Hakyeon smiled weakly at himself as he watched his reflection in the mirror. His heart sunk a little more as tired eyes gazed back at him empty of all emotion. Water dripped from his face as he splashed it again, trying to get the last traces of the heavy make-up off his face, feeling as if a giant bolder was being lifted from his shoulders as he did. A soft knock drew him away from his staring contest with his mirror self. He sighed, drying his face with a towel as he pulled out another bright N smile, opening the door. Taekwoon gazed at him with cold eyes, eyes that seemed to always see through him yet never said a word. ‘Is anything wrong Taekwoonie? Did the maknae’s eat all the food again?’ Hakyeon teased, eyes alight with fake amusement. Taekwoon shook his head, sighing at the defenses the older put up every time. ‘No, manager just wanted me to tell you he needs to talk to you once everyone is in the bedroom and that to hurry up’ Taekwoons voice was soft, sweet, unlike his exterior image. Hakyeon knew that underneath it all was a shy boy who was afraid to get lost in the waves and torn apart in the hidden currents of the idol world they now lived in. Hakyeon smiled brightly, placing a hand on the taller boy’s shoulder, ‘Thanks Taekwoonie, my head phones are in my bag if you want to listen to some music while you sleep’. Taekwoon nodded, offering him a small smile as he headed off, leaving the leader’s smile to slip away to the blank expression he had every time he was alone.

      Hakyeon took a deep breath, running a hand through his damp red hair; he wasn’t use to the color. It was too bright. ‘Bright like your personality N!’ their manager had reasoned when Hakyeon had awoken to bright red hair instead of brown like they told him he was getting. He returned his gaze to the mirror, eyes meeting the empty ones once again. Often he’d find himself staring for hours while the others slept, comparing the mirrored version of himself to N. N was the overly happy and talkative leader, strict and always messing at the same time. He never stopped talking or being in the spotlight, he was bright, bubbly, and happy. He was everything Hakyeon wasn’t. Hakyeon was being smothered, forgotten. It wasn’t until the lights went down and the makeup was washed away did Hakyeon appear with his tired eyes. At the end of the day he was Hakyeon, the twenty-three year old idol who was struggling under the stage name he’d created for himself, the one that had five other people resting on his shoulders. Not to mention the expectations of fans and management. Everything fell to the shoulders of the leader. If someone made a mistake, it was Hakyeons fault for being neglectful and careless. There was no escaping the life that he’d accepted blindly. He hadn’t known how big of a role the leader was when he accepted it. He didn’t know that a gap of just a year could make him feel out of touch with some of the members. Even Taekwoon was distant to him despite only having a few months between them. Hakyeon was twenty-three, living as an idol and he was completely alone despite the six other people living in the small dorm. He was the leader; he didn’t get the luxury of having someone to lean on. All he had was the tired eyes in the mirror telling him there was always tomorrow, that it wouldn’t be this hard forever.

       Taekwoon kept his eyes on the bathroom door, narrowing them as he waited for the bright haired leader to exit the room. He wasn’t showering, he’d just been talking to him yet there was no sign of life behind the closed door. Taekwoon often wondered what ran through their leaders mind late at night like tonight. He wanted to know what it was behind that bright smile that constantly tugged at his soul, telling him there was more to the over happy boy then meets the eye. He fiddled with the leaders headphones, the faint smell of Hakyeons aftershave filling his sense as he kept them over his ears yet he couldn’t bring himself to press play on his iPod, he was too busy listening to the conversation between the three younger members as the maknae slept at Hongbins side. ‘It’s stupid. Leaders are meant to be the reserved ones, the ones that encourage others to have some spotlight, not hog it for themselves’ Jaehwan scoffed, legs draped over Wonshiks as he lay back against the arm of the couch. Wonshik smirked, gazing between Hongbin and Jaehwan. ‘He’s useless anyway. He can dance, but don’t you remember the criticism he got during MyDol? I never thought he’d actually get through, I was hoping we’d have Nakhun hyung with us. He was always so caring. He actually cared about us, not his own appearance’ Wonshik sighed, running a hand through his blonde hair, messing it up even more. Taekwoon narrowed his eyes in disgust at the member’s comments, hoping that Hakyeon was busy and wouldn’t hear it. It wasn’t Hakyeon fault that he had to fill the silence and make up for the lack of energy when the others decided that they could half their way through broadcasts. Hakyeon was a more then capable leader, especially off camera. How many times had Taekwoon found him comforting a homesick or stressed out maknae. How many times did he squeeze Taekwoons shoulder to reassure him that he was real, that this was real and it’d be okay.

     ‘All he does is bring down the image of the group. You heard our physical trainer, he’s put up weight again and it’s throwing off his dance. The one thing he’s good at and he can’t even do that right’ Hongbin yawned, shifting slightly as Hyuk grumbled in his sleep against his arm. ‘Even Leo hates the idiot. I mean he jokes about hating the rest of us but the way he treats and looks at Hakyeon says more then enough. Leo’s the most honest out of all of us, if he doesn’t think Hakyeons a good leader or idol then why should we?’ Jaehwan smirked, kneeing Wonshik in the stomach gently as he glanced at his hyung who sat with headphones on against the window. Taekwoon glanced up, ready to defend the leader but the sound of the bathroom door opening had everyone sitting up straight. Hakyeon had a towel around his neck to prevent his shirt getting wet as he smiled brightly before heading towards them. ‘, you don’t think he heard us right?’ Wonshik managed a smile, waving to his hyung as Hakyeon gazed at them warily. Jaehwan shook his head in relief as Hakyeon just smiled. If only they looked closer like Taekwoon did, if only they’d spent hours observing their leader would they knew he’d heard everything. Taekwoon could see the tears collecting at the edge of Hakyeons uniquely shaped eyes, the slump in his shoulders as they trembled slightly. If they paid attention to his voice, they’d notice the slight pain that tinged it as the words tumbled past the goofy smile. ‘Bed time guys. It’s late and we’ve our last stage tomorrow. We want to end this smoothly and give our starlight’s something to remember. We don’t need eye bags while performing, not all of us can be as handsome as Hongbinnie’ Hakyeon teased, walking over to pick up the maknae. The others nodded, laughing at his joke, pretending when Taekwoon could see the annoyance behind their eyes.

            Hakyeon cradled the maknae to his chest as the younger stirred. ‘H-hyung, are you okay? You’re shaking hyung’ Hyuk mumbled softly, eyes cracking open to gaze at his leader adoringly. Hakyeon felt his heart crack even more as he carried the younger to their shared room, ignoring the looks the other three threw at him as Taekwoon followed behind him slowly, pretending to be engrossed in the music and his phone. Wonshik had rolled out Hyuk’s blankets and Hakyeon set the maknae gently, covering him with his own blankets as well as Hyuks. ‘Don’t worry about me Hyukkie, get some more sleep okay?” Hakyeon smiled softly, brushing the younger’s hair from his face. Hyuk yawned, snuggling deep into Hakyeons blanket, ‘Hyung, do you think my parents are proud of me now?’ Hakyeon could feel all eyes on him as he the maknae’s hair softly. ‘Of course they are Hyukkie. I’m proud of you too, you’ve improved so much, you’ll be better then Hyung soon enough. You won’t need me to teach you dance steps anymore’ Hakyeon teased softly as Taekwoon sat behind him, resting his head on his back, listening to the olders heart beat as he talked to the maknae. ‘I’ll always need you, you’re my hyung. Don’t…ever…change…h-hyung’ Hyuk mumbled, already asleep by the end of the sentence. Hakyeon took a deep shaky breath as he steadied himself. Taekwoons hand rested just under the end of his t-shirt, drawing small circles into the tan skin of Hakyeons back. ‘Listen to Hyuk, hyung. He’s right when he says never change’ Taekwoon muttered against his back softly as the others rolled their eyes, slipping into their own beds. Hakyeon smiled, reaching back to ruffle Taekwoons dark silky hair as he moved away from the leader. ‘Aren’t you going to sleep hyung?’ Wonshik yawned as he readied himself to head to his room. Hakyeon gave him a tired smile, surprising the younger who wasn’t use to seeing anything but excitement and anger on the olders face. Hakyeon shook his head. ‘I need to see Manager Hyung and then I need to go back to the company for a while, stay in here tonight Wonshik. I don’t want to wake you all when I get back, you need sleep’.

     Taekwoon watched as the leader gave them all an encouraging, soft smile before switching off the lights and stepping out of the room. Taekwoon pulled his knees to his chest as he watched the door; ears alert for any sounds, his stomach knotting with fear and despair as he waited. ‘Hyung?’ Wonshik crawled over, sitting beside him as he gazed between his hyung and the door. ‘Ne Wonshik-ah?” Taekwoon asked softly, not letting his gaze falter as the younger shivered beside him. ‘Did something seem off about Hyung? He…he seemed tired…he didn’t hear us did he? You know we didn’t actually mean it…we’re all just so frustrated…’ Wonshik whispered, resting his head in his arms. Taekwoon glanced at the younger, a sad smile on his lips as he threw a comforting arm around the younger. ‘It’ll be okay Wonshik-ah. Hyung’s….’.

           Taekwoon broke his sentence in fright. A sickening sound of skin slapping skin filling the silence as the other members slept. A body fell to the floor and a soft whimper was heard through the door. ‘I’m…I’m sorry H-Hyung’ Hakyeons voice was weak and cracked. Taekwoon went to stand, anger searing through his veins like acid at the sound of Hakyeon’s voice. He’d never heard him sound so weak or lost, not even when they were trainees and they’d cry from missing home. ‘It’s not good enough N! Do you see any other leader letting the group down? I don’t care if you have to use violence or whatever it is, but you are the leader. It’s your job to push them into being the best. The leader isn’t important. We gave you this task because of your lack of talent N. And now you let us down again? Do you know how close you are to being dropped because you can’t get the others to adjust to screen life?’ Taekwoon closed his eyes as Wonshik held him back, arms tight around as he buried his head in his hyung’s shoulder. They couldn’t hear Hakyeons reply, only silence as their manager laughed harshly. ‘You’re useless, worthless. We were kind enough to give you a chance. Is this how you repay us? Leo doesn’t ing speak and just glares. We’ve had complaints from various TV and radio stations about the behavior of Ravi and Ken. Hyuk can’t even dance a few steps without giving up and Hongbin is still nothing but a pretty face. It’s your job to make sure they’re improving N. Get it together or get out, do you hear me?’ their manager threatened. Taekwoon tried to shove Wonshik away, trying to call out as Wonshik covered his mouth Another slap was heard followed by another whimper, followed by another as Taekwoon went slack against a shaking Wonshik. ‘I...I hear you Hyung..’ Hakyeon managed to say between shaky breaths and tears. ‘You better have because if there isn’t any change by the end of the month N, you’re gone for good and we’ll be sending you back home, not back into training. We’ve wasted enough money on you. Now get out of my sight, I’m sick of seeing your tanned face’ their manager spat. Taekwoon let out a soft sob against the strong muscle of Wonshiks shoulder as the younger held him, trying to hold back his own tears. ‘I…I didn’t know Hyung had to…my god…has this always been like this…’ Jaehwan’s voice broke the tension in the room as he gazed at them from his bed, ‘He never said anything…’.

             Taekwoon shoved Wonshik away roughly, anger building with the tears in his eyes as he glared at them. ‘He is the Leader; of course he wouldn’t say anything! When has he ever once complained? He’s never said a word against all of your stupid pranks despite the fact that he has to go and apologize or fix things with PD’s afterwards! Yet you blindly badmouth him just because he’s told to be the way he is. Hakyeon isn’t N. N isn’t Hakyeon. When will you figure it out’ Taekwoon snapped, his usually gentle and emotionless voice raw with anger and unshed tears as he stormed to the door, leaving the others in silence. Taekwoon made his way into the living room quietly, sharp eyes desperately searching for the person he wanted to hold, the one who needed him right now. He didn’t care if it was out of character for him, he did think he could handle the leader being alone in tears. His chest ached at the thought of Hakyeon crying alone, but the leader was no where in sight. Taekwoon bit his lip, scanning for any evidence. His eyes stopped on the door that was open slightly and the missing pair of shoes. He stumbled towards the door before it clicked. The roof.

            Hakyeon sobbed. It was okay to not be okay up here, it was okay to let the harsh cries fall from his lips and into the night sky. The noise of the city rushing by hid his sobs, hid the pained sounds that let his lips in the dozens as he tucked himself into the corner of the roof to avoid the harsh wind. Tears rolled down his cheeks and into the palm of his hands as he hid his face. He didn’t want to expose his ugliness, his weakness to the world. He was meant to be a leader. He was meant to be strong and able to handle all situations with a smile, what use was he if he couldn’t handle the truth and resorted to tears? He felt lost and useless. Even the members hated him. They wished he was Nakhun, honestly, Hakyeon didn’t blame them. Nakhun was everything Hakyeon wasn’t, he wouldn’t have been someone to hide behind a name and cower against management. The again Nakhun would have been praised; Nakhun would have been the perfect leader. Everyone listened to him, even Jaehwan and Taekwoon. Rain started to fall in light drops against his cold bare arms but he didn’t move. If he moved, if he let go of his knees, he’d fall to pieces. He would never understand how his older sister had handled him and his brother. She was always so calm and caring, always pay attention to what was going on with them. She’d be disappointed when she found out about his tears. She’d turn her back on him for failing like his parents would. He’d become the disgrace of his family. Hakyeon laughed slightly, choking back his sobs as he let his head fall back against the wall with a painful thump. ‘Look at yourself Hakyeon’ he laughed shakily, ‘You really are pathetic and worthless and stupid like everyone says’. Hakyeon smiled bitterly at his own words, raising himself on shaky legs only to sit himself on the edge of the room, legs under the railing as he clutched it tightly, watching the tiny dots of light that were cars race by.

         ‘Hyung! What the hell do you think your doing Hakyeon?’ a sharp voice cause Hakyeon to jump, body slipping slightly as he grabbed the bars tighter heart pounding. He could feel himself slipping as strong arms wound around his waist, pulling him from his position and to the ground, his head making contact with a firm chest as the person cradled him protectively. ‘What were you doing Hyung? Were you trying to get yourself killed?” Taekwoons eyes filled with tears as he held the older boy against him, hands soothing his back in a comforting fashion. Hakyeon gripped the soft fabric of Taekwoons shirt; his answer coming out in broken sobs and hiccups against Taekwoons strong shoulders. Hakyeons heart pounded and his voice failed him as he gave into the warm embrace of the other boy. Taekwoon let his fingers betray just how desperate he was to keep the other safe as they clutched Hakyeons shirt tightly, his voice soft as silent tears ran down pale cheeks. ‘I’ve got you Hyung, its okay. I won’t let anybody else hurt you. I promise hyung, you can lean on me. I’m here Hakyeon’ Taekwoon kept the tears from his velvet voice, simply pressing his cheek against the bright haired boys head. They sat in silence as Hakyeons sobs calmed down until all that was heard was soft whimpers and little gasps for air. Hakyeon lifted his head from the safety of Taekwoons chest, meeting dark tear filled eyes. Taekwoons eyes were normally dark, convey no emotion but now they showed everything. The fear and pain he felt from seeing their leader like this. ‘I didn’t mean to scare you Taekwoonie. Let’s forget about this okay? We’ll walk through the door and I’ll have my smile on and we’ll forget this happened’ Hakyeon laughed shakily as he gazed at the younger who refused to release him.

         Taekwoon shook his head, a rare smile on his face as he gazed at Hakyeon tenderly. ‘Hyung, did you know that when you show your true self your more beautiful then when you’re N and smothered in makeup?’ Taekwoon laughed softly, fingers reaching up to play with the soft strands of Hakyeons fringe. Hakyeon flinched slightly at the compliment, eyes averting from Taekwoons content and strong face. ‘I’m not beautiful Taekwoon, I’m not anything’ he whispered softly, tears swimming in his eyes again. Taekwoon tilted his head, eyes analyzing the older as he kept him close, ‘You’re Cha Hakyeon. The leader of Vixx which wouldn’t exist without you. You’re a little brother and an older brother; you’re a beloved son and grandson. You’re a passionate dancer who’s always trying to outdo himself. You’re you and I really like the Cha Hakyeon I know’. Hakyeons head jerked up, eyes wide with surprise at Taekwoons sweet words as he stared at the other. Taekwoons soft smile turned into a frown as he took in the red hand shaped mark across his left cheek. He left his hand drop from Hakyeons hair, cool fingers skimming the swollen skin, ‘Does it hurt?’ Hakyeon shook his head softly, leaning into the cool fingers against his burning skin. ‘I’m use to it’ Hakyeon admitted softly, not daring to meet Taekwoons eyes for fear of the anger they’d hold. Taekwoon shook softly with anger, letting out a hiss as he spoke, ‘If anyone ever touches you like this again I’ll hit them back. No one touches you like this. God, if only Wonshik hadn’t held me back!’ Hakyeon froze in his arm, gazing at him with fear, ‘Did…did everyone…hear…?’ Taekwoon bit the inside of his cheek, gazing at the stressed out boy with sympathy ‘Just me, Wonshik and Jaehwan. The other two were asleep’. Hakyeon smiled bitterly, lowering his head, voice thick with emotion, ‘I guess they can back up their ‘N is a leader’ stories now’.

        Taekwoon growled softly, pulling Hakyeon close, resting a hand on his cheek, forcing him to look into his eyes. Hakyeon gulped slightly as Taekwoons eyes bore into his, gaze soft but still glared slightly. ‘Stop it. We both know that’s not true. That they don’t really think that, Wonshik even admitted that he was just frustrate and upset and took it out on you. We love you, starlights love you. I …love you’ Taekwoon ended with a soft chuckle, leaning forward, nose brushing of Hakyeons. Hakyeon gasped softly, cheeks flaming from the close proximity of the singer, the other breath ghosting his lips in a teasing way. His heart thumped wildly in his chest, all the doubts and worries vanishing from his mind as it filled with only one thing. ‘Taekwoon…’ Hakyeon muttered softly, a small smile on his lips. Taekwoon watched as the leader’s eyes fluttered shut before he leaned forward and Taekwoon was lips were covered by soft ones. Taekwoon didn’t hesitate, he’d spent too long watching Hakyeon to be startled by the courage, instead opting to take control of the kiss and pull Hakyeon closer, keeping them both grounded. Hakyeon pulled back as Taekwoon nipped at his bottom lip softly, muttering a soft, ‘Mine’. Hakyeon smiled, feeling as if a dozen elephants had been lifted from his shoulders as he pressed his forehead against Taekwoons, laughing quietly, ‘Yes Taekwoon, yours’.

        Wonshik rubbed his eyes tiredly as he dragged himself up out of bed. He glanced around, remembering he was in the main room surrounded by the members. Hyuk was buried under blankets while Hongbin was flat on his back snoring softly, Jaehwan was spread out starfish style as he talked to himself and Taekwoon was curled up as if his body was protecting another. Wonshik smiled fondly at his hyung’s and dongsaeng’s as he stretched out his muscles, heading towards the door, not forgetting to kick Jaehwan before exiting the room. He smiled at the sound of Hakyeons voice coming from the small kitchen as he sang along to the radio softly, moving his hips as he did. Wonshik made his way over to his Hyung, wrapping his thick arms around Hakyeons waist and resting his head on the leaders shoulder. Hakyeon chuckled, raising a hand to pretend to chop at Wonshiks head as the younger snuggled into him sleepily. ‘Morning Wonshik’ Hakyeon greeted, hands going back to cooking breakfast, a rare treat. ‘I love you hyung, you’re the best leader ever. I’m sorry for putting you through so much’ Wonshik muttered, squeezing Hakyeons waist affectionately. Hakyeon smiled all the anger and frustration from the night before replaced with a bubbling love and happiness that was different from the one N showed on stage. ‘It’s okay Wonshik-ah; it’s my job as your leader to talk about these things. Everything will be okay, promise’ Hakyeon leant his head on Wonshiks before returning to cooking, chuckling at the clingy rapper.

       Wonshik felt a prickled in the back of his neck, a shiver running down his spine as he glance over his shoulder, arms still around Hakyeon. The sight that greeted him made him gulp and shrink in fear. Taekwoon was approaching slowly; face betraying the sings of his sleepiness as he glared. Wonshik felt as if he was facing his death as Taekwoon glared at him before stopping behind him, eyes darting to the arms around Hakyeon. Wonshik let go quickly as Taekwoon growled softly, backing away from his hyung’s. Taekwoon shot him another glare as his arms replaced Wonshiks around Hakyeons waist. A soft growl leaving his lips as he buried his face in Hakyeons tanned neck, a barely audible ‘Mine’ causing Wonshik to smile at his hyung’s. He watched as Hakyeon melted back into Taekwoons hold, features relaxing as Taekwoon placed a soft kiss on his cheek with a small smile he never gave the rest off them. Wonshik smiled, turning to leave the two alone as he collapsed onto the couch, waiting for the others to wake. He closed his eyes as Hakyeon and Taekwoon muttered to each other softly. They fit perfectly and he couldn’t have been happier for his hyung’s. And he couldn’t help but think that now there would be a different reason behind Hakyeons smile. A better one.

a/n: Apologies if this is horrible but I just couldn't contain my feels for these two anymore. I just love them and think they have amazing chemistry, they bring out the best in each other tbh. Plus I just love Taekwoon and Hakyeon in general. I hope you enjoyed my little thing anyway ^^