June 2011

“Don’t wake me up tomorrow,” I muttered to my mom.

“Don’t you have a summer class?” she asked.

I actually didn’t care about school that time. It was summer and I didn’t want any of my summer days to be wasted just because of school. Though mom paid a little for the lessons that I needed before I attend my second year, I couldn’t care less.

“I don’t want to go,” I said stubbornly as I covered my face with my pillow.

I was already lying down on my bed and was ready to hit the hay. My bedroom was painted red and white. I had all the cabinets on the wall be made with my old game consoles because I was so attached with them.

It was already eleven-thirty in the evening and I just finished one of the games that I bought last month in the game store. I wanted to play a new one already so I decided to finish the game today.

“Kazu,” my mom said endearingly, “I want you to study tomorrow.”

“Mom,” I answered, “I will study but not tomorrow. I have to do something important.”

My mom suddenly became quiet. I can only hear the buzzing of the aircon’s engine. I even tried to listen hard for my mom’s breathing, afraid that she already passed out because of my stubbornness. But I knew that she was just thinking about what to say to me.

“Is it about a girl?” she asked.

What the…? Why the question about a girl? This was the first time that she asked me about that. Though she was right, I don’t know why she would ask about it. It’s not like I got a girl pregnant and all that. I had averaged grades and I managed to get to high school.

“Eh?” I answered nonchalantly.

“Sorry,” she apologized then sat down on the foot of my bed, “I’ve been thinking about whether you like boys more than girls.”

“What the heck are you blabbing about?” I suddenly jumped and sat up on my bed. I suddenly wanted to shout to my mom.

“It’s just that every summer, all you can think about is your games and Ohno.”

“Mom,” I said clearly, “I like girls, okay?”

My mom sighed heavily as I said my statement. Obviously she really thought that I was gay and that I liked Ohno in a different way. It pains to see her become conscious of my gender preferences. I never even thought of Ohno that way that I got a little flustered.

“But, how come,” she asked, “you have never invited any girls here?”

Gosh, now she wants me to invite girls. I haven’t had any girlfriends yet but that’s beyond my interests when I was younger. I had crushes and all but they were never the type of girls that I really wanted to be my girlfriend.

“Would you want me to marry already?”

Man, I didn’t want to have this conversation with her. She might even ask me about my ity, not that I had a girlfriend to lose it to. It’s that nowadays, most of my classmates are not anymore that it’s a little embarrassing for me to admit.

“No,” she said plainly.

“Alright. Now,” I said, “I’m going to sleep.”

My mom then switched off the lights and I was left alone to think about my feelings for Mao. I can’t remember the time when I started to like her. I seemed to notice her when I saw her in our swimming class in elementary school.

We weren’t really classmates then; she just transferred to my school then and when we had the class, I saw her. Her eyes of deep chocolate brown were looking far away, thinking of a deep thought. At that time, I knew that I like her already; I just didn’t know how to respond to my feelings.

When I learned that she was coming to our summer bonfire last year, I didn’t want to go yet Ohno said that I must come with him since he might flake out as well. I can still remember her words that she had spoken to me. You can simply have the girl that you like but… But, what?

 

 

Ring, ring, ring… I woke up at the sound of my phone ringing. Groggily, I picked it up and answered.

“Hello?”

“Nino?” It was a girl’s voice that I recognize. I was still sleepy and didn’t think of checking who the caller was.

“Ye-es?”

“This is Mao.”

I jumped right up with the name. What time is it? I checked the clock hanging on the wall. It was just four in the morning. Even the roosters weren’t up at this time of the day yet; how come she’s calling me in this time?

“Can I see you now?” she asked. I was already in full alert and my mind was awake still I didn’t have time to think right.

“What do you mean now?” I asked back.

Silence suddenly came to the next line that I had to repeat what I had said. “Mao, what do you mean now?”

“Can I come to your house this moment?” she asked in a very low voice.

“Are you sure?” I asked. Looking at the clock, I noticed that we’ve been talking for five minutes already—without progress.

“Yes,” she answered firmly.

Thankfully, my mom is the only one at home and since she just asked me earlier why I didn’t bring any girl in the house, I decided that it’s alright for her to come. Only ten minutes after her confirmation, she was already in front of me.

I didn’t care that I was still wearing my boxers and large shirt while waiting for her in front of the gate. I thought that she wouldn’t mind that since she called me too early and the morning. She was wearing a simple red dress printed with black swirls. Her hair was a little messy; her eyes were not shining today.

“Come,” I invited her in, holding her left hand gently as I guided her into the house.

“Is it okay if we talk in my room?” I asked her quietly.

She nodded and said, “Okay.”

I looked at her, seeing that she didn’t think that I’d do something naughty, I guided her towards my room upstairs. With her at my tail, the stairs seemed so long and winding even though our house only had two levels. Why did she want to talk to me?

As we entered my room, she looked at my cabinets. Thankfully I didn’t keep all those magazines that Ohno and Sho gave me last year. I guess that being a gamer, I didn’t think too much of any ual contexts. I didn’t even have a girlfriend to do it to, anyway.

“Er--,” she started.

“Oh,” I noticed that we were still both standing and neither of us knew what to do. “Please, sit,” I gestured towards my bed and she sat down.

Thousands of questions were now in my head as I see the girl that I liked in my bedroom, even sitting on my bed. What will happen? I didn’t know. I don’t want to make any assumptions since I didn’t have any clue as to what she wanted to talk about.

I sat down on the floor to give her some space. I didn’t want to make her feel that I will take advantage of her frailness today though my body was trying to force evil thoughts into my mind, giving me a hard on.

“Uhm,” she continued, “I want to ask you something.”

Fine. At least she’s the first one to ask; my questions might disappear after having hear her own questions.

“Shoot,” I encouraged her.

“Will you be my boyfriend?”

Damn, my hearing really is bad. Maybe having her here made me want to think that she might ask me out. Should I ask her what she said again? The birds were already up and about as I hear most of the birds tweet near my window.

“Beg your pardon?” I asked, straining my voice--making it seem like I wasn’t flustered with her question.

“Is it okay?” she didn’t repeat the same question. I guess she knows from my facial expression that I had heard her the first time. So she’s really asking me out.

I should say yes. I should say it right away. I like you so much! But it seemed so wrong. I can’t help but think that she just wanted to forget Matsujun and only use me. I couldn’t think rationally that in spite of my second thoughts, I stood up and sat down beside her.