The sound of the hinge that hasn’t been lubricated for too long echoes as Jae Seop opens the door to the reading room. He has decided to tidy this place up so that he can make more room for his love to walk around.

The layer of dust covering the books there is thick enough to hide all of their titles. Jae Seop glides his fingers over them. Today must be a hard day for him. But it doesn’t matter anyway, as long as it is for that guy.

Jae Seop starts to move the chairs to different places so that he can clean everything up. Without expected, he has used too much force when pushing a sofa. It hits one of the shelves creating quite a vibration. All of a sudden, a book falls down landing on the floor with a thud. Some breezes come in time to fling several pages open.

The only guy in the room knees down in front of it. He carefully blows away the dust and begins his journey to his boyfriend’s little world in the past. 

 

Kevin said I have to write a diary when I fall in love with someone I know I shouldn’t.
I think I fall for a guy.

It is crazy, isn’t it? But love is blind. Just deal with it ^^

 

 

17th January 2008

 

I saw him again today. He was walking with Kyoung Jae or Eli, his half American cousin. They are the Cullens of the school, famous and well known for good looks and smart brains. Except that they are not vampires.

The Valedictorians Kims, that’s what our school calls them.

Though they are always together, but the differences are obvious. Eli loves to smile, especially to the girls, but not him. He always has a cold stare in his eyes. He never smiles to anyone except when he’s talking to Eli. Or maybe I just don’t have the luck.

Even it was my birthday today, I only had one wish which was to see his smile for once.

 

 

11th March 2008

 

I guess today was not my lucky day. I was in a rush to the café to meet Kevin when I accidentally bumped into someone and the worst part was my lips landed right on his lips.

Yes, they were his. The precious lips belonged to Kim Jae Seop.

I felt my lips were bleeding. But I’m too scared to move as my body was fully on top of him. And I still remember his death glare when I parted my lips from his. All I could do was quickly turning my head away since I was too ashamed of what just happened and also I couldn’t stay any longer with his stare fixed on me.

I felt like I could die in any second.

Being dumb as I was, I just ran without looking back.

 

 

13th March 2008

 

I thought it was better if I just forgot him. I also have decided not to continue writing here. I even told Kevin about the incident and how many fans Jae Seop had, but Kevin insisted. He said I must not give up easily, who knew what would happen in the future.

And today when I was eating with Kevin at the café, Eli came to us and asked me to wait after class at the school gate. I felt uncomfortable as I saw Jae Seop was at their table watching us. His cold stare once again sent shivers down to my spine.

The meeting was far better than I thought. He just wanted to be my friend and we walked together to my house, because he said Eli had left with the car with his girlfriend.

I didn’t know whether it was real or just an excuse.

 

 

4 June 2008

 

I once thought I should just end my diary on the day Jae Seop proposed me to be his friend but the incident tonight took me here again.

Today was his birthday. I bought him an English novel because he once said that he loved to read. Last night it was Eli who fetched me to their shared house for his birthday party. He looked surprised to see me there.

And the best thing was that it was my first time seeing his sincere smile. Maybe he was too happy for the small party he was held for.

He brought me to his room, enough if I said his room was as big as my class. Jae Seop said his parent; together with Eli’s, bought this house for them to stay together. Their folks were staying in US, working on a business together.

While Eli was busy with his girlfriend on the couch, Jae Seop and I spent the whole night on his bed. At first we were just telling stories to each other until Jae Seop suddenly confessed to me that he liked someone.

I was too shocked that I couldn’t even say a thing, especially with my heart clench tight and my eyes stinging. I felt hopeless and depressed, obviously.

And then he crashed his lips on mine.

All of a sudden.

Against all the expectations.

“I have a crush you. I have always had since the day you stole my first kiss.”

 

 

29 June 2009

 

We got our college results today. He managed to enter the college that he always dreamt of. I have told him that I don’t want to go to college because I want to work. My father almost disowned me when he knew about our relationship. Though my mother was fine with it, I thought it was the best not to stay in that house anymore.

So because of my family’s issue, Jae Seop wanted me to stay with him. He said he would kick Eli out from the house. Eli was there when he said that and they ended up chasing each other around the school. I just laughed to see how close and childish they were.

Kevin joined us later when we were celebrating our last day at school. He was pretending to be strong, but I knew he wasn’t. His face would blush in jealousy whenever Eli kissed or fed his girlfriend.

I hope Kevin will learn how to be stronger.

 

 

28 July 2009

 

Today is the registration day for Jae Seop’s college and we went there together because he wanted me to come along. We met few of our friends there and we met Eli too. He said he took the flight from California just to make sure Jae Seop not to cheat on me.

We walked together in the college area while holding hands. I asked him if he was embarrassed with it. He shook his head and he told me that he really hoped that we could attend the college together. It hurt me a little but I just smiled to him and said that it was enough to stay in the same house and share the same love.

“Eli’s new girlfriend is pretty, isn’t she?”
“She is…”
“She might be pretty but you are beautiful. The most beautiful creature on earth that I have ever meet,”

He kissed my cheek right after he said that. Maybe he thought I was jealous over him hugging Eli’s new American girlfriend. Jae Seop sometimes can be silly more than I think.

 

 

16 August 2010

 

I write again after a long time. I was too busy with my job and because everything was not as easy as I thought. Working is tiring even though I work in an air-conditioned office. I hate my job because of my self-centred colleagues, a erted boss who is busy groping my every day rather than doing his job and the never-finish-to-key-in-data.

Jae Seop? He has changed. He doesn’t remember even our anniversary last June; even it was on his birthday. He always comes home late, doesn’t have dinner and usually throws things on me. Sometimes he sleeps outside, somewhere I don’t know. I’m too scared to ask because he will get mad and hit me. He never cares if I’m sick or in pain. He has changed to someone I don’t know.

I’m tired. I’m tired to act strong anymore. I’m tired to act like nothing happens.

I really wish Kevin was here. I wish Kevin could hear me cry even though he is now in California with his parents. I wish everything will turn back to normal again.

I wish Jae Seop still loved me… 

 

 

25 November 2010

 

This evening, I visited him in his college bringing his favourite food, I thought with this he would forgive me even when I didn’t know what really happened between us.  And I found out the real things behind what has happened all this time. He actually has someone else there, in his college.

I think he is his senior; he looks mature and has a nice body compared to Jae Seop’s. I heard Jae Seop called him hyung so sweetly.

They were holding hands and walking in the park. Jae Seop sometimes laughed with the guy and he showed his smiles that I missed. I felt like crying but I knew it didn’t worth it. I gained all my strength together, and walked towards them. Both of them looked so surprised, but I tried to act like nothing happened. I handed him the food that I cooked for him, and gave him the sweetest smile that I had. After bowing to them, I left with tears stinging in my eyes.

 

I’m sorry that I write on you while crying and make you wet.

 

 

29 December 2010

 

I promise this is the last time I write on you. Nothing lasts forever, does it?

I have quitted my job because I couldn’t take it anymore. Though I didn’t feel tired as hell when I was working there, but I still felt empty. This is the third Christmas that I should spend with him but I’m celebrating it alone.

No Kevin. No Eli.
No mom and dad.

No Kim Jae Seop. He just left me a Thank You letter for my Christmas present.

This morning Kevin came to visit me. He asked me where Jae Seop is but I had no answer for that. He saw the old bruises on my face and hands so I had to tell him everything and he got really mad. Kevin said he would have kill Jae Seop if he wasn’t Eli’s cousin. I hope he didn’t really mean it.

I asked Kevin to take good care of Eli because their love story is too good to be true. Eli was smiling bitterly without saying anything. I could see his face darken when he listened to my tragic story. It might be he didn’t believe it or he felt bad for me.

I felt a bit relieved when I saw this cute couple today. Though Eli was a bit different nowadays, at least I could feel that he loves Kevin more than everything. He treated Kevin nicely like Jae Seop used to do to me. He did everything just to make Kevin smile again, just like Jae Seop once did to me.

I know I’m being such a girl but… I just miss him.

Dear God, I have let everything go. I have let my family leave me, I have let Kevin go to Eli, and I have let Jae Seop go too. Please take care for the people I love, even when I’m not in this world anymore.

 

 

The teardrop which makes the diary get wet pulls Jae Seop out from his thought. He wipes his face, which is covered with tears several times, before putting back the diary to its original place. Slowly he makes his way to the door. But right then, he realizes that Ki Seop has been already at the doorway, holding the wall with both of his hand.

“Jae Seop, are you okay?”
“Yes. What makes you come here? Haven’t I told you to stay in the living room?”

Ki Seop doesn’t answer the question but walks slowly deeper into the room, while his hands are trying to reach everything that lies in front of him. Jae Seop just lets him walk alone as they are not too far from each other.

“I called you several times just now because I heard something fall but you didn’t answer me. It’s okay I will get familiar with the stairs by time,”

Jae Seop isn’t able to say anything, but pulls Ki Seop into his embrace and hugs him tightly. He lays his head on Ki Seop’s shoulder and cries silently.

“I’m sorry… Ki Seop… I’m really sorry,”

Ki Seop replies the hug even though he is still shocked with Jae Seop’s sudden act.

“What was that for? You didn’t do anything to me; you don’t need to say sorry,”

Smiling, Ki Seop rubs the younger’s back, trying to calm him. But Jae Seop seems like he doesn’t want to stop.

“For everything. For every sin I committed. For every tear you shed for me. For every pain that I made you feel, I’m sorry,”

Jae Seop says quietly, between his sobbing. Tears start to well up in Ki Seop’s eyes but he quickly wipes them away. He pulls Jae Seop and cups his boyfriend’s face.

“How many times have I told you? Jae Seop, I have forgiven you long time ago,”
“Really?”
“Even if you are not asking for it,”
“Promise me you won’t do it again,”
“Do what?” Ki Seop frowns.

“Just don’t… leave me ever again, or if you want to leave, bring me with you,”

He says before holding Ki Seop again.

“And I promise I’ll find the cure of your eyes, I swear…”
“Kim Jae Seop! I’ve told you I don’t want!”

Ki Seop raises his voice as he pushes Jae Seop away. He even stomps his feet.

“But…”
“I don’t want any cure for them because I want you to take care of me until…”
“Until death do us apart,”

Jae Seop giggles when he sees Ki Seop’s pout, despite the fact that he can’t accept Kiseop’s will to be unable to see.

The younger leans his head and lets their foreheads touch each other. He waits for Ki Seop to smile before kisses his lips with full of love.

“I love you, Ki Seop,”

Ki Seop’s smile widens. He already forgot about Jae Seop’s adultery and his dark world. Though he loses his ability to see in his attempt to commit suicide, he is still happy. He is happy because Jaeseop came back to him and made it bright again. He is happy because he can feel Jae Seop’s warmth again. He is happy because they can hold hands and cuddle with each other again. He is happy because he can hear Jae Seop’s voice and tell each other’s stories again.

Above all, he is happy when he can live in Jae Seop’s love again.

“I love you too, Jae Seop. I really do.”

 

A/N: Thank you Elly~~ Love you :x

 

Do you enjoy it like I do?? Hope you are =))))

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Bye bye~~ And see ya :3