I'm Im Yoona. I'm a hopeless romantic.

 

And I want love. Not just a relationship. I want love.

 

I was searching for it when I met him. Kim Myungsoo.

 

Is this love?

 

xoxo

 

It was actually a peculiar meeting. Or maybe not so. We met online. In a place where everyone was a stranger to each other, we were able to cross paths.

 

The two of us talked. We talked as if we knew each other in real life. We talked as if we have been friends for a long time. We even talked about . We probably just felt comfortable with each other that we’d discuss anything. I liked talking to him.

 

But it was a realm wherein everyone was a stranger. Everyone’s relationship was like… tangent lines. Meet just once, then never to meet again. Or at least for the most part, it was like that.

 

But it was different for the two of us. We met for four, even five, consecutive times. After the first conversation, I disconnected from our chat and we said our goodbyes. I was actually going to sleep but decided to have a short convo with another random person again. “5 minutes.” I told myself as the next random stranger greeted me. But it was him again. I recognized the way he talked. It was just too easy for me to recognize people’s speech pattern. But I really had to sleep so for the second time that night, we parted ways.

 

The next night, I thought we’d meet again. It would be nice if we were to meet again. I liked talking to him. I actually met another person who was looking for him. That other girl seemed desperate to talk to him again. “We have unfinished business.” She said. The desperate girl disconnected from our convo and I greeted the next random stranger. But it wasn’t another stranger. It was him. Again. for the third time.

 

That time, we talked about a lot and I thought, “I bet I can make him ask for my facebook account. If I like him, I’ll try to get him wrapped around my finger.” By that, I didn’t mean I’d play with him. I want a serious relationship. I want love. I want commitment. So if I were to like him, I want him wrapped around my little finger—I want him to be so into me that he’d want no one else but me.

 

I didn’t have to try hard. He eventually asked for my facebook account. We became facebook friends. I liked him physically. I liked talking to him so I liked his intellect, too. I liked him, I guess?

 

Even so, we didn’t talk in there. We continued talking in that temporary space where everything will eventually get lost and forgotten.

 

The next night, I went back to that site. Magically, it was him whom I’ve talked to again. It was for the fifth time. Yes, fifth. There’s a secret fourth crossing of paths but it’s a secret that I never told him. Or anyone. It was actually the third but, oh well.

 

Anyway, we decided to talk in facebook instead.

 

Things were going well for me. I thought I could do it—the wrap-him-around-the-finger thingy. And he was. I was able to. I thought. He sends me messages every night. He tells me sweet things. “I don’t usually flirt but I do with you. Suddenly, there’s a red light on your face.”He’s a bit cheesy, yeah. “Suddenly, I’m alive.” He says lots of sweet stuff. “If girls were pokemons, I’d choose you.” He was a flirt. “Only to you.” He says.

 

So I started investing feelings.

 

“You love tea so much.”

 

“Yeah, you should consider changing your name to Tea.”

 

“But I like my name.”

 

“Well, it’s okay. But now I don’t know who I love more.”

 

But, okay, I haven’t told you this fact. I currently live in Tokyo. He lives in Seoul. But I will be going back to my hometown soon. I’ll be meeting him soon. I’m actually excited.

 

“I burnt my arm L”

 

“Apply toothpaste?”

 

“Well, it doesn’t hurt. It’s just that it’ll leave an ugly scar.”

 

Silence.

 

“Ugh! I can’t do good research about dermatology!”

 

He was never direct at saying he likes me but he hints it. He shows care.

 

“I used to have this complicated love story with a girl. My parents were against it.”

 

“That’s terrible.”

 

“I know. But I’ll make sure you pass.”

 

Anyway, until then, we just talk online. Just recently, he started to video call. I don’t like video calls. I don’t like seeing myself in videos. But okaaaay. For the sake of this… err… thingy.

 

“I don’t want to see your ceiling.”

 

“I don’t want to show my face. In the meantime, stare at my ceiling.”

 

“But it’s not beautiful. It’s not cute.”

 

All was going well.

 

But we are both university students. He was… a… nerd? No, not really. But he likes having good grades. He was competitive. He was… a tiger. In a sense. If you get what I’m trying to get at. Yeah.

 

And I was a… seal. Or so they say. Kind and carefree and romantic. And uh… helpless.

 

Anyway, he often had mood swings. Prolly stressed from all the pressures he puts himself into. I try to calm him down, being the carefree one. But he’s too… logical. Rational. The kind who’d want to perfect a gwiyomi vid, learning how it is OUGHT to be done. I was like, “C’mon, being cute is… natural. There’s no way you could analyse it.” Even so, he was that type. I felt like he’d explode, trying to perfect the cute vid. I could do it effortlessly.

 

One time, he got moody and I was scared. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t even want to see him online. I was so scared. I mean, a seal would get scared of a tiger, right? I was so worried. I angered him. I kept saying sorry and he told me it was his fault for being moody. Still, I was so scared.

 

But the next day, everything seemed fine. I was the only one getting worried.

 

And yeah, everything was fine. Until he told me wanted to be focused on being a student. An ideal student. He’s a perfectionist so he wants his grades to be nothing but perfect. And then he video called me.

 

“I just want to see you smile” was what he said.

 

And printscreen-ed it. It was stupid. I have tons of pictures in facebook. Why printscreen a low quality video of me?

 

The next night, he was talking about this girl who has a crush on her. And he seemed like he entertains her. As if he likes her.

 

“But too bad I’m currently aual.”

 

“In a relationship with your academic life.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

And he didn’t talk to me anymore.

 

I want to talk to him. I like talking to him.

 

I miss him.

 

So, what now? Where do I stand?

 

I guess I’m the one wrapped around one’s finger now.