An Ode To Awkwardness (Confessional)

Honestly, Jaehyo has never understood why Zico attracts (tons) more girls than him.

Like just look at Jaehyo. And then compare it with Zico’s wide face, big nose – and okay, his eyes can be a good point. And even though that lower lip is too thick, it can work as a charm, too, when coupled with the rest of his features. In fact, that lower lip is the only saving grace in Zico’s pitifully non-handsome face, according to Jaehyo.

Of course he doesn’t find the younger guy ugly (he would never use that word ‘ugly’). But he doesn’t find anything about Zico ‘good-looking’, either.

Zico, on the other hand, doesn’t have the heart to break it to his hyung that ‘Once you start breathing, your handsomeness evaporates in the heat of your dorky blundering awkwardness and – well, just you.’

Suffice to say that the two don’t have the best opinion about each other.

And then Jaehyo has the flare for going for the one girl who will definitely turn him down. Even Zico can tell that, so why can’t Jaehyo? His awkwardness isn’t something Jaehyo can work on because Jaehyo is made up of it. It is what he is. Sadly.

The petite brunette with shiny long hair is cute, no doubt. Not Zico’s type – not with that non-existent and malnourished thighs (Please don’t wear hot pants ever again, Zico wants to tell her). But she is one hundred percent Jaehyo’s type – especially when she smiles and looks up at him shyly through her lashes.

Jaehyo is the type who goes for all those smiles, hair flicks, little pouts and tongue bites, giggles, shrugs, eyes and stuff. Zico didn’t even understand that type of before he began watching Jaehyo pick up girls. He now hates all that girly bull even more. Give him some y booty. Give him luscious curves. Give him a good rack. Give him what really matters, ya know.

Jaehyo has his back to him but Zico can clearly see the girl’s expressions and her smile right now can indicate one of two things – either she is constipated or Jaehyo just rubbed her in a very wrong way. And Zico cannot see where Jaehyo’s left hand is and he thinks that instead of trying to touch the dame, he should be running in the opposite direction as fast as possible.

“Hyung is so going to get shot down again,” Kyung snickers by his side.

Zico smiles wryly. He has watched the same scene play over so many times now that it isn’t even funny anymore. You would call Jaehyo “stupid” for never learning. But Zico knows that Jaehyo isn’t stupid. He is insufferably persistent. No wonder he is good at sports. He probably never gave up practising even when his body must have cried in pain and horror.

Three minutes is precisely how long it takes before the girl stops smiling completely.

Slap.

Zico doesn’t even want to know what kind of idiocy slipped out of those perfect lips to piss her off. Or maybe he tried to feel her up or something. Zico doesn’t want to know that either, thank you very much.

Kyung turns around to face away from the bar, vainly attempting to hide his uncontrollable chortling. Zico gets up to go buy some beer. Jaehyo walks back towards the group – grumpy, offended and annoyed.

“I hate women,” he declares vehemently before glaring at Kyung and plopping down next to him.

Zico tries to ignore the total BRE who undoubtedly wants to jump him – and she is all the right kinds of hot, too. Instead, he resolutely makes his way back to their booth with more alcohol.

Two rounds of beer later, Jaehyo is still fuming. But Zico is pleasantly toasted and –

“Hyung,” Zico puts an arm around Jaehyo’s waist, “chill out.” He pushes his half-empty mug of beer towards Jaehyo and leans in towards the older man’s neck, and exhales slowly through his mouth against his skin.

Jaehyo pushes him away. “How many times do I have to tell to stop doing this weird stuff in public?”

Zico pulls back his head but keeps his hold on Jaehyo’s waist.

“Do you want to dance?” he asks, leaning back and sliding down a little in his seat and trailing his fingers up and down Jaehyo’s side.

Zico doesn’t really expect an answer and Jaehyo ignores him and continues talking to Taeil about whatever he is talking about to Taeil. Zico isn’t really listening.

Well, Zico concedes, Jaehyo has a reason to be so vain about his looks. He is really flawless from every angle. He has this awfully wonderful jaw line and a really good chin. And his complexion is beautifully bright even in the dim lighting here. If only he was nothing more than a still picture or a statue, he would be perfect. But Ahn Jaehyo is alive, made of flesh – he can feel it through the thin material of his shirt – and bones – he can feel some of those bones, too.

Even that much is okay. But he is made up of – what is he made of?

Zico’s eyes wander over his salmon pink shirt – a colour that looks startlingly good on Jaehyo and Zico admits that he would look like a blind pig if he wore it. He can make out Jaehyo’s shoulder blades, the curve of his arms – and his eyes come up again to rest on the collarbone peeking through (the first few buttons of the shirt are undone).

On an impulse Zico leans forward and bites into the pale white skin at the base of Jaehyo’s throat.

Jaehyo yelps, smacks Zico’s head. “What the , Jiho!”

“Let us go,” Zico says calmly, standing up, tugging at Jaehyo’s hand.

Kyung, P.O., Minhyuk and Yukwon stare at him questioningly while Taeil just pretends to ignore him.

“What?” Jaehyo is still confused as he is dragged out unwillingly. It isn’t as if he doesn’t have the strength to resist Zico. But he really doesn’t know if he should. What is going on here?

They emerge out into the cool autumn night – it really was too stuffy in there. Zico takes a deep breath.

“What happened? Jiho?” Jaehyo questions him again, but Zico doesn’t answer him, only pulling him along towards the parking lot.

He can feel Jaehyo’s trepidation but Jaehyo allows himself to be lead wherever Zico is taking him.

They come to a halt near their van.

“We can’t just leave without them,” Jaehyo begins. “Zico!”

“Yeah, I know.”

Zico finally lets go of his wrist and turns to look at him.

“What?” Jaehyo frowns at him. He wants to say something but swallows his words because Zico is looking at him.

Zico is looking at him, looking into his eyes, then looking somewhere near his neck, then looking back at his eyes. And frankly, Jaehyo has no idea what is going on. He is even a little bit scared, like just a tiny bit because Zico has always scared him a little.

“I don’t like you,” Zico growls, low, eyes narrowed. “I don’t like you at all.” He steps closer to Jaehyo. He can feel a strange pounding in his head. His vision is growing blurry but Jaehyo’s face is absolutely lucid.

Jaehyo stiffens, biting his lower lip, the sting he feels on hearing those words reflects clearly in his eyes. “Is this some sort of prank or...”

“I hate you,” Zico cuts in, grabbing Jaehyo’s collar. “Like I think I might just kill you sometimes.”He pushes Jaehyo against the van, his alcohol-stained breath heavy against Jaehyo’s.

And then it just culminates the only way it can. After all, it has been building up for so long. Okay, so neither Jaehyo nor Zico can tell how long it has been building up but it has been. Zico knows Jaehyo has gone through this, too. Slowly but surely. Sometimes in sudden bursts. Painfully, persistently even if they tried to ignore it. Tried to ignore it hard. Really hard. So hard that it hurt. It hurts.

Zico is kissing Jaehyo and Jaehyo is kissing him back. A hurried, passionate open-mouthed kiss. They have waited so long, it feels like they can’t kiss enough.

Zico’s hold on Jaehyo’s shirt relaxes.

He braces himself against the vehicle, his knees feel weak. Much too weak.

Jaehyo has a really perfect nose. Perfect eyelashes. y eyes, y nose, y mouth, don’t you know.

Zico kisses his cheek – the skin is smooth and livid under his lips. Jaehyo’s eyes are still tightly shut and he is breathing hard. This is where Zico wants him. This is how Zico wants him.

The throbbing in his