When did this feeling start and when will it end?

It’s a question he asks himself as the day slowly winds to a close and the sun gradually fades into the horizon. His feet dangle on the edge of the bench as he gently kicks, his fingers clenching and unclenching as he nervously fidgets wondering when the other party will arrive. With hair parted towards one side, his shirt tucked into blue jeans he hummed just the slightest, checking his phone here and there as he happily smiled in anticipation.

Ears perk up upon hearing his name and turning ever so slightly his eyes meet warm brown ones as whites glisten under the setting sun. Greetings were exchanged and standing, the young male quickly made his way towards the other party. An arm was tossed around his shoulder as the other party asked, “Did you wait too long, birthday boy?”

Shaking his head, the young male softly grumbled, “Nah, I just got here myself.”

Their chest shook just the slightest before laughter escaped their lips and a hand gently collided with the young male’s back.

“That’s good! That’s good~! Sorry I took so long! It’s your birthday and I still arrived late! Oh!” The other party exclaimed suddenly as if realizing something, “I hope you don’t mind but I invited someone else, she should be here soon!” They chimed warmly, their features softening just the slightest. Pulling away they glanced out into the distance fondly.

Bitterly, a smile overtook his features as he felt his mood drop. The day that was supposed to be dedicated towards him, towards the day he was born suddenly felt disregarded. Though, feeling like he couldn’t decline him, that he shouldn’t upset him, he grumbled, “Still a love sick dog, aren’t we Dongwoon? Did you forget that it’s my special day?”

Without any sort of hesitation the tall brown haired male’s head bobbed just the slightest and a broad smile spread across his lips. Shyly, fingers ran through tousled hair, slowly untangling strands as he softly murmured, “I’m sorry, I can’t help it though … I think she’s the one you know. We can’t spend a lot of time with each other because of our jobs and I certainly can’t leave you all alone on such a special day ….”

His eyes burned and his heart thumped softly against his chest as his fingers curled and uncurled once more.

“Is that so~? Well at least, I know I’m being loved.” He whispered, his lips curling upwards cynically as he fell onto the bench once more. Silence enveloped the two for a long moment and he could only watch as the sun painted the skies red, pink, orange and yellow. The anticipation he held, the happiness he felt moments before was replaced with bitterness as he glanced towards the sound of feet meeting the pavement.

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” She exclaimed, her chest rising and falling as she rested the palms of her hands against her knees. Labored breath escaped slightly parted lips as blue green eyes fluttered shut.

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” Dongwoon exclaimed as he quickly made his way towards her side. A hand was gently placed on her back, helping her catch her breath and soothing away any sorts of pain she felt. Then, watching as she straightened, Dongwoon smiled as she worriedly asked if they waited too long.

He nodded teasingly, his eyes sparkling in amusement as her face twisted in disappointment and concern. Then, laughter was heard as explanations were given. With a broad grin, his lips softly melded against hers, before their fingers entwined and the two finally turned their attention towards him. Eyes narrowed and teasing remarks left his lips as he slowly made his way inside the small bowling arena. Sometimes, misery sure loved its company.

---

The first time they met, he knew he couldn’t handle his type; the overly confident, cocky and overall arrogant type of person. They spoke a lot, but they never could back up their own words; a dog with no bite, so he liked to say. Surrounded by a group of overly confident and cocky boys, he watched as they exchanged words and teased others surrounding them.

He watched as girls flocked to them and swooned over the things they said or hear all the hushed whispers of how handsome those boys were. The moment he first laid eyes upon him, he was sure he’d never get along with him.

However, fate had its own cruel twist as his eyes scanned a roster of names, and he found himself standing next to the taller male. An exclamation was heard, along with a groan and he found himself eavesdropping as the male complained about how he was in a class with none of his friends and no one he knew; a class that he happened to be in.

 With a roll of his eyes and a sigh escaping his lips, the soles of his feet grudgingly dragged themselves towards his new classroom. He seated himself in a far corner and pulled out one of his novels as he waited for the bell.

Thirty minutes after his arrival, the bell sounded and students filed into the once empty classroom. Chatter was heard as they chatted with one another, seating themselves wherever they pleased before the homeroom teacher finally appeared herself. Greetings were given and soon after, seats were assigned. Standing, he watched with bated breath as she seated each to a seat. Finally after what seemed like hours he was seated and with a heave of his chest, he couldn’t help but realize just who he was seated next to.

Reluctantly, he dragged himself towards the far corner of the classroom. The window seemed to call to him as birds chirped and clouds floated by. Although, the person seated next to him didn’t, after what seemed like hours, he forcefully willed himself to be seated. Papers were handed out and rules were run over as class started. Then, a bell sounded as recess was given to the new high school students.

With some free time on their hands and lunch hours away, students quickly fled out the room to buy some snacks or take a bathroom break. Without feeling the need to do any of those, he remained seated and decided to just glance out the window. That was until he felt a pair of eyes burning through him. Vexed, his head snapped towards his neighboring classmate. His lips parted but the words seemed to fall short as a broad smile covered their features and a hand was stuck out in front of him.

“I’m Son Dongwoon! I’ll be in your care from now on, so let’s get along~!” He chimed, eyes narrowing as his smile grew more and more. Speechless, he wondered how to answer that, or how he could even reject such a greeting as their palms touched and fingers tightened around the others’ hand.

From that moment on, he was captivated. The impression he first had the resentment he felt towards him were instantly diminished.

As time passed and seasons changed the feelings he first held grew more and more. With each passing day, he grew to learn more and more sides of Dongwoon. His heart fluttered when his arm suddenly wrapped itself around his shoulders as an early morning greeting. His pride swelled when he stole some food from his lunchbox and then exclaimed how good his food was. His cheeks flushed when they shared a drink and as time ticked on and on, he wondered when this fruitless love bloom. When would his feelings be recuperated? These questions were soon answered when, one day the tall male approached him, cheeks dusted pink and eyes glistening.

“I think … I’ve fallen in love with someone.”

---

Years passed, seasons changed and now, he was turning twenty-one. How many years had these feelings grow unnoticed? How many years had he stood by his side, watching as the person he loved poured his heart into another being? More and more, he found himself loving him. He found himself wishing to be in her shoes, to know what a kiss would feel like from the one you love. To experience, and display the same expression they wore on their faces around him.

To this day, he wondered what it felt like to love and be loved in return. As he dwelled on these feelings, night fell and the moon shone above them. The trio left the bowling arena and had just finished the birthday dinner at a local restaurant. Laughter escaped Dongwoon’s lips as he felt the alcohol finally take effect.  His arm was draped around her shoulder and his head rested upon hers as the two chatted merrily about various things occasionally including him in the conversation.

His heart throbbed painfully and a smile cynically graced his features as he watched over them. The feelings that dwelled within his heart begged to be told and yet, he couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if he told him?

Would his feelings finally be recuperated? Or would he be rejected and scorned? The privilege of being the one he leaned on during tough times would never be seen again. Yet, somehow he wondered if all of that was really worth it. The trio continued trudging onwards before they reached the dwells of her home and watching as his lips met hers once more he felt a pang in his chest and his longing grow.

Farewells were given one last time and then the two strolled down the brittle pathway. Guided by the dimmed streetlights, his eyes focused on the once smoothly paved sidewalk that was worn down by years of use. His heart resounded in his chest and thoughts swam in his mind as the desire to tell Dongwoon how he felt grew more and more.

To either feel miserable or be rejected, he wasn’t sure which of the two were worst. Thoughts continued to swarm through his head as the soft chirping of crickets were heard, as if chiding him into telling him his feelings. Finally mustering up the courage, the young male finally stammered out, “I love you!”

With bated breath, he watched as the other male came to a stop. The crickets seemed to quiet down and for a long moment the world seemed to spun around as him as Dongwoon turned to face him. Confusion was written in his eyes as he tilted his head slightly and asked, “What?”

Crimson painted his features as he balled his hands into fist, sweat seeping in as his heart raced, loudly thumping against the cage of his ribs.

“I-I love you!” He stated once more, feeling his courage gather.

For a long moment, silence hung above the two. Then, smiling, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, a soft chuckle escaped Dongwoon’s lips. Striding up to him, a hand placed itself in the soft strands of his hair before tousling the strands together. Laughing, Dongwoon innocently stated, “What are you talking about? Of course you do, you wouldn’t be my best friend if you didn’t! That being said, I love you too!”

With a pat on his back and one last chuckle, he pulled his hands away and entwined them together resting them atop his head. A hum escaped his lips and the young male merely stood there, his eyes wide and his mouth agape. His heart pounded against his chest and finally snapping back to his senses, he chuckled acrimoniously.

Shoving his hands into his pockets, he hung his head as he quickly caught up to the elder male. Then, glancing up towards him he searched for some sort of response; something that would let him know that these were his actual feelings. Or that it was some sort of dream.

Realization seemed to hit him, as a sullen smile lit his features. These feelings he held would never be recuperated. That longing to love and be loved in return was never to be felt. Heaving a sigh, he softly muttered, “I just remembered that I have something I need to do.”

Curiously, glancing towards him, the brunette merely tilted his head before asking, “Want me to come with?”

His head shook slightly and mustering up all his strength to keep his voice from trembling he smiled, stating, “Nah.”

He hoped it seemed natural, he hoped it didn’t seem off and his wishes were answered as a fist gently met his arm as  a playful punch and a smile – the smile he loved – adorned Dongwoon’s features.

“Then, be careful alright? Take care and happy birthday once more~!”

A nod was given as a response as well as a slight wave and as he turned, the tears that had begun to form slowly slid down his cheeks, clinging to his eyelashes. His form shook and his hands quivered as the two made their separate ways down the dimly lit street.

“I love you.”