It’s a cold breezy evening when we walk down a curvy road to nowhere, almost midnight when I had to do nothing but to think about what’s going on in my best friend’s mind. I wish I could read it and hopefully sort things out to make her smile.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"I'm fine." she didn't look at me when she replied.

One fact: If a girl ever told you she's fine, she's definitely not.

"Tell me about it." I urged, not knowing where this conversation will go. She didn’t respond to it like my voice was just a part of an accelerating car passing by the street. I sighed for a moment and continued walking.

It was an awkward silence. All I heard was footsteps talking to each other, having the same rhythm as our feet both landed on the ground at the same time, almost like you could hear just one person walking. She froze on the sidewalk beside a huge tree, her eyes staring at a distance.

“Let’s go have a drink,” she insists.

“You know that I don’t drink.” I lied. She’ll figure it out eventually.

“Liar,” she exclaimed pulling me in one hand towards a place with flashing lights not far from the tree where she froze.

Here’s the truth: I don’t usually drink. Beer is very unhealthy for me and it almost taste like contaminated milk in a bitter version.

As I observe the people around me, there are three kinds of people who are drinking beer: one, a person that wants to look cool and seeks for attention, two, a person who is a moron and dedicates himself to all vices of the world, bored in life and just wants to drink, and three, a person who is deeply sober and heartbroken because of love. That was me.

“Sunny, what do you want to order?” a voice asked me. I tried to ignore it. I’m so preoccupied by my own fact that I belong to those people who drink beer because of love. Yes, indeed. I’m so in love with my best friend for five years and she’s so oblivious to it.

One stupid fact: I wanted to tell her what I feel, but there’s just a part of me that could not. I sometimes think that my cerebellum may be malfunctioning, telling me that things would change if I pursue more. I always had that stupid thought in my head, forcing me to stay as it is, a best friend.

For five years, I’ve been keeping this from her. She’s everything to me. I know all her stories: her first relationship, her parents leaving her, her responsibilities being the eldest, her difficulties in math and why she is drinking right now. She might not tell me but I know it’s about another break up.

“Sunny, are you going to order or not?” A wave interrupts me. “Sunny?”

It was her. I sighed, “Probably not.”

The bartender disappeared after hearing our conversation and took a bottle of Corona for her. I paid it with a straight face and turned to her. She vanished.

“Have you seen my friend?” I asked the bartender.

“Uh, I guess she went in the crowd.” He scratched his head and shrugged like he wasn’t sure if his statement helped. It didn’t. I left the bar heading to the crowd which is a bad move. It’s suffocating and made me feel like a sardine whenever I get in between two people. I looked around, my head already spinning even without a drink, still I haven’t seen her. Exhausted and breathing heavily, I got out of the crazy crowd, leaning my back against the bar and pulled my phone inside my pocket. She’s calling.

My phone rang to life and flows with the loud music. I thought of picking it up, but in the corner of my head, I think I shouldn’t. It doesn’t make sense to answer a call if you can’t even hear it.

“There you are!” she shouted, “I thought you left me like everyone else.”

She wrapped her arms around my waist and leaned her head on my chest. For a second, I could hear my heart beating faster as I froze like a tree expanding its roots on the ground.

It lasted for a minute ‘till she set her face an inch away from mine and tell me. “Let’s dance!”

I never expected it, but the night went well. We had fun acting like we’re two hopeless drunk people, dancing with a highly drunk crowd. It was three in morning when the cab dropped us off at her apartment.

“You want to come over for a sec?” she asked.

“Sure,” I replied.

She ran excitedly in her bedroom as we reach her suite, pulling me in my right hand and wrestle me towards the bed. As we lay down, she leaned her head on my chest and said, “I had fun tonight.”

I twitched my face, smelling her hair. Its scent was like fragrant flowers and I felt like a bee that wanted to steal its pollen.

“I had fun too,” I returned.

“I’m glad you’re my best friend.” She giggled and hugged me tighter then eventually fell asleep. I can tell that she did since I could hear her slightly snoring. It was funny, but I like her that way.

One thing I figured out: Being a friend isn’t that bad at all. No commitments, no break ups, but we’re not allowed to be jealous. Unfortunately, I’m experiencing that whenever she has a new relationship. Completely unsatisfied with our status, I still don’t have that guts to admit it to her. It’s like the worst scenario where everything would be different once I told her about that. It’s pointless to think that I wanted more, but liked to stay this way and that’s something I should probably look forward to.

She snored louder and in a snap, all my thoughts were blown out of my head. It reminds me that I should get some sleep. It’s like a sweet sound of the windmill peacefully moved by the morning breeze. As I listen to it, I closed my eyes and realized that I might need more times like this, a moment with her without the pressure of thinking it would end someday. Everything has an end, even life has.

I sighed at the thought and moved her closer to me. She curled her legs covering my body with her left and her right leg twisted in mine. Again, I forgot what I was thinking and laughed silently in my head.

At this time, I could say that I’m having a really bad day, but right now, I just couldn’t stop smiling.