Walking into a crowded club, Aira felt her body being squished from her sides by the excited audiences. A rock band was playing on the stage, gaining undivided attentions from everyone. She tried to move past them so that she won't get separated from people she came here with. Her right hand which was holding on tightly to Sohee's was then lost its grip when someone brushed into her hard.

"Wait for me!" She tried to make her voice louder so Sohee would hear her.

Sohee looked back to find her when she felt the grip on her hand disappeared, she intended to walk back to Aira but decided not to when she saw that her new favorite unnie has found her rescue.

"Let's go from the other side, too many people here." Seunghoon put his hand around Aira's shoulder and pulled her to the opposite side of the room. They finally succeeded making it to the their reserved spot just besides the stage where the others had already waited for them.

"Unnie, mianhe. The crowds are crazy today.." Sohee pouted her lips with guilt.

"It's okay.." Aira gave her an assuring smile.

"It's because of them, it's their first time playing here again since months, I guess they still haven't lose their fans." Byunghun pointed to the band on the stage, who was now starting to play a more intense song. "Is it your first time coming to an indie band showcase?" He asked.

Aira shook her head, "No, I just haven't been coming for so long, I forgot how intense it can be."

"So, how is it? You enjoy it so far?" Seunghoon asked, curious about whether she regreted her decision coming along with him.

"Yah! She's only here for five minutes and so far what she's experienced is almost getting crushed in the crowd! She's crazy if she said she likes it." Sohee hit Seunghoon's arm with an annoyed look. 

"She's right, Seunghoon. Maybe you can ask me again later." Aira chuckled weakly and scanned the whole place. It's not the same place she used to hang out years before, but somehow the atmosphere was exactly how she remembered it to be. The excited crowds, the bands playing music passionately and singing straightforward lyrics that some wouldn't even making it pass the censor to be released to the public, and the most important thing; how people become one through music. She smiled at the thought and continued, "Because I feel that I will enjoy it, a lot."

"Good." Seunghoon smiled in satisfaction and then turned around to face his other friends, "We're ready then?"

"Hell yeah!" Junki grinned and spinned his drumstick with his fingers.

Aira sat in awe as she watched her new friends on the stage. Junki on the drum, Byunghun on the bass, Seunghoon on the guitar, Kiseop as vocal, and lastly, Sohee on the keyboard. The audiences weren't as crazy as before, but the band did get some supporting shouts and handclaps. They were new, afterall, not many people knew them. 

When they played an exciting song, she saw Sohee tried her best not to jump around in front her keyboard with a wide smile showing that she was as excited as the people watching them. Aira smiled at her act then shifted to the one playing his guitar with glee, Seunghoon. 

His gaze was fixed on his guitar, showing that he was nervous to even look at the audiences. Aira chuckled because it was very different from the confident self he showed her earlier. A moment later, Aira smiled at him when she found his eyes looking at her. Seunghoon's hand slipped slightly and he missed his note.

Damn. I hope no one noticed that.

Thankfully, no one did. Neither did Aira. Somehow feeling that Seunghoon was getting more nervous, Aira raised her hand and gave him her thumb.

You're good!

By this time, Aira totally forgot about her not-so-nice day. She forgot about how invinsible she felt the whole day being with idols, feeling ugly and undeserved to be hanging around closely with Seungho and the other members of MBLAQ. Her whole attention was on the people she just knew several hours before but felt like she earned their respect somehow. 

As their last for the night, they played a softer song. Aira rested her back on the chair and let her self being carried away by the soft melody and Kiseop's sweet voice. The excited buzz from her whole surrounding felt like another element that made her feel weird on the insides, but in the good way.

She felt excited.

She felt comfortable.

She felt almost herself again.

She took out her phone when she felt it vibrated in her bag. Her face immediately turned dark when she read the name written as the message sender.

From : Seungho

You're having fun? I'll get you home later, just call me when you're done. Okay?

She hesitated for a moment but decided that the night was just too nice for her to bring herself down again. Tomorrow would come again and she surely would have to face Seungho, where she would be reminded once again that she was unworthy for him.

That can wait..

She put the phone back into her bag without replying the message and tried to bury the thought about him into the back of her mind. Since Seunghoon's phonecall to his brother, Aira found herself thinking about what G.O said once again. He knew that seeing Seungho with other girl had affected her. 

Aira just couldn't see it. No, she just didn't want to admit it.

But the fact that she was jealous forced her to ask herself again. Who was he to her? Why did she let herself being attached to him? Why did it hurt her when she realized how far of reach he was? Why should she be upset like this? She wasn't sure what to think when she got the answer.

Maybe G.O was right, I do have feelings for him.

♦ ♦ ♦

After saying goodnights to their four other friends, Aira and Seunghoon walked to the opposite direction of the street. Carrying his guitar case on his back, Seunghoon walked leisurely while thinking about what questions he should ask her first. Aira half hoped that he forgot already about what she promised him earlier that night, that she would tell him anything he wanted to know about her.

Unfortunately for her, he didn't.

"First question, you sure you're not my brother's girlfriend?" He asked, half serious and half joking to break the silence. She laughed dryly at the question and shook her head. "Okay.." Seunghoon nodded.

"It's really okay right? Me asking you personal questions?" He confirmed it once again.

"Uhm." She didn't know if it was just because of the night, her mood, or she just believed in Seunghoon, but she felt okay to share her life with him, "It's okay.. let's just find some place to talk, it's going to be long."

They sat on the table just outside of a 24 hour convenience store, each holding a can of beer to accompany them. After two hours, half pack of cigarettes and two or three people walking past them, Aira was finished with her story and Seunghoon had nothing left to ask.

"Do you hate your parents?" Seunghoon asked.

Aira sighed and looked at the night sky above them. She almost never saw any stars in Seoul. The city was too busy and full of lights to allow any stars to shine bright enough for her to see. It was somehow also the case with her, she never been able to shine bright enough while being buried in the hardness of city life. Especially being alone. But did she hate her own parents for leaving her?

"I did. But I guess I start to understand them a bit better. Life is hard, I'm not blaming them for finding their own happiness." She shrugged. It'd be lying if she said she never feel any kind of resentment towards her parents, but she already decided to let it go long time ago. They wouldn't come back for her, no matter how much she hated them.

"But how could they leave their child just like that?? Especially your mother." Seunghoon gulped down his beer in annoyance. All his life, he's been living in a happy family and it never really crossed his mind that someone would do that to their own child.

"I never know how it feels to be a parent, so I don't know.." Aira answered matter-of-factly.

"Do you want to meet them again?"

She thought about it for a while. She wanted them to come back for no one knew how long, but if they really came back, what would she do? What could they have to say to make the long years she spent alone disappeared? They always there in the back of her mind even now, but if they were to meet again in real life, wouldn't they just be strangers?

"Honestly, I don't know. But maybe I do want to meet my mother. I want to ask her something.." She mumbled the last part.

"Really? Ask her what?"

"I want to ask her if she found her happiness." Her voice trailed off before she continued with almost a whisper, "I want to know whether it is possible for me to be happy too in life."

Aira's words made his heart sank. He wanted to say something to respond, but he couldn't found the right words. Nothing he said would make a difference. Aira already went as far as trying to kill herself, and even though it failed and she didn't really seem to think to attempted it again, her life wasn't exactly back on track.

The girl besides him was a vulnerable one, yet the fact that she survived the years of being alone could only mean one thing.

She was a strong girl.

She just didn't see it.

And I will make herself realize how strong she really is.. 

Seunghoon put his palm on top of her head, patting it softly, "You will, Aira. You will be happy again."