It had been a long time since the last time I saw him. I didn't dare to face him anymore. Forgive me, Jeongmin. All I could do was hide. 

I was sitting on the bed I hated the most, looking over the window. The sky was grey. My tears slowly escaped. Ah, I always cried when I remembered him. I looked around the white room I had been prisoned for weeks. The sickening smell made me weaker. I really wanted to escape from here, to meet him. But then what could I do? I was weak... To walk was something hard for me to do now, unlike several months ago, the last time I could run and hug Jeongmin.

I sighed. Deep in my heart I really missed those times I could be together with him. Looking at his sleeping face in the class. Looking at his naughty smile everytime he made me blushed. I missed everything about him, even I missed the way he tidying his hair everytime he saw any mirror.

But I could not meet him like this. Not when I was in the weakest state.

I often thought of him. Almost everytime when I was alone, the memories of him would appear. It was beautiful yet painful, realizing that I would never repeat those things. 

--

"My ideal girl?" he asked.

"Yeah, your type of ideal girl." He showed me a blank look. "I just want to know, "I continued.

"Mmm, it should be a girl who is smart, funny, and has a long hair." he said.

"Long hair?" I asked.

"Like you," he said. Then he quickly averted his gaze to avoid mine. "My long haired girl"

--

I missed him. I missed him so bad. I looked over the window, realizing many people were going out in this lovely autumn day. Jeongmin liked days like this, not too hot, windy, yet perfect for a trip. I thought about him over and over again....

I grabbed my phone and looked at the messages Jeongmin sent me. All of his worried message, all of his care were replied with perfect lies. I was a big liar. What kind of girlfriend lied to her boyfriend this far?

I cried and curled up myself. It was not I did not want to meet him, it was...

"Yoboseyo? Yoon Mi?"

That voice of him startled me.

"Yoboseyo?" that voice called again.

I realized his voice came from my phone. Accidentally, I pressed the dial button on his message. I mentaly cursed my self for being so careless and foolish. 

I didn't know what to do. His voice reminded me how much I missed him.

"Yoon Mi? Are you there?" He started to get panic. "Yoon Mi-ya... Yoonmi...."

I wiped my tears and answered.

"Jeongminnie.."

"Eh, what's wrong with your voice?"

"Um, nothing, just a bit sick, since I am being busy here. How are you?"

"I'm good, and I miss you. Why do you have to go to that college? You can enter Seoul Arts with me, so I won't be missing you everyday," he said. Sorry. I lied to you again. I told him I need to move to another town, so that he wouldn't know I was here, weakly sitting down in a hospital room.

"I-it's okay, right? We can still talk by phone," I said with a shaky voice.

"I know you were crying," he said in a calm tone, "... mind to tell me what happened?"

How could I lie to this good guy?

"N-no.. It was just a bit tough here. I was stressed. You know I am slow to adapt, right?" Another lie was said by this stupid mouth. I could hear he smiled.

"I know. Promise me you will be alright."

"Hmm"

"Promise me you will take care, okay?" I could hear his worried voice.

"I will. Don't be too worried. That's not so you, ehehe..." I laughed, a stiff laugh.

"This girl, really... I told you to take care, mm?"

"I will, Jeong babo. I will. You too," I said, trying to be cheerful. You really had to take care, Jeongmin.

"Ne, I will, Yoon Mi babo."

 I couldn't cry again. I had to hide it. He would notice it if my voice suddenly changed.

I wanted to burn myself that time. Such a liar.

"Jeongminnie..." I paused a bit, " I need to go. I will talk to you later, okay?"

"W-wait.. Yoon Mi, please..." he said, right before I pressed the 'end' button.

"Um, ne?" I said. I was afraid he knew I was lying.

"No, it's just...I just want to hear your voice. I.. really really miss you. Remember to call me again,"

"I know. Then see you later. I'll hang up,okay? Bye Jeongie." before I heard his voice I already ended the call.

This kind of feeling was suffocating. I acted like I was fine when I talked to him but inside, I was afraid and lonely. I was sick, lonely, and I lied to him.

My gaze was averted to the floor. My hair was there. It was caused by a great hairfall that came after I got a chemotherapy. I would not be his long haired girl anymore. 

 

----------