ღ

There you laid in the darkness, your hazel orbs scrutinizing the darkness that enveloped the interior of your room. Turning your head lazily to the side to check the time, you mentally sighed. Half past two in the morning, the neon numbering on the electronic clock read, emitting a faint green hue that shone brightly in the darkness. Turning your head away from the clock which neon lights irritated your eye, you couldn’t help but sigh out loud as you pondered about your love. Leo was on a world tour with his fellow group members to promote their latest album, and it was inevitable to not think about him. He is on your mind twenty four seven, anyway. And also, probably affecting your sleep, hence why you’re still awake at two in the damn morning.

Was he doing well? Sleeping well, eating well? You would’ve called him, but you didn’t want to burden the already busy idol. Work comes first, no? You picked up your phone, clicking on the screen to check for any messages that your significant other might have left. Wincing as the sudden brightness stabbed at your eyes, you pout in disappointment. No messages? ‘’ It’s fine. He’s busy anyway, and probably sleeping. “ You murmured as a half-hearted chuckle slipped past your lips in an attempt to convince yourself. Tossing away your phone in undeniable frustrations, you sighed for the umpteen time and closed your eyes. Sometimes you wished that, that pabo would at least show some forms of affection. But what can you even do, that’s Taekwoon. For the past year and a half, chic Leo has shown almost close to no signs of affection. But you don’t blame him, he’s just shy like that, yeah?

Despite the lack of affection though, it made you appreciate his attempts of showing that he loves you through his clumsy words, or even small gestures that are usually accompanied with silence. Remember your first anniversary? He woke up early in the morning to prepare breakfast in bed for you. Even though he left immediately without a word after serving breakfast for you with a silent peck on your forehead, you could sense the genuineness that oozed from the breakfast he prepared. Strawberry pancakes, to be exact. Nonetheless, your unconditional love for him has never wavered.

All of a sudden, you felt a tremendous wave of fear crash over you for exactly no reason at all. Your heart started pounding mercilessly against your chest, mimicking the sound of a war drum. You feel your chest tightening, and it was getting significantly harder to breathe with each ticking second that brutally seemed like years as you silently prayed for it to stop. It was another panic attack, you realized. You had been having panic attacks ever since young, and the attacks ceased to occur when you were in your teenage stages. Now that you were all grown up, the attacks start to happen at a terrifyingly frequent rate.. Slim fingers grasped blindly around in the darkness, yearning for contact with your mobile phone as you managed to hold it with trembling fingers, holding it in front of your face as you punched in the number of the only person you knew who could calm you down. Bringing the phone to your ear, albeit with slight difficulties, you gingerly placed a hand on your chest in a futile attempt to soothe the pain as you mentally screamed at yourself to keep your mental state together, and probably cuss at the fact that you were having a panic attack now.

“Ppali ppali.. please answer..” You mouthed, your throat tightening and causing your words to sound strained and airy. The ringing of the phone call made your head buzz as you chewed on your quivering lips, praying to whoever was listening that Leo was still awake. He was your pillar of support, and not to mention, your lifeline. Jung Taekwoon, your only remedy to your attacks.

“_____?” Your tensed muscles visibly relaxed at the gently calling of your name. “What is it?” The voice on the other line demanded in his unsuiting gentle voice albeit it made you cringe when you detected the slighest hint of annoyance in his voice. Leo was obviously ticked off that your call had abruptly disturbed his sleep. Opening your mouth to speak, not a single word came out as your pulse accelerated, resulting in a silent wheeze from you.

“_____?!” The voice on the other line rose in concern. You could hear the rustling of material on the receiver on the other end, and you deduced in your head that he was probably sitting up from his bed. On a total random note, you actually envied that the particular bed Leo was resting on was able to bask in the warmness of the singer.  “_____.” He repeated your name again, albeit in a much more gentler tone, breaking your thoughts of jealousy as you struggled to listen to his voice. “Breathe in on one, breathe out on two, arasso?” He commanded as you slightly nod your head and closed your eyes, willing yourself to imagine that he was in the same room as you.

“One, two. One, two.” Losing yourself in his voice and obeying what he had asked you to do, you felt your chest loosen up a little, allowing you to finally murmur the name of the one that you’ve been yearning for.  “Leo..” Coughing, you blinked your eyes several times. “Jagiya, are you alright..?” Came the response as your pounding heart ceased to a flutter, and your lips tugged up in a contented smile. Your comfort probably came to the expense of someone’s sleep, but you’re just simply too contented to be talking to him as it has been days since you both contacted each other.

“I’m fine..” You whispered into the call, your hands gingerly pressing the mobile device to your ear as you barely managed to pick up a stifled yawn from the other end of the call. “Leo-ah..” You started, your mind weighing the possibilities of him getting mad if you were to continue the call. Two options made its way into your train of thoughts - to tell him that you’re fine and go to sleep or to continue what’s left of a conversation and talk to him. You obviously chose the latter, judging from the situation where you could barely even call him during the day.

“Jagiya, I’ll be coming home in approximately three days, alright?” Another sigh from the singer on the phone. “So go to sleep, and just wait for me.. arasso?” Your face fell in slight disappointment that the other wished for you to sleep, but you were left with no choice to oppose his decision as a new wave washed over you - a wave of fatigue. “Arasso..” You reluctantly murmured. “I love you, okay? VIXX, hwaiting ~ “ You cheered him on, it was the least you could do for now. “Mhm, I love you too.” Came the curt reply, and the sound of the call being dropped as you slipped your phone under the covers and closed your eyes, willing sleep to wash over your entire being.

- end of chapter one; author's note -

I present you the first chapter ~ I hope you guys enjoyed it. Pardon the length, but I've kept it short to slowly ease you guys into the story and all.. I'll get much more descriptive and explain more of the little tidbits of the different characters and their relations along the course of probably five chapters or so? *grins* For now, hopefully this chapter gives you a new opening into the world of you and Jung Taekwoon's relationship, and your anxiety disorder.