Myungsoo sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, frustrated and angry and confused. He and Sungyeol hadn’t talked in days. Sungyeol wouldn’t sit next to him, talk to him, or even look at him. He didn’t get it.

          He didn’t understand why Sungyeol was angry at him, or however he felt towards him, because Sungyeol actually hasn’t glared at him or scoffed at him at all, which is what he always did when he was mad at Myungsoo. There was something different about this little game Sungyeol was playing. Even other times when Sungyeol had given him the silent treatment, he’d at least look at Myungsoo, but the past few days had been different. Sungyeol was acting like Myungsoo didn’t exist, as if he wasn’t there and their friendship was nothing.

          But Myungsoo knew their friendship wasn’t meaningless or easy to forget about. If Sungyeol had stopped being his friend, the dynamics of the group would be ruined, and they wouldn’t have been able to perform or even practice together in the same room. Sungyeol wouldn’t have dumped an extra blanket on his bed last night when he thought Myungsoo was asleep because it was cold if he didn’t care. Myungsoo knew that Sungyeol was still his friend, but what bothered him was that it seemed like Sungyeol didn’t want him know that.

***

          The minute the article came out about Myungsoo and Kim Doyeon dating, Woohyun had read it to the members. He was always the first one to know about any news related to Infinite. Everyone knew that Woohyun cared too much about what others thought of him and his group members. Myungsoo, however, almost never cared about the news or articles that came out. Things were always too repetitive or full of lies and deceit when it came to news about him and the members. He knew when they won an award, and he knew when a member was going to get to film a drama or get a solo album, so what was the use of reading other people writing about what he already knew?

Woohyun did this almost every day anyway, so Myungsoo had learned to tune him out. As Woohyun read through the article, Myungsoo just watched as Sungyeol’s face fell. Myungsoo, who was laying his head on Sungyeol’s lap, suddenly hissed as his head hit the floor. He rubbed his head and looked up at Sungyeol, about to glare at him and playfully pull him down so he could continue to rest. But when he looked up, Sungyeol was already on the other side of the room, as far away from Myungsoo as he could possibly get in that small practice room. He looked over Woohyun’s head to look at the phone in his hand, scanning the article with his eyes as Woohyun read it aloud to the rest of the members.

          Myungsoo slowly got up and ruffled his hair, not caring whether Sungyeol apologized about hurting his head. They were so close that they didn’t even need to say thank you or sorry to each other. They just said it for each other in their own heads. Myungsoo started to walk over to Sungyeol, planning to hold onto Sungyeol’s arm as Woohyun continued to read the article.

          Halfway across the room, Myungsoo had heard his name come from Woohyun’s mouth, and he stopped in his steps. Suddenly, the words Woohyun was saying were becoming more clear and Myungsoo knew exactly what he was reading about. He looked up at Sungyeol and noticed his best friend’s stoic expression. He saw the hurt look in his eyes and felt panic rush through his body. Myungsoo took a step towards the elder, but as soon as Woohyun finished reading the short article and the statement from Woollim, Sungyeol had left the room.

          Surprised at Sungyeol’s reaction, he looked around the room, and he was speechless with what he saw. It was just an article about him dating, he was sure that the members would’ve understood, but what he saw in their eyes when he looked around wasn’t understanding or pity because they knew how hard the next few days would be with him because of the fans and reporters. What he saw was disappointment, and he didn’t understand why they’d be disappointed. He could finally come out about his girlfriend—shouldn’t they at least be a little happy about that?

          He turned to try and follow Sungyeol outside, but he felt a hand on his shoulder holding him back. Turning around, he saw it was Sunggyu, which surprised him, because out of all the members, Sunggyu depended the most on Myungsoo to take care of Sungyeol’s emotional rants.

          “I don’t think he wants to see you right now, Myungsoo,” he said quietly. Sunggyu took his hand off the younger’s shoulder and turned towards the other members.

          “Woohyun, go make sure that Sungyeol’s ok. Dongwoo, how about you go too? I’ll be there in a little bit. Sungjong, Hoya, I want you two to go with Myungsoo and Jungryul back to the dorm.”

          Woohyun left before Sunggyu even finished his sentence, running out of the practice room, not sending Myungsoo a single glance. Dongwoo had waited, but only left a little slower than Woohyun did. He looked at Myungsoo for a quick second, bothering Myungsoo with his seriousness. The next thing Myungsoo knew, Hoya and Sungjong were by his side in the car while Jungryul was driving them back to the dorm.

          The rest of the night was a blur as netizens and fans commented and tweeted him their responses to the article. Sungyeol didn’t even enter their shared bedroom to sleep that night. He had heard Sungyeol’s snoring around 3AM, since he was waiting for his best friend to come back, and that was when he realized that Sungyeol wasn’t going to come in to talk to him that night.

***

          Sungyeol doesn’t sleep in his bed in their room anymore, and he had even taken his clothes out of his closet, leaving the room with no evidence of it ever being occupied by Sungyeol. Myungsoo had learned that Sungyeol had been sharing a bed with Woohyun since then, and it bothered Myungsoo, because the two weren’t supposed to be that close. That was supposed to be him and Sungyeol, not Woohyun. Woohyun was supposed to be close with Sunggyu. Sunggyu shouldn’t be the one rooming with him now. Sunggyu and Sungyeol should’ve never switched rooms.

***

          “Do you know why he’s mad at me, Sunggyu?” Myungsoo asked.

          The lights were off, and the two were each lying in their individual bed. Sunggyu didn’t like skin ship as much as the other members did and refused to sleep in a twin bed with another member, unlike Sungyeol who was probably sleeping in Woohyun’s arms at the moment. The thought suddenly angered Myungsoo and he sat up, making sure that Sunggyu heard him and answered him this time. Tonight wasn’t the first time that Myungsoo had asked Sunggyu that question, but every time before that, Sunggyu had pretended to be sleeping, and Myungsoo knows when Sunggyu is sleeping and when he’s not, because despite what Sunggyu believes, he actually does snore a little.

          Myungsoo waited a little for Sunggyu’s answer and sighed when he didn’t get one. He got up from his bed and walked over to Sunggyu, sitting at the end of the leader’s bed. He put his hand on Sunggyu’s blanket and started to shake the leader back and forth.

          “Sunggyu, I know you’re awake. I want you to answer me!” he whispered sharply. He knew that it was impolite to speak that way to Sunggyu, but he was so tired of everything and not knowing and seeing Sungyeol cling all over Woohyun instead of him, that he had thought of no other way to get Sunggyu’s attention.

          Sunggyu finally opened his eyes, sighing in frustration, since the leader obviously didn’t want to answer this question or get in the middle of his and Sungyeol’s spat or whatever it was. He sat up in his bed and glared at Myungsoo.

          “What? What do you want, Myungsoo?  Do you expect me to know whatever’s bothering Sungyeol? Why don’t you talk to him yourself?”

          Myungsoo stared at the leader, surprised at the tone that that leader was using with him. It wasn’t like Myungsoo had done something so terrible. He just wanted to know why his best friend wasn’t talking to him.

          “He won’t talk to me, Sunggyu! How can I figure out what’s wrong if he won’t even look at me?” he whined.

          Sunggyu rolled his eyes and put his face in his hands. He looked back up at Myungsoo and squint his eyes at him.

          “How hard have you tried to talk to him? Have you cornered him in a room alone? Have you made sure that you two get seated next to each other in the car? Have you even tried to call out his name first to tell him you need to talk, Myungsoo? You think everything’s so easy, and that Sungyeol will just give up and talk to you again like he always does, but it’s not going to happen this time. None of the other members are going to tell you what’s wrong, because even I know what’s wrong, and I’m not even that close with Sungyeol. It’s only you who doesn’t get it, and you should’ve been the first one to get it.”

          Hearing those words, Myungsoo was speechless. Even though he felt like he was being attacked by Sunggyu, as the words sunk into his head, he realized that the leader was right. He realized he never worked as hard as Sungyeol did to preserve their friendship; it was always Sungyeol giving up whenever they had a fight. Either way, Myungsoo still didn’t get it. Even if, this time, he’d have to talk to Sungyeol first, he still wanted to know what was going on with the elder. Their fights and arguments were never like this, and it worried Myungsoo to no end. He didn’t know whether Sungyeol was angry with him or tired of him.

          He heard Sunggyu sigh again and looked over at the sleepy leader.

          “If you want to talk to him, I suggest you go right now. We’re booked all week, and tomorrow morning is going to be the only free morning we’re going to get. So if you want to be alone while you two talk and work things out, might as well do it now.”

          “Shouldn’t he and Woohyun be sleeping now?” Myungsoo asked, the thought of Woohyun and Sungyeol sleeping together burning in his mind.

          Sunggyu shook his head. “No, he and Woohyun are probably talking. Woohyun has a habit of staying up late to talk about things. Even if there’s nothing to say, he’ll find something to say about nothing.”

          Somehow, the thought of the two having the nighttime conversations that he and Sungyeol used to have bothered Myungsoo even more than the thought of the two sharing a room. He nodded.

          “Ok, Sunggyu. I’ll go talk to him right now. Thank you,” he murmured as the leader layed back down and covered his face with his blanket.

          Myungsoo got up off of Sunggyu’s bed and slowly started to walk over to Woohyun’s room. Many thoughts went through his head as he walked the short distance to find Sungyeol.

          He wondered why he hadn’t thought about talking to Sungyeol earlier, but honestly he already knew the answer to that. He stood in front of Woohyun’s door, listening to the soft mumbling of Sungyeol and Woohyun’s voices. Myungsoo sighed.

          He was worried that Sungyeol liked him more than a friend; that Sungyeol was angry or bothered or whatever, because he was jealous of his girlfriend, who he hadn’t talked to in weeks, Kim Doyeon. He was scared that Sungyeol would confess to him and that their relationship would be ruined forever, because truthfully, despite always being jealous over who gets to interact with Sungyeol, Myungsoo didn’t think of him that way.

          He ran his fingers through his hair and stared at the doorknob for a while before finally taking a deep breath and opening the door.

***

          Sungyeol likes girls, Sungyeol likes girls, Sungyeol likes girls, Myungsoo repeated the words in his head as Sungyeol stood in front of him in the living room, Woohyun staying in his room to give them some space. Sungyeol was looking straight at him, but no one was saying anything. Myungsoo was worried, and he didn’t know what to say. Sunggyu told him to go talk to Sungyeol, but Myungsoo didn’t know what it was he should’ve said.

          He heard Sungyeol sigh, and he looked up at the elder.

          Sungyeol’s eyes were as hollow as they were when he had first read the article, and it bothered Myungsoo so much.

          “You still don’t know what’s bothering me, do you?” Sungyeol began.

          Myungsoo shook his head.

          “I really don’t.”

          “I thought I was your best friend,” Sungyeol continued, ignoring the little comment Myungsoo made.

          “You are!” Myungsoo interrupted again.

          Sungyeol went on.

          “You didn’t tell me anything about Kim Doyeon. You let me believe exactly what the fans believed. Do you know how much I cursed that poor girl in my head and to others because I thought she was crazy and just looking for attention? I don’t care if you were worried about your image, or if the company was trying to preserve the group image or whatever. You still should’ve at least let me know. Now I just—I just feel pathetic because you two were together! How could you not tell me about your four month relationship? Is that why you kept leaving to go ‘hang out with your friends’? Myungsoo, I can’t believe you’d lie to me. I thought you trusted me! I thought you just really missed your friends so I had to keep lying to Sunggyu and telling him you went to visit your family. I did that for you, Myungsoo. Were you really planning on having me find out about your relationship through a stupid news post?”

          Myungsoo felt his heart break. He didn’t realize that Sungyeol had felt this way. He actually didn’t know why he hid his relationship from Sungyeol and the other members. He could’ve easily told him from day one; he could’ve told him in September when the scandal first started, but he didn’t, and he really didn’t know why. Myungsoo saw the look on Sungyeol’s face and wanted to do anything to make his best friend smile again.

          Sungyeol blinked, and a tear fell from his eyes. He didn’t like Myungsoo’s silence at all, because it told him too much. He started to turn to go back to Woohyun’s room but felt Myungsoo grab his wrist.

          “Sungyeol, wait, hear me out,” he pleaded.

          Sungyeol looked down, more tears falling, and he laughed bitterly and quietly. He yanked his wrist out of Myungsoo’s grip.

          “N-No,” he responded, his voice trembling. “I don’t want to. You of all people should know how much I value honesty. P-Please give me some space for a while, ok?”

          Myungsoo felt a pressure behind his eyes. He didn’t want to cry, not now, not in front of Sungyeol. He just couldn’t. He didn’t like the sight of Sungyeol walking away from him at all.

          “Sungyeol, I’m sorry!” he cried out of desperation.

          But the moment the words escaped from his mouth, he knew he chose the wrong thing to say. He and Sungyeol were supposed to be the best of friends. They weren’t supposed to say thank you or sorry to each other, because they were supposed to already know what the other was thinking. Myungsoo just ruined it.

          Sungyeol stopped in front of Woohyun’s door, holding onto the doorknob.    He turned to look at Myungsoo and gave him a tear-filled smile.

          “Thanks for making things clear between us, Myungsoo. I’m sorry too.”

***

          Listening to Sungyeol and giving him the space he wanted turned out to be one of the worst decisions of Myungsoo’s life. Infinite was ok, of course, because he would never let his feelings get in the way of Infinite, or so he thought he did, and no one was physically hurt. Still, Myungsoo hated the outcome of giving Sungyeol space.

          Giving Sungyeol space meant that someone else could take his spot next to Sungyeol, and that was Woohyun.

          As time went by, more people were learning to accept his and Kim Doyeon’s relationship, and the number of people that still shipped Myungyeol together was decreasing by the day. Though he and Kim Doyeon still talked nowadays, they weren’t together anymore. They had broken up a little after Woohyun come out and asked Sungyeol to be his boyfriend in front of everyone onstage. Sungyeol had said yes, and Myungsoo had broken down inside. Kim Doyeon had noticed that, and she couldn’t help but point out that she wasn’t the person that Myungsoo was really in love with.

          Myungsoo was in love with the person he had pushed away.