C h a p t e r  6

Donghae stirred in his sleep, a slight frown on his face and opened his eyes. He blinked them a couple of times until he could see his surroundings clearly and needed a moment before he understood that he was lying on the sofa in the empty living room. It was silent in the dorm as he sat up; his gaze flitted over the backrest of the sofa to the kitchen and even there he couldn’t see anyone.

As he dragged his body up the couch and looked down his body, he realized that he was wearing different clothes than he remembered; someone had changed them. His gaze was stuck to the crook of his left arm and all the bruises it had because the shirt he was wearing now didn’t hide them. Donghae's eyes widened and his heart started thumping against his ribcage as he remembered the things that had happened – was it still the same day? - probably only a few hours ago.

They knew it.

Every single one of them knew it.

A shiver ran down his spine. He had disappointed them, had broken their trust and now wasn’t more than a burden to them. Now they had to live with the certainty to have a drug addict in their dorm, in their band, in their lives, and someone that couldn’t stand the pace. Someone that was too weak.          
Yes, he wasn’t more than a burden – to them and to anybody else. They didn’t want him anymore. Who wanted to be close to someone who was such a waste of time like him?

He bit his lip and finally stood up. With hurried steps he reached the kitchen only to make sure that he really was alone. Donghae stopped and listened carefully if there were any sounds coming out of the other rooms, but it stayed silent. Had they left him alone? Were they already sleeping? A quick glance out of the window made the last opportunity impossible – it was bright outside. So where were they?

Donghae could hear his heart pounding loudly in his ears and felt his stomach drop. They had abandoned him, he was sure of it now. They didn’t want to deal with him anymore. But the sadness that this conclusion triggered inside of him didn’t last long. Maybe it was better this way. He didn’t trust them anyway.

Loneliness had always been something he hated more than anything, but now it wasn’t that bad any longer. Not since he had found a place he could go to, a place where everything was alright again – and he could find this place only when he was alone.

His legs moved on their own and without knowing what he was doing, he already stood in the entrance area a moment later. He found his still wet jacket, dug into its pockets and found – nothing. His hands pat down his thighs, but he was once again reminded that he was wearing different clothes now and that the things he was searching for weren’t there anymore. Tension filled his body as he scanned the dresser and the other cupboards in the hall. He tried to stay calm, but the panic inside of him increased with every second.

Where was it?

They surely hid it, somewhere they thought he would never find it. But he wasn’t dumb. Now he had enough money, now he could buy as much of his little paradise as he wanted.

With shaking fingers Donghae reached out for his wallet lying on top of the dresser. He actually just wanted to take a quick look inside –a wave of fear overran him however as he discovered that it was empty. He started searching, pulled out all cards and notes that were inside of it, but he didn’t find anything. No bill, no coin, nothing. There was no money; not even his credit card was there.

They had stolen from him. It was as clear as day.               
Did they really think that he was so down, so broken that he wouldn’t realize it? Did they think they could do whatever they wanted and that he couldn’t defend himself anymore? Was it that easy for them?

He couldn’t stay any longer, he needed to go out. Now.

Donghae blinked away the tears of disappointment that welled up in his eyes and let his wallet fall back down to the dresser again. With swift movements he put on his shoes and reached the door; arriving there he grabbed the door handle, pushed it down – but nothing happened. He started tearing at it, threw himself against it but he couldn’t open it; there weren’t any keys or something else that could've helped him either. His breath hitched as he realized that they had locked him in.

How could they do that? How could they be that cruel? Did they think that this was just a game; did they think it would be funny to take the only thing away from him that could make his life bearable? And that they locked him in so he couldn’t get new stuff… Did they really think that he would just shrug it off and act like nothing had happened?

They were wrong.       
He needed it, his body was already craving for it. And he wanted to have it so badly.

Donghae let go of the door handle and took the stairs in a run. A short glance into his room told him that somebody had cleaned up and he knew that there was no need to search there; there was nothing left. Leeteuk surely had it; he was the one that had found it after all.

He pressed his ear against the door of Leeteuk's room and listened carefully. Since he couldn’t hear anything, he opened it a tiny crack and peeked inside. No one was there.          
Donghae pushed the door open completely and quickly entered the room. Only a short moment of orientation was needed, then he headed for the wardrobe and yanked it open. He ransacked the whole room, every drawer and every possible spot where the leader could've hidden something that tiny. Donghae created a chaos, but even as nothing was on its right spot anymore he still couldn’t find it. His whole body started shivering and he sank to the floor, hugging his legs and bringing them closer. Donghae didn’t know where he should search next; they could've hidden it everywhere in the dorm. But he didn’t have the time to search more. He needed it – and he needed it now.

"What are you doing?"

Donghae's head shot up and he looked to the side where he found Eunhyuk standing in the door. The other's eyes were red and there were traces of dried tears on his cheeks – but in that moment Donghae couldn’t care less.

"Hyukjae", he breathed and quickly got up. Stumbling through the chaos, he came to a stand several steps away from him, eyes wide and breathing fast. "They have gone crazy! They- They locked me in and took everything away from me… My money is gone, my credit cards and my-" He paused and ran his shaking fingers through his hair, his gaze flitting over the floor for a second. "You must help me, you know where it is, right?"

Donghae's desperate whispers let a shiver run down Eunhyuk's spine and he had to swallow before he had enough courage to lie and to shake his head. "No, I… I don’t know where they put your things."

He heard the other gasp and saw how his breathing sped up even more. Donghae quickly shook his head; a frantic smile flashed over his lips. "Please think about it. They told you, I'm sure."

"They didn’t tell me, Donghae."

"They did!" the younger suddenly shouted furiously. "You know where it is and you're lying to me! You're just like them, I can't trust you either!"

His words sent a pang to Eunhyuk's heart; he could literally feel how the tiny piece of trust that was left between them shattered. Hadn't he once been the only person Donghae trusted blindly?

"You can trust me. All of us. We're only doing this for you."

"You're lying, you're ing lying!" Donghae yelled angrily. "If you would be doing this for me then you would hand it over! I need it; you can't take it away from me!"

Eunhyuk looked down and bit his lip. Was this really the first time that he realized how strange Donghae's behavior was? Had he ignored it before because he had been clinging too fast to the hope that he was simply imaging all of this?
What had happened in the last