It was never her fault that she had to end it. Because she knew she had to. She was insecure, and she didn’t seem to be happy anymore. All her anticipation was crushed days after days. She knew she shouldn’t be feeling dejected. And the moment she knew she was feeling like this, she knew she couldn’t go back to how she lived before talking into him unless she starts moving on. She had lived the 7 days in pain, tears and heart-wrenching memories. But she stayed strong. Her tears were just a few drops, her pain was endured, her heart wrenching memories were suppressed. But the dejection, no, she couldn’t put that away. And she knew everything had to end, when the day of her birth came.

“Haiz, is he going to talk to me today? It’s been what? 4 days? You shouldn’t keep your hopes up, JiHye,” JiHye sighed. She has never felt like this before. Not even in her previous heart breaking relationship. It was really hard for her to move on over someone. She was strong, but her heart holds on to that same person. It took her months to recover from that previous experience and since then, she’s come to realize that, Love wouldn’t bring you anywhere near success in life. It would only be the stones on the pathway of success trying to trip you down. And she’s been careful, until then, when she fell for a fickle-minded guy. JiHye sighed for the umpteenth time. She glanced up from her hands, and quietly peeked. He was laughing, and looking so jubilant that she thinks no one could take that happiness away from him. She looked away, and stared into space. Why is it that when there’s so many people around her, but she was still lonely? Why is it that people around her were so happy but she was in slight agony and mega depression. It was her birthday, and her friends had wished her a birthday, but, after all of those, she knew she felt lonely. She couldn’t feel warmth in her soul anymore. Her parents were working overseas, leaving her sister and her alone at home with their grandma. Her grandma was the spark of her life, when she sees her smile, she was happy. But her grandma wasn’t here at this moment, and she certainly didn’t know what to do anymore. She tried not to focus on other things and just focus on this time spent together with her friends. But she felt left out. They were having conversations without her needing to join in. So she kept quiet and listened to their conversations. At that exact moment, she felt so distant from everyone. She felt as though she was far away from earth and is staying in moon, if that’s even possible. She didn’t really knew what steps she was going to take next. She was tired of being other people’s candle, not really, she was never a candle in other people’s life. She was only an object, that people talk to out of obligation. She was tired of this kind of life, she wanted to feel like she was filled with something, at least an empty soul fills an empty body.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIS!” The text read in big letters. She was angry, and furious. But kept her cool.

“Were you really busy these few days?”

“Not really,”

“Okay”

And there was no more reply. And he broke his promise. He said he would chat with her. No one was celebrating her birthday this year and he promised he would at least talk to her. But he didn’t.

The whole day it was just that one message. She knew she could have texted back. But she didn’t want to. What if he’s busy? What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? These were excuses. She just didn’t want to lose her pride. He was always the one who texted her first, so she felt awkward to text first. She reached home, and saw her grandma, peacefully sleeping. She smiled. If there was only one person she could make to live forever, it would be her grandma. She gave her the wisest advices, the lamest jokes and the most peaceful mind. It was just a pity that at that time she didn’t really knew how important her family was to her.

JiHye returned back from her memories. She remembered how a torture it was for her. Because after her dearest sister stopped talking to her frequently, he was the only one she could communicate with, and at that time since, she has no one. But her dearest sister was back, and she had someone to talk to now. Her friends maybe had understood her and started talking to her, not leaving her out. She felt that every single thing had fall back into place, to what they used to be like. She laughed more, she could smile often, she still frowned as much, but at least, she wasn’t as cold as she had been. But there was still one thing that she hadn’t got back. Her heart. She felt that she had left it with him and she couldn’t take it back. It was the exact same scenario she had faced two years ago. A year had passed since she cut off all contact from him. And now she wasn’t so bothered anymore but the memories still haunt her and she couldn’t shake them off. JiHye sat in the café, drinking her milo. Her favourite drink, which she was glad she didn’t told him she liked. During this one year, so many happened to her. Good and bad. She grew up so much from this one year. She learned to hide her pain, her feelings and emotions. She could put on a cold face, she could smile. She could make up excuses for her mood swings and she could easily have a reason for not speaking. There was so many things she had learned and these things definitely made her strong. But still not strong enough to move on. She felt as though there was an invisible string pulling her back. She couldn’t reach her goal. Which was moving on. It was something really difficult for her. She had watched her friends move on ahead of her and she felt useless. She had always looked down on girls who stayed by a man’s side who had always hurt her. And what’s the difference when her heart was still with him even when physically she isn’t? Every single day, she hypnotized herself. She told herself everything was over and that she shouldn’t be staying at the same place when he had already moved on so ahead of her. But hypnotizing didn’t really work. She tried the method of pushing the memories out of her mind. That lasted for a while, but it didn’t work anyway. So she gave up, she prayed to god, to tell her why she couldn’t move on, why she couldn’t let go, why she couldn’t move on. But she didn’t get any replies. So she prayed to god that maybe someday, he could give her a reason. JiHye tried to control her memories, her thoughts and imagination. She knew exactly why she couldn’t move on. Because she still had the hope that maybe someday, they could talk again. She knew it was a silly hope, and that the hope was the invisible string pulling her away from her goal.

But after all of these, she started to realize the importance of her family. She was scared by the thought of losing any of her family members. She cherished them a lot and she loved them. She could never not. They were the nicest bunch of person you’ll ever encounter. They’re the sweetest. They could buy you things and pour love onto you unconditionally until you’re drenched entirely by love. They were the best family you could ever have. She thought that maybe god had prepared this just for her to realize how important her family members were to her. She would never know the reason, would she?

She had poems that were written in between her pathway of moving on. She had found out her passion for writing, and continued to strive and write good stories, poems and songs. She could never ask for more. How could she? She couldn’t be selfish and greedy.

JiHye left her seat and took out her earpiece and started walking out of the door. Winter was the best season for her. She loved how cold it is yet satisfying. Because it reminds her of the fact that even if its winter, her heart was still warm enough to keep her heated and she wouldn’t freeze to death. She stepped out and the cold wind blew into her face. She took a deep breath before a smile crept up her face. It was an amazing day. She walked down the road, with light footsteps as she listened to her music. ‘How To Love’ was playing on her playlist. She knew well that nobody would ever learn the formula of love, because if they know, they wouldn’t know love. And then it changed to ‘coffee shop’. She wanted to be like how the song describes. Being able to move on, and hearing his name without problems. This cold winter day made her think about the poem she had wrote about seasons.

The smell of spring, reaches me like a breeze.

The feeling of loneliness, is covered up by happiness.

The warm summer heat, reaches me like a melody.

The heart that used to freeze, was melted by the summer heat.

The Autumn wind that just blew by,reaches me like a flying kite.

The warm soul soon become cold, like the slowly reaching snow.

The lakes of the winter, reaches me in a spiral.

The icy broken heart, can no longer be warmed up.

That poem might still apply to her a little, but not that much anymore. Her broken heart is being mended slowly by time. Time was the medicine she took every single day. And time was her best medicine. But who said after mending it would be perfect again? Like cancer, even if you go through chemotherapy, the cancer cells will still be in your body. So obviously a scar was there. A deep scar. A scar that she would never be able to ignore. Because it’s a lesson to her, that her heart shouldn’t be given to others so easily. From then until now, she had started taking bits of her hearts back. But until now, she could say she hasn’t completely moved on. But she knew someday she would.

The sense of loss, made you realized what love costs.

The hurt that you felt, makes you feel as though you’ll never heal.

But time passes by,

Slowly you put hurt at the back of your mind.

Slowly, day by day,

You recovered on that one faithful day.