Don't Look!
Just Keep Walking...
“You speak of being different,
But you are all the same.
You laugh at me for taking that step,
The step which defines me from you.
I do not regret taking that step,
The one you were never able to take.”
~ Aley Y ~
I stood side by side with my best-friend, it was the same for them.
Screaming and shouting surrounded us, everyone trying to express their love and be heard.
Not me though.
We stood at the back with smiles on our faces. I would shout my support as loud as I could, knowing I would never be heard, making me smile even more.
Once a year we would book tickets for the back row, in advance. Never expecting them to hear us, so we shout and laugh at how ridiculous the other is, with nonsense spilling out of our mouths.
Always leaving before the event was over. Never watching them thank everyone, including us, for giving them more money. That was how I saw it, anyway.
I do not like “Goodbye”'s, for it means we shall never see each other again. I prefer “Farewell”, I will be seeing them again but they won't be seeing me. Well, it was once like that.
We walk out with large smiles on our faces, laughing at the idiotic things we said about our love for them.
“They will never know of us, so why not make a fool of yourself?!” I remember the day I said that to my best-friend. I was right, at that point in time... Until they started to notice us.
We would cheer once a year and they would laugh as if we were all close friends. My best-friend and I went with our plan, as soon as they noticed us at in the back row, we would stop going... But we still attended their album signings.
It started to all go down hill for me after we stopped cheering from the back row. I was told my eye sight was rapidly deteriorating... And I was scared. It started with not noticing the tiny things which other people didn't notice on a daily basis but it scared me even more. Stumbling only over wires, I thought that I might get used to my lack of sight but I was proven wrong as I fell down a flight of stairs and ended up in hospital.
I could no longer attend your album signings without getting looks of pity.
Sitting in a hospital bed with only my best-friend for company. She would climb into my bed and we would both cry, curled up together. I saw darkness and all I felt was my own fear and pain. My head was between my knees and my petite hands clawing at my wrists and head.
I cried. I couldn't stop. There was so much I wanted out of life!
Everything was a cloudy blur. I was so happy I couldn't stop the sobs which escaped me. I could see some form of colour... It was a beautiful sight!
“What's wrong?!” Alice, my best-friend, panicked as I covered my mouth with my dainty hands. Tears were still streaming down my face but I had the largest smile on my face. Her dark-brown hair was longer then last time and her eyes had a sharp colour of amber, standing out on her blurry face.
“You've become even more beautiful...” I whispered, moving my hands away from my mouth to touch her face.
Later on she had told me that I was glowing when I whispered those words, it was as if my guardian angel had decided to stop my suffering. It took me a while to find out why she would randomly disappear, she was trying to keep up-to-date with signed albums whilst I couldn't go outside due to pride.
When I went to their most recent signing, they did not question why I had suddenly disappeared even though it looked like they wanted to, we just smiled at each other... And we all went back to teasing each other like old friends.
Nothing really changed but... I now no longer fear the darkness.
The darkness holds monsters but not all of them.
The monsters are everywhere...
"She loved a boy,
He didn't know,
But she couldn't let him go.
She screamed his name,
He didn't hear.
She tried again,
Once every year.
She cried once more,
As he stood and bowed.
She was just another girl,
In the crowd.”
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