Stirring from his sleep by three in the morning, Kyuhyun frees his body from the restrained arm draped over his waist before dragging his feet to the bathroom.

Eyes half closed, he uncovers the toilet seat and sleepily does his business. He’s still from his encounter with his lover a few hours ago and thus he freely takes a pee before heading to the sink to wash his hands.

As he lazily do so, he can hear someone joining him and as he glances between his half lidded eyes, he catches his lover also heading to the toilet seat with the same sleepy state which makes him giggle. He thoroughly watches how the taller man rubs his tired face before ruffling his after hair, and even that simple move is making Kyuhyun’s heart flutter.

Quickly wiping his hands, he walks to stand behind the tanned man, arms sneaking around his waist and lips busy planting pecks all over his boyfriend’s big muscular back.

Siwon smiles, leaning into his baby’s warmth as he closes his eyes and enjoys it for a few seconds before he turns around, planting a kiss on Kyuhyun’s full lips then moves to the sink to wash as well.

Kyuhyun stands at the bathroom entrance, leaning on the door frame and watching his lover’s each movement as he waits for him to finish so they can return to bed together. In those seconds of waiting, Kyuhyun is having a flashback about their precious moments ever since they got together. Even with all the struggles and the pressure their careers put on their relationship, they still managed to find a way to be with each other. Being gay in the showbiz is really tough, yet Siwon manages to make it all bearable for him. Kyuhyun is so happy to have him by his side and he wouldn’t trade it for the world because nothing makes him feel as alive as the handsome horse he proudly calls his other half.

Too lost in his train of thoughts, he only snaps out of it when Siwon cups his hand, and when he looks up at him, the older is curiously eyeing him while he, Kyuhyun, can only smile before throwing his arms around Siwon’s neck and capturing his lips in an eager kiss.

Siwon is startled for a moment wondering the reason behind the sudden kiss, but then he doesn’t really care about it as he decides to just enjoy it, probing Kyuhyun’s lips and slipping his tongue inside his cavern, then skillfully twirling it around, instantly emitting a loud moan from his lover who tightens his arms around him and pulls him even closer.

They kiss passionately, suddenly forgetting about their sleep until they fall out of breath. When Siwon reluctantly pulls away, Kyuhyun cutely whimpers which earns him a pinch on the cheek by his lover, who’s finding the way Kyuhyun, with his bruised pouting lips, trashing his sleepy head backward is so adorable to watch.

“What was that for?” He curiously asks, noting how a shade of pink travels to Kyuhyun’s face and how he’s only glancing at him between his eyelashes.

“Sleepy?” Siwon asks again, this time earning him a short nod from the pouting Kyuhyun.

“Up” He orders as he puts his hands on Kyuhyun’s cheeks and lifts him up until he’s straddling his waist. Kyuhyun shyly buries his head in Siwon’s shoulder, holding back the groan Siwon’s hands are provoking.

Siwon walks them back to their hotel bedroom, lying Kyuhyun on the soft mattress before taking his spot behind him and pulling him closer to his body. He hugs him tightly until Kyuhyun’s back is pressed against his chest.

Siwon then peeks at his lover’s beautiful face, replaying the events from their earlier concert where he was all over Kyuhyun on stage. Although it wasn’t really reciprocate, but what matters is how they act around each other behind closed doors. Or so that’s what he thought it matters.

“I love you so much, Siwonnie” The words fluently echo around the room, bringing Siwon out of his thoughts as his eyes bulge out and his body freezes. It’s the first time Kyuhyun said these words and thus it really shocks him. They have been dating for a long time and even though Kyuhyun always showed him that he cares about him, still, he never really said the three magic words.

He doesn’t know what he should do or say, but when he gets his senses back, a faint snore tells him that Kyuhyun has already fallen back asleep.

“Good morning, beautiful”

Siwon whispers when he hears a cute yawn from his lover, his face still nuzzled to his nape.

“Good morning”

“Sleep well?”

“Uh-huh”

Kyuhyun slowly turns around, lying on his back and lovingly looking at his boyfriend. He then leans forward and plants a little kiss on his bow shaped lips.

“Babe, can I ask you something?”

“Sure”

“Do you… sleep talk?”

Siwon hesitantly questions, although he has spent too many nights sleeping next to Kyuhyun, still he just has to ask. Kyuhyun curiously eyes him as he thinks for a moment before replying.

“I don’t think so. Why? Did I say something?”

“When we came out of the bathroom… You were awake, no?”

“Guess so”

Siwon averts his gaze away, mind contemplating if he should tell him about what he said or not. He doesn’t want to pressure him even though he’s dying to hear those words again.

“Siwonnie?” Kyuhyun, who’s getting confused by Siwon’s behavior, turns to lie on his side facing him with a little frown on his forehead.

“Never mind. It’s not important” Siwon shrugs it off, putting a smile on his face to not sound suspicious.

“’Kay. I’ll take a shower first”

Kyuhyun then plants another kiss on Siwon’s lips before climbing off the bed and heading to the bathroom.

“Siwonnie? Where are you going?”

Kyuhyun asks when he walks out of the shower and finds Siwon getting dressed ready to go out. Earlier he felt that Siwon is hiding something but he figured the older will tell him about it soon enough. However, as he watches him getting ready to go out, he’s suddenly getting nervous.

“I’m gonna take a jog”

“But we said we’ll hang out together before the concert” Kyuhyun dejectedly states, pouting as he was planning on having some quality time with his lover before the latter has to go to Hong Kong for his new movie.

Siwon on the other hand feels guilty for leaving Kyuhyun alone, but he needs to go out and get some fresh air to re-organize his thoughts. It’s not like he doubts Kyuhyun’s love for him because he doesn’t. It’s just that he can’t figure out a reason why not just say the words.

Sighing, he slowly walks to his lover, cupping his cheeks and pressing his lips to his forehead.

“I know, Kyu. I won’t take long”

Kyuhyun confusedly blinks at him, sensing something is wrong but he can’t put a finger on it. He then softly whispers “A-Are you mad at me?”

“No, no. I’m not”

Siwon mentally slaps himself for his lack of courage right now. He knows he should talk about his insecurities to Kyuhyun, but then he doesn’t want to make him feel uncomfortable.

“Then what is it?”

“I just want some fresh air. I’ll be back shortly”

Kyuhyun wraps his arms around Siwon’s back and pulls him closer, pressing a kiss to his cheek then lips before sadly muttering “Don’t take too long. I’ll be waiting for you”

“I love you”

Siwon mutters, hopeful to get a response, but instead Kyuhyun just shyly smiles at him before pulling him into a hug.

“Don’t tire yourself too much”

Kyuhyun whispers in Siwon’s ear before pulling away and lovingly smiling at him. Siwon fakes a smile as well, disappointedly looking at his lover for a few seconds before turning around and exiting the room.

…

An hour later, Siwon steps into their hotel room, finding Kyuhyun cradled in the couch while watching TV. He’s wearing Siwon’s shirt and short boxers which make him look exquisite in his lover’s eyes.

“Hey”

He softly greets as he walks toward him, earning him an innocent smile that’s making the guilt build up even more in his chest.

“Hi”

He then takes a seat beside the maknae, head hanging low as he nervously plays with his entwined fingers on his lap.

“Feeling better?”

Kyuhyun concernedly asks after a minute and Siwon nods before raising his head and gazing at him.

“I’m sorry. I must’ve been acting weird earlier”

“A little bit”

Siwon smiles and Kyuhyun scoots closer to him, hands wrapping around Siwon’s arm as he lowly mutters “Wanna talk about it?”

Siwon takes a deep breath before confessing “Remember how I said you sleep talk?”

“Yes”

“Well, you told me something and it’s not unimportant like I said. In fact, it’s something I’ve been waiting to hear for so long”

“What’s that?” Kyuhyun curiously asks, starting to feel nervous all of a sudden.

Siwon sighs then mutters “I love you so much”

“I know” Kyuhyun says dumbfounded, and Siwon shakes his head before clarifying.

“No. That’s what you said. I love you so much, Siwonnie”

“Oh, did I?” Kyuhyun casually asks and Siwon keeps his gaze locked on his expression because he will change the subject if Kyuhyun feels uncomfortable talking about it.

When Kyuhyun takes a second to process his lover’s words, Siwon realizes that his heart isn’t ready for whatever excuse Kyuhyun has for him.

“It’s okay if you didn’t mean it. It’s just-“

“Why wouldn’t I mean it? Don’t you know that I care about you?”

Kyuhyun cuts him off, a slight hurt is clear on his face.

“It’s not like that, Kyu”

“How long have we been dating?”

“Two years”

“And we’re practically living together. Doesn’t that tell you that I have love feelings for you?”

Siwon turns to the side, facing Kyuhyun and holding his hands.

“It does but you never said the words, and I mean you can like me and still be with me, but love is a whole another thing”

Kyuhyun knows where Siwon’s words are coming from and he’s kind of to blame for it because he’s not very expressive. However, if Siwon doesn’t realize just how much he loves him, then he must’ve been doing something wrong.

“Siwonnie, I know I have some emotions expressing issues” He does the quote fingers while rolling his eyes since that’s what people tell him although he just thinks it’s in his genes or something to not show how he really feels. Then he adds “But don’t you know how much I care about you by my acts?”

“I do, I do” Siwon quickly replies, suddenly feeling idiotic for acting the way he does right now. He guiltily chews on his lower lip before apologetically locking his gaze on Kyuhyun’s

“I’m so sorry. I’m acting kinda ridiculous right now”

Kyuhyun sweetly smiles, freeing his hands and cupping Siwon’s cheeks before he lovingly states “Oh, my silly honey. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you want to hear it that badly”

“It’s just… it would be nice to say it and hear it back” Siwon pouts a little, eyes darting to the couch.

Kyuhyun pulls away, sitting on his knees and entwining his hands on his lap.

“Okay. Tell me”

“Tell you what?”

“That you love me”

“Kyu, you don’t have to force yourself”

“Just tell me!”

Siwon sighs, cupping Kyuhyun’s cheeks and letting his eyes wander all over his angelic face before he tenderly mutters “I love you so much, sweetheart”

Although it’s not the first time he hears these words, Kyuhyun can’t help but blush and shyly smiles at his handsome boyfriend. He reaches for Siwon’s cheek and caresses it with his knuckles before he whispers “I love you so much, Siwonnie”

Then he’s abruptly pulled into a tight hug, nd even if he can’t see Siwon’s face, Kyuhyun knows that he’s widely grinning by now.

“Thank you. I know how unexpressive you can be”

“Thank you for being patient with me”

Siwon pulls away and Kyuhyun chuckles when he finds himself right about the goofy grin plastered on his lover’s face. But then he remembers something and curiously asks.

“Where is your insecurity coming from?”

“It’s just… on stage. You always avoid me”

Kyuhyun falls silent as he pretty much guessed it has something to do with their skin ship on stage. He might not say anything about it, but he does hear the comments from their band mates about how he’s ignoring Siwon and how he doesn’t care enough about him to show his love toward him on stage.

“It’s just fanservice baby, but you always ignore my skin ship”

Siwon clarifies, carefully noting the change of expression on the younger’s face.

“Exactly, because it’s fanservice”

“What do you mean?”

Kyuhyun leans on the back of the couch and throws his legs over Siwon’s thigh before explaning.

“Siwonnie, I never intended to make you feel rejected but I just don’t like it”

“You don’t like me touching you?”

“Not like that. See... I’m afraid”

Siwon frowns as he watches how Kyuhyun avoids his gaze “Of what, baby?”

“If I reciprocate your skin ship, then it will be fanservice which I don’t want it to be”

Siwon still doesn’t get Kyuhyun’s words and the latter seems to catch on it as he looks at him in the eyes and clarifies.

“I don’t want to taint our relationship with fanservice, because what we have is real… Isn’t it?”

“Yes, of course baby”

“That’s why…”

Siwon nods in understanding, draping his arm around Kyuhyun’s shoulder and bringing him closer. Kyuhyun buries his head in Siwon’s chest while his hand clutches on the man’s top.

“I understand. Then I’ll decrease my amount of skin ship toward you if that helps”

“No, don’t!” Kyuhyun snaps, pulling away and blushingly staring at Siwon who knits his eyebrows in confusion.

“I know it might sound selfish but I like having you close to me. It gives me strength”

Siwon beams at that, pressing a kiss on Kyuhyun’s forehead and bringing him to his embrace again.

“Then I will always stick to your side”

Kyuhyun eagerly nods, probing his head enough to catch Siwon’s lips and engage them in a short kiss.

“Do you really love me?” Siwon carefully asks when they pull away, nervously biting on his lips as he anticipate his lover’s answer.

“How can I not? It’s you, Siwonnie”

“I should’ve talked to you about this sooner”

“You should’ve”

The older smiles, pulling Kyuhyun even closer until he’s almost sitting on his lap, his hand soothingly running up and down his exposed thighs before he seductively suggests “Since we’re having this heart to heart talk, how about sealing it with a little -and by little I mean passionate- love making?”

“Is that so?”

“Uh-huh”

“You’ll show me how much you love me?”

“Don’t I always?”

Siwon proudly replies and Kyuhyun smilingly pulls away, winking at his lover before straddling his hips and wrapping his arms around his neck.

“Then it’s only fair to show you how much I love you”

“Ooh, what do you have in mind?” Siwon’s tone is clearly an excited one as he rests his hands on Kyuhyun’s hips and teasingly rubs his thumbs in circle motions.

“Just relax and enjoy the ride, Mr.Choi”

It starts with hips grinding over Siwon's crotch, then clothes flying all over the place before the only sounds heard are moans, groans, pleads, and words of love and affection.

Because what really matters after all, is what they know inside their hearts and how they act around each other behind closed doors.

- end -