Once night falls, it happens again.

Himchan does as he always does. He waits for the leader to fall into restless sleep before digging through his bag, stealing a cigarette, and moving to his perch on the roof. He’s not quite sure when he started doing this, nor is he sure when he’ll stop.

The air is sticky and hot. Leaving the air conditioning behind, Himchan surrenders himself to the humid night. There are no stars to be seen, only lights, twinkling in a city millions strong. Himchan hates those lights; he always has. Leaning against the railing that binds him there, he lights the cigarette and places it between his lips.

Soon, his company arrives.

It’s not as though Daehyun visits the roof to be with Himchan, it’s more like Himchan happens to be there. It’s been like this for a long time, so long that the time just sort of blurs together. Each night, they escape the dorm, leaving behind sleeping friends to breathe in the heavily polluted night air. The putrid air is familiar; it reminds Daehyun of home.

He approaches the older man, keeping his distance but leaning on the same railing. There is no sight of the ocean, only buildings as far as the eye can see. Literally a concrete jungle. He doesn’t ask about the cigarette, as it’s nothing new. He’s not sure if Yongguk knows where his cigarettes disappear to, but that’s not any of his business. Himchan’s a grown man, and knows how to handle himself.

They don’t talk for a long time. The sounds of the city fill their ears, and the sights, ever changing, and ever boring, burn into their retinas. They’ve seen it all. Be it in Korea, or Japan, Singapore, Malaysia... It’s all pretty much the same. Busy cities, filled with busy people, leading busy lives. They’re busy people too, busier than a lot of people, actually.

That’s what brings them here each night. Their busy lives creating busy minds that refuse to shut off. Himchan’s been going the longest; since the beginning, which seems so far in the distance.

“We did it,” Daehyun finally says.

“It” has a thousand meanings, but Himchan nods all the same. It doesn’t matter what “It” is, he knows just the same that they’ve accomplished it. They’ve achieved so much since their debut, and the world is their playground. Letting out a grey colored breath, he replies,

“Yeah, we did.”

Daehyun himself isn’t quite sure what he means by “It” but Himchan doesn’t dwell. He never sticks on insignificant things like that. The noisy silence settles between them again, but neither mind. It’s always like this. They don’t need words, nor do they want them. The silence is heavy with sounds of bustling life, but it fades into a dull buzzing.

This is another kind of “it.” Their own “it”. It’s been theirs all along, in quiet glances across the room and tiny smiles. But it’s only in these moments that their “it” is personified and acted upon.

Himchan places a hand on the railing between them. It’s not an invitation, but Daehyun takes it anyway. Himchan doesn’t mind, letting their sweaty palms touch as he flips his hand around to meet the others. Still they do not talk, and Daehyun prefers it that way. His blemished cheeks are tainted more, now with a reddish hue, all too noticeable in the lit up city.

Himchan doesn’t pester him about it. This is just relieving stress. It’s all it’s ever been, and it’s all it will ever be. His mind is busy with thoughts of the kids sleeping floors below. Junhong was now getting older, and Jongup was finally getting the hang of school (and excelling quite nicely, he might add). They were growing up before their eyes.

Of course, Daehyun was growing too. Himchan had always seen him as a man, however. So, just as always, he’s unnoticed by the shiny eyes he adores so much. And those eyes gaze out ahead of him, unseeing to the things around him. He’s lost in thought, and Daehyun is lost in his grace.

And as soon as it begins, it is over. Their hands, sweaty from contact and humid air fall to their sides. No more words are exchanged, but their shoulders touch as they return to their dorm. Himchan will linger in the hallway for a bit so the smell of smoke doesn’t stick to his clothes and Daehyun will return Youngjae’s side. The sun will rise, and Himchan will wake to an excited Jongup’s prattle. Yongguk will round them all up and their busy lives will begin once more.

But they had this. They have this.

Their eustress.

This is theirs and theirs alone.