Sitting in our cold house. Once it was so full of love, so warm, so inviting. Now it just holds memories of you, all of the memories that we made. The dark wrapped around me like your arms had done so many times before. Tears ran down my cheeks as memories just filled my mind of you, the memories, your laugh, your kind words that still filled these walls held me captive. All I wanted was to have you back, just to see you one more time before saying goodbye. Leaving me a note, explaining why you couldn’t see me again just broke my heart. We had talked about several scenarios but the way that you just ran away, leaving me, broke my heart more than saying goodbye would. I know why you did, you don’t like to say goodbye. Saying goodbye would give me the chance to hold you one last time, to kiss your lips one last time, to look into your jeweled eyes again, to feel your love so close to me.  I still trust you and wish you luck in your new endeavors no matter how far away you are from me.

 

Our place was suffocating me, I needed to get away and to clear my thoughts. Walking outside the chilling air bit my arms as I walked to clear my mind. I never wanted to let you go, but I never told you how much I loved you. I wish that you could be here and see how much you hurt me, how much I miss you and that I need you here to live. Walking though the masses of people I just felt like a mold, just another person in the crowd, another heart broken.

 

I laid eyes on a happy couple, holding hands, laughing and enjoying each other on their night out. A lump caught in my throat as all I could think to do was run. Running past the couple, adrenaline pumped through my veins as my feet pounded out of anger for not trying to keep you. I ran as far as I could, not knowing when I would end up or where I was going I just tried to work through my thoughts about you and about us. What this means for my future and yours. My pace began to slow as my heart hurt for more than just missing you.

 

A while later the footing beneath my feet had changed from hard pavement to soft sand. Falling to my feet I pounded my hands into the sand as I cried out your name. Staggering to my feet I ran faster, pushing myself to my limits, my feet sunk into the sand with every step as I ran into the water, flipping it up against myself, causing myself to turn cold, trying to numb the feelings of loosing you. I started to feel myself letting go as I fell again into the water.

 

"I can’t. I can’t." I panted heavily, "I don’t want you to let you go, to fade from me." Squishing sand in my clenched fist and letting it fall just turned my thoughts to you again. The crashing of the waves tried to show me that letting go was ok. I got up from my feet and walked along the shoreline as the waves washed over my shoes.

 

Rounding a corner, I thought I saw something familiar. Someone like you. Squinting my eyes I tried to make the image clearer.

 

”_______? ________?!” I called your name into the fridged air. You looked over your shoulder as I called your name a little louder. Raising your hand above your eyes to shield the rapidly rising sun. I ran to you, even if it wasn’t you I still head onto the hope, the sliver of hope that still stood there in front of me.

 

"Hoya? Hoya?!" You called as you ran to me. Wrapping you in my arms I twirled you around happily as I dug my head into your shoulder as uncontrollable tears fell. You held me so tight as you pulled my shirt with your fists.

 

"I never wanted to let you go." You whispered into my ear as I loved hearing your voice again.

 

The memory of you leaving me still haunts me, but knowing that you will be there to comfort me and that you will always find me, gives me hope that we could make it together.

 

Never leaving each others side, our reason for love was each other, that was enough for both of us. Our connection that pulled us together that day was love. Love filled in our holes and created new memories that will never fade in forever.