, feet still on the floor and his waist twisted in what seemed to be a painful way, just to be able to lay his head on the elder.
“He is always complaining, such a wifey.” he whispered again, and this time, Yoongi couldn’t suppress a smile.
Yeah, this is definitely enough for now...
____________________________________________________________
crossposted to my livejournal.
Comments