To the start of forever

f(5)

PG, 2,041 words

And to your favourite song we sang along,

To the start of forever

2009

It happens on early January.

They're seated in one of the big offices of the agency, the five of them. With nervous smiles and contained joy. They know what they're here for.

They're debuting. In almost nine months.

Things get hard, they're pushed to extremes. Get thinner, get prettier, dance better, sing better, always smile, always bow, be polite and an endless list of things they're never supposed to forget.

Pressure is hard, and it translates into their building teamwork, that cracks in some occasions, especially after long night practices and few hours of sleep. They fight, sometimes, usually when they're in the dorm and mostly because of ridiculous things.

When they hear their debut song, the cracks are healed. And Sunyoung cries. She cries because this is their debut song and she loves it and It's fun and it's nice and it's all she's ever asked for.

Later that year Jinri cries too, but for a total different reason. They don't ask, because they know she'll tell if she wants to. Even though they think they already know.

Song Qian feels apologetic, because Soojung and Jinri, and Sunyoung for that matter, are still kids. She wants to protect them and encourage them, but she hasn't learnt the words yet, so she smiles and gestures hoping the message will get through.

Amber seems to live in her own world of English conversations and Korean lessons and she thanks the heavens for Soojung knowing English and Qian being Chinese, because she doesn't know how she would have coped with a bunch of people she doesn't understand otherwise.

She and Song Qian help each other because they know what it's like and the always tender Sunyoung helps them in anyway she can, mostly with pronunciation. Soojung is always there to teach Amber some Korean whenever she needs to. Communicating with Jinri is hard, because they don't share a language yet, but when she smiles at her and Amber smiles back she figures that'll have to do for now.

Sunyoung is Luna now, Jinri is Sulli, Soojung is Krystal and Qian is Victoria, Amber is the only one who gets to keep her name. It's weird, calling each other like that after so many time spent together as just Sunyoung, Jinri, Soojung and Qian but it's a step to their dream. They mostly use the new names on the agency because, back in the dorm, they're still the girls they used to be.

The music video shooting happens like some sort of dream, only a really vivid one. The sets, the colours, the clothes, everything is there for them, to create what they're going to become from now on.

On September 5th, they do it. They're officially f(x).

Sulli thinks that the 5^th has a nice ring to it.

When they come back with Chu~♡ things have gotten so hectic it all passes in a blur, the costumes, the video and the performances and they're again shoved into the studio for something new.

2010

NU ABO is released after their first show, Hello f(x), has aired and it has great reception. The clothes are cool, the video is cool, the dance is popular, the song is awesome and sassy and, even though some haircuts are not so well liked by the members, this whole era is considered a nice change. NU ABO is a representation of what f(x) is, different, strange even, but great. f(x) is finally getting some popularity and, even though they don't win on music shows, they're quite content.

Then, Victoria gets married.

When NU ABO promotions are over, Amber injures herself and flees to America, leaving f(x) down to four.

Krystal takes up on little acting projects and Kiss & Cry, and Sulli spends her time being an MC at Inkigayo. Luna wears her hair blonde and short and is the only one left behind.

f(x) Koala is shot in this hiatus, in the midst of their first album preparations. Staff has asked Amber's name not to be mentioned, adding a weight to Victoria's shoulders.

Victoria thinks f(x) are doing just fine but Qian thinks the ultimate result for f(x) is always five.

They have no other choice but to promote as four in SMTown concerts and showcases, and it's palpable then, the missing member, the missing piece. When they're done with their last special stage for Mr.Boogie they fade away, because five is always better that the best four could ever give.

2011

Amber comes back, and f(x) is reassured. In a rush, all her parts in their CD are filled and f(x) is ready to come back.

Pinocchio earns them their first music show win. Luna cries when it's announced, and it reminds them of little Sunyoung listening to their debut song. Victoria cries too, because it's been hard and they finally seem to start going forward on the road ahead. The other three wait until the cameras are off, and when they all hug, tears stream down their faces and fall in their smiles. Sulli makes a funny comment and they all laugh, but they look at each other and they say it all: you've worked hard, we've worked hard together.

Victoria thinks she always knew, they had to be five.

Pinocchio promotions are fun, and happy, and they suddenly find themselves enjoying it a little bit more than before. Awards come from every music show and they feel light hearted and ecstatic. They go to celebrate, and they laugh and they pick on each other and the f(x) dynamic is built, and it's nice. Movie-nights and cooking lessons are part of their dorm life, bringing them closer together. Pinocchio wins their first triple crown and f(x) is stronger than ever. All that's ahead of them is success.

A few months later f(x) is back with Hot Summer. Krystal thinks the outfits are upgraded this time and she likes it. They're all more relaxed, they enjoy it because it's an easy one and it's fresh and it's supposed to be a summer song to dance along with. They bring home more awards for Hot Summer and f(x) sees they're finally making it.

Hot Summer promotion ends, and so does Victoria's marriage.

But Krystal is casted on a sitcom, Sulli is still an MC and Luna is acting and they have commercial deals and Victoria guesses maybe it's time she gets some rest and lets her members carry part of the weight.

2012

Krystal is popular, and Sulli leaves Inkigayo.

Victoria films a chinese drama and is absent from the other girls' lives for a few months. They miss her, because she's their mom, but also because she's an important part of the equation. Still, Victoria deserves the best she can get, so they don't bother her too much begging her to come back soon.

For quite some time, there's no f(x) to go around.

Busy nights at the recording studio, singing and dancing lessons, discussions over what kind of music f(x) wants to give to the world is what fills those empty months.

Krystal gets thinner and thinner, and Sulli keeps on telling her to eat more. Krystal laughs it off because they’re being ridiculous but Amber sees the space between her legs grow bigger and bigger as time goes by. They do a few showcases here and there, mostly at universities and festivals. They tour with the SMTown concerts and travel the world.

In that stage, with all the light sticks and the fans, they wish it could be all theirs. Luna dreams of VCR's and set lists, while Sulli and Victoria argue about the clothes they'd like to wear. Krystal listens silently but deep inside she longs for it too. Amber assures her it'll happen someday, even though sometimes she's not too sure.

Finally, on June, their second mini album is released and Electric Shock reaches and all-kill in all download sites, as well as an impressive view ratings on youtube, appearing on the main page of the web. Electric Shock wins them their second triple crown.

Sulli cuts her hair short and starts acting again. But she's not with f(x) as much as she should so f(x) is down to four again. Victoria keeps on thinking that it's wrong, but she sees Sulli's face ,and she has known her for quite a while now to know well enough she’s always wished for something like this. Still, SMTown Seoul with just four is sad, especially when no one cares to cover Sulli's place. Amber thinks no one could have done it, anyway.

Once "To The Beautiful You" is over, f(x) is back to five, but Sulli's tasted the sweet honey of her true passion and Luna sees she longs to taste it again. Sulli's not so satisfied with her idol life anymore and it shows.

The I.Am movie is released and with it, the spark of desire towards an f(x) concert is ignited again but appears to be nowhere in sight.

After Gayo Daejun, f(x) fades into blackness again.

2013

2013 starts with award ceremonies, acceptance speeches and statues to bring back home. f(x) wins quite a few of them. One is important enough to get them an american showcase. Funny thing is, no one would have ever thought they'de be the ones chosen to go, probably not even themselves, but they are, and they're happy with it.

Most importantly, f(x) is the first, and no one else will ever be the first again.

SXSW is mixed with excitement and joy and the club they're performing at is packed. There's f(x) balloons and people singing along and Sulli seems to come back to life, even if just a little. Amber is the speaker of the show and she's happy and she's grateful that they're not forgotten, that they're loved. f(x) feels loved, and the energy of the crowd goes through their veins and straight to  their hearts.

They figure this is what a solo concert must feel like.

But America is not just play, is also work. Before they know it, f(x) is being first again, this time at some sort of sketch show called Funny Or Die. Sulli thinks it's unfair how she longs to act but she's not able to due to language barrier, but she knows when to step back. The rest of the week is spent in LA learning a new choreography. Amber meets her family and finally feels at home.

Later that night Amber thinks f(x) is sort of a home for her, too.

Luna thinks: f(x), I love you! is pretty much everything she'd like to say before she jumps down off the platform. She ponders on it quite a bit, because there are many things she could say. "f(x), I love you" is the clearest in her mind because it's true. She does love f(x), as a whole, and f(x) as each and every one of them. So she shouts it before she jumps, because she wishes for it to give her the strength they've been giving her all these years, knowingly or not. Letters are written and read and hearts are softened and things unsaid are spoken and it looks like things will only go for the better. Sulli’s heart heals, and marches with them at the same pace.

Krystal smiles, because it's always better when it's five and the same.

Just like that, Amber becomes an MC.

Pink Tape is released late July and it does very well on charts. It's acclaimed from fans and critics who claim this is, by far, f(x)'s best work. Rum Pum Pum Pum, their title song, wins them four awards on music shows, and gives them the strength to keep forward and the knowledge that they're still present and loved.

New projects come up, Krystal and Victoria film dramas, Sulli shoots a movie, Luna stars in a musical and Amber is an MC at Show!Champion. Still, when they promote, they always try to be five.

Luna realises five is her favourite number since 2009.

2014

There's sweat on their faces. Luna is crying again because Luna is emotional and she's still little Sunyoung. The other four try hard not to.

Light sticks shine in the darkness, a pearl perliwinkle colour. Victoria thinks it's actually purple blue, but she doesn't push it because it's the most beautiful colour she's ever seen.

They hold their hands and bow to the audience one last time.

Backstage, between the tears and the hugs, Sulli reminds them it's been five years.

They all know it, f(x)'s lucky number is five.

It's always been.