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Seeing her beside him was rather painful for Heechul. He should be very happy that Sooyeon, or Jessica as she prefers, chose him but that's not the case. He's thankful, yes, but very happy, he's not quite sure.  Everything felt wrong although it's right in the eyes of the people who knew about their relationship.

The problem is, their friends only know about their relationship, not the real feelings they have for each other. He knew just by the way she stares at him that the feeling isn't exactly mutual. He loved her with all his heart, that's a fact, but she doesn't feel the same. She cared for him too much, too much that she can't afford to hurt him or cause him pain. That's the very and only reason why she stayed with him, for him not to get hurt.

But she was oblivious of the fact that her decision was more painful than rejecting him. He knew she loved someone else. And that someone is one of his brothers and also one of his favourite people, which makes it ten times painful. Jessica loves Donghae and Donghae loves Jessica. But because the two cared for Heechul a lot, they decided to let their feelings go and put him first.

He appreciated it, yes he does. Maybe if he actually believes in God, he would consider himself blessed for having them both. But he would appreciate it more if they were honest about the obvious fact (obvious for him, though) than lie and pretend just to make him happy. All the moments they had and the times they shared, they were, oh, so beautiful. But behind every beautiful thing, there's been some kind of pain.

"Sooyeon-ah." He called out when he saw her inside the practice room with her eight sisters.

Jessica looked behind her and saw Heechul leaning on the door frame with his arms crossed over his chest. She smiled at him and excused herself from her group mates before standing up then walked towards him. That smile. It made his heart beat faster, not completely in a good way. He loves to see her smile but at the same time, he hated it. Her smile brightens his mood but for some reasons, it crushes his fragile heart.

They decided to stay in the hallway, just outside the practice room.

"Oppa, I told you to never call me that. It's Jessica." She pouted.

"That's your real name, isn't it?" He said bluntly which made Jessica pout even more. He chuckled and lightly ruffled her hair. "Fine, fine. Jeshika. Be thankful that I love you." He said, chuckling again after his sentence.

"I know and yes, I’m very thankful. Thank you." She replied, trying to sound happy but Heechul, being the perceptive boy that he is, knows that she's just trying.

He smirked, trying to hide the pain that’s building inside him. He's already a pro when it comes to masking what he really feels so it’s not hard for him to do so anymore. He's been doing that for almost a year and a half. But it doesn’t mean that it made the pain less painful though. Wondering why he didn't break it off earlier? That's a question he can't seem to answer. How long will he keep this going? He doesn't know.

"Have you eaten oppa?" She asked while looking at him. He nodded his head as a reply. "Oh~." She nodded her head. Then the place fell into an almost deafening silence.

Heechul still has his smile on his face while looking at her but his eyes are contradicting it. Those big, dreamy eyes of his showed pain, guilt, and farewell. Like the feelings she hides behind those bright smiles. Pain. Guilt. Farewell.

"By the way, I watched Family Outing Season 2 just now, the episode where Wonder Girls came. You seem to really like her, huh? Too bad I don't have mandoo cheeks like hers, a tall height like hers, and a cute voice like hers." He chuckled again and hugged her girlfriend. It hurts him to do so but oh well, he's already used to it.

It sort of amuses him how the two of them are really the same in so many ways. The things she just said were almost the same with what he's telling himself every time he notices her and Donghae exchange friendly smiles and secret glances at each other.

'You seem to really love him, huh? Too bad I don't have a perfect body like his, I'm not a good dancer and singer like him, and I’m not as charming as he is. Too bad I'm not him.'

"Yeah, too bad." He said with his usual blunt tone.

Hearing his words, Jessica quickly pulled away from the hug and hit his stomach lightly with a scowl on her face. "I really don't know why I'm still here when I should be in front of my computer, telling everyone how cute she is and her expressions are. OMONA~!" He continued to tease and even imitated Sohee's infamous 'omona' pose.

Jessica glared at him and hissed while he blinked his eyes innocently. Feeling irritated, she rolled her eyes and started walking away. Heechul quickly held her wrist to stop her from leaving but a presence grabbed their attention. They both gazed at the person and both of them smiled to greet the newcomer.

"Donghae-ah." Heechul said as he placed his arm around Donghae's shoulder in a brotherly way. Jessica bowed and greeted him in a friendly way.

"Hello, oppa." She said with a smile on her beautiful face. Donghae smiled back though it's just for five seconds before looking at his hyung.

Those smiles are very different from how they smile at Heechul because those smiles were real. Heechul felt another sting inside his chest when he saw the two precious people to him act, again, like friends and don't share the same feelings for each other just so he wouldn't feel hurt.

"Hyung, we need to go back. Leeteuk-hyung is already there." The younger boy informed the older.

"Just tell them to wait for me. I need to tell something important to Jeshika first."

The younger nodded his head and bid goodbye to the two. When Heechul can't see his dongsaeng anymore, he turned to his girlfriend and smiled slightly.

"What is it that you're gonna tell me, oppa?" She asked, looking curious and nervous at the same time. Heechul sighed and looked at her straight in the eyes.

'I'm letting you go, Sooyeon-ah. You always think of my happiness and you're already giving away too much. You and Donghae. You always think of me before yourselves and I guess it's time for me to make you two happy, as well. It's my turn to return the favour and let you be with him. The reason why I'm doing this is the exact same reason why you guys are doing what you are doing. I love you so much and I don't want you to feel pain anymore because of me. It's your turn to be selfish now. Good bye Sooyeon-ah.'

"I just want to tell you that I love you so much. You're very important to me and I don't want you to get hurt because of me. Whatever happens or whatever you do or did, I will always love you. Don't ever forget that, arasso?"

Heechul smiled at her, hoping she would get the message behind his words. She smiled back and nodded her head before speaking.

"I won't forget that, oppa. Don't worry. I'll always keep that in mind. You're too important to me and I don't want to lose you so I'll do everything to always make you smile."

'You don't have any idea how much I wished it was enough.'

"I know." He simply said, understanding what she means though she doesn't intend for him to get it. Well, he already knows.

He told her to go inside and join her sisters in practicing. Jessica nodded one last time before giving him a light peck on the lips then went inside the practice room.

The words he wanted to say for a long time failed to come out again. Every time he plans on saying those words, he ends up saying the opposite.

Maybe until the day that Jessica would actually tell him the truth herself, he would stay like this for a while. But he will wait for the day that he will be able to say what he really wants to tell her.

For now, he will let her stay and act as if nothing's wrong. For now, he will try his hardest to bear the ache in his chest and be selfish. For now, he will continue on loving her until he's strong enough to let her go. For now, he will live like this and still be the greatest pretender of all.

.,'fail angst .. hahahaha  LoL xD ... sorry for this boring and crappy oneshot. I was trying to make it sad but it's a total fail. It's my first time writing in this genre so, yeah, this is the result. Is it confusing? My sister told me it is. Anyways, comment and tell me what you think of this, PWETTY PWEASE. Criticisms are appreciated but insults will make me sad. Those are two different things. Many errors but I hope you'd still understand the story. For all Aristocrats (HeeSica shippers) like me .. it could be for IceFishies as well. Hope you enjoyed \(^3^)/