This is probably terrible and hard to follow but please bear with me TT_TT

There's a constant jump between past and present....yeah, I hope you get it u.u

*I really don't know where this came from, it was supposed to be fluffy Onew/Ren..and ended up like this*

~the first is always bout Ren, the second is always about Tao~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Onew sincerely can't remember what he did with his life before meeting Ren. The younger boy seemed to take over his whole existence from the moment they met.

His life was literally divided between before and after Ren.

"Oh, sorry, didn't see you there"

The first words said by Ren would be forever imprinted in his memory. He shall never forget that they met by a weird choice of the universe. They weren't meant to meet.

"Don't say that Onew, we are totally meant to be together!"

After a few months, he really started believing so.

---

"So...our first year anniversary is coming soon."

Onew knows it. He knows exactly what this specific date meant and yet he didn't know how to react. He just hugged Tao tightly.

"I know"

And no more words need to be said because the memories are killing them and there's nothing they can do to stop it.

---

There were some important moments in his early relationship with Ren and he remembered all of them. He remembered every face Ren made. He remembered every clumsy answer he gave.

"You seem interesting" (...I don't really think so)

"Let's be friends!" (...Sure, I guess)

"You're really handsome" (...me?)

"We should go out some day" (...Rennie, we're already out)

"Don't get scared but...I think I like you" (...what?)

That's when he started to wonder if he liked Ren. The quick answer was yes, he did like the little ray of sunshine. But he wouldn't admit it.

"I'm not asking you to be my boyfriend but...yeah, would you if I hypothetically asked?"  (...I don't think so...)

How stupid he was to deny it.

"Of course I would like to go with you!"  (...really?)

"...did you just say you like me?"   (Yes, I like you, and I hypothetically do want to be your boyfriend, what do you say?)

"I...Yes!"

How smart was him to say it at the end.

"I'm so happy to be with you, Onew"

How happy he was with Ren.

---

There were some important moments in his relationship with Tao, but he couldn’t really remember them.

He does remember the boy crying in his arms. He does remember how they were gradually abandoned by their friends. He does remember that Tao had always been perfect for him. He does remember that Tao is not Ren.

---

"Minseok, this is Onew, my boyfriend. Onew, this is Minseok, my best friend. You both are the same age and study practically the same thing so I really don't understand why you haven't met before"

If someone had told him right there that Minseok was his lost twin he would have believed it. No, they don't look exactly alike, but…yeah, there’s a big resemblance.

That’s why he was afraid of Minseok at the beginning.

"This is because of Minseok, right? Onew you have nothing to be scared of, we're just best friends."

He was very afraid.

"Just so you now, we did try to be a couple once. It was a total failure! He's too...how to say it...childish for me. I need someone mature, like you"

Still afraid.

"I like you and not him, Onew."

---

"Are you...jealous?"

Onew really had no idea if he was jealous, but the prospect of Tao going to another's guy apartment didn't sound very inviting. Also, Sungmin looks a lot like him. That sounds familiar.

"He's just a friend, Onew"

He has no idea why, but he lets Tao go without more protests.

---

"Glee is terrible most of the time but I still watch it, is it normal?"

Onew was still surprised at the fact that one of Ren's weekly rituals was watching the worst show in the world but he didn't complain.

"I really don't know"

"I guess I just hope they'll let Tina sing someday"

The smile Ren gave him at that moment was so sweet that Onew just couldn’t stop himself from kissing the smiling lips.

"Wow, I had no idea that talking about Tina would get me a kiss! I'll make sure to do it more often!"

The day Tina finally sang will forever be remembered like the one in which Ren gave him the best kiss.

---

"I absolutely hate this show. They spoiled the whole song!"

Tao and his constant nagging about Glee kept Onew busy most of the weekends. They just sat together and watched the show they totally despise.

"Should we turn it off?"

"Nah, I still trust they'll make Tina sing again someday, she's awesome"

He couldn't stop himself from looking at the younger and kiss his forehead lightly.

"Then stop complain about the show"

"I will never stop complaining!"

The panda boy gave Onew a smile and they both fell in complete silence again. They just see the show as an excuse to be a little closer.

---

"I really can't believe you're afraid of Minseok stealing me away. Seriously"

The fear seemed reasonable, he had just met Ren for a few months and Minseok had known him since...forever.

"He is in a relationship"

That didn't mean anything.

"He's been in a relationship with Tao for five years already; you really have nothing to care about"

He did lower his defenses once he found out about Tao.

---

"Today would be my seventh year anniversary with Minseok"

He remembers when Tao said that. The tears that followed.

That statement alone explained why Tao had been acting different.

Minseok was still a shadow haunting them.

---

“Well Onew….you do seem nice enough to be Rennie’s boyfriend. To say the truth I wasn’t really excited about him getting a boyfriend but I see you really care about him. Just don’t hurt him, ok? Or I’ll get Tao to go all kung fu panda on you”

Knowing that he had Minseok’s approval to be Ren’s boyfriend, he felt at peace.

“You know, we four should go on a double date some day, or watch a glee marathon or something -I know it’s a terrible show but I love to watch it with my boyfriend and nag about it together- I bet Taozi will be thrilled to meet you”

The double date was a total success. Everything was pretty much perfect.

---

“You can’t be with Tao, you just can’t”

Nobody approved his relationship with Tao. Even if they knew they were perfect for each other.

“You’ll both end up hurt, don’t do this to yourselves”

But they are perfect for each other.  Perfect.

---

Ren was unique and perfect. Onew loves him with all his heart.

---

When Onew met Tao, he realized that he was an almost exact copy of Ren.

He still loves Ren the most.

---

At some point he realized that Ren liked to link hands when they walked together. He liked it too, but never initiated it…luckily, Ren always did.

---

He never linked hands with Tao.

“Minseok would always hug me from behind and take both my hands. He would lift my right arm and pull it over his shoulder while keeping our left hands on my waist. “

But Onew wasn’t one to start skinship, so he never did.

---

Holding Ren was one of his favorite things. He loved how the other fitted so perfectly in his arms. How his hair would tickle his chin.

Onew loved every single part of Ren’s body, and he often made it clear. He would kiss every part of it. He would touch him all the time.

Knowing that Ren was only his made him happy.

---

Holding Tao was, sometimes, awkward. Tao doesn’t really fit in his arms. His shoulders are too wide, his arms too muscular. His hair is too short and not the right color.

But Tao is his now, and has to take care of him.

---

He felt like he had to ask. He needed it. So he did.

“Well….Minseok is shorter than you, his face is rounder, his smile isn’t as big as yours and his hands aren’t as delicate. He’s stronger but I don’t really like it. He’s too touchy, I don’t like it. I like it the best when I get to hug you, because you seem all flustered about it. Minseok likes to hug and I do too, so it’s awkward. You’re far more mature and I love it. His eyes are bigger, but I like the way yours disappear when you smile. I don’t like Minseok, it doesn’t feel right. But you feel perfect, Onew”

---

The night of the breakdown, he asks Tao. They both need it.

“Minseok….he hugged me all the time. I love being hugged but… don’t know how to hug. You don’t know how to hug either so it’s awkward. He was always really touchy with me and I liked it because no one…no one was ever that way with me. His eyes were beautiful and big, and his smile always brightened my day….he….he was really strong and would always help me train. His hair was perfect. Perfect. He would smile at the silliest things and be…be…very childish at times. He was perfect for me.”

---

Onew loved some really specific things about Ren.  He finds out that has Tao lots of those things too.

Ren would always be smiling.  (Tao always smiles too)

He had the cutest eyes and lips ever.  (And Tao’s were identical)

The innocence never left him.  (And it didn’t abandon Tao either)

He had the greatest mood changes at random times and places.  (He is used to Tao’s mood swings by now)

Ren was a little child most of the time.  (So did Tao)

When needed, he turned into a diva, to get what he wants.  (And Tao has an amazing diva attitude)

He wonders why Ren seems more perfect anyway.

---

On one of their many double dates, he discovers just how many things he has in common with Minseok, from Tao’s mouth.

“Well….you both look adorable and have really cute smiles. Ren told me you sing well so that’s another thing, because Minseok has the cutest voice ever, I swear. Look at your clothes and then look at mine or Ren’s, you both are a whole lot manlier than us for sure. You both were really kind with those kids playing around us; I wanted to kick them out or something. You both have fingers a little chubby compared to me and Ren….in fact you both are just…rounder than us, if that’s the right way to say it. One thing trough…Minseokkie is more perfect than you can even aspire to be, Onew”

---

When he received the call telling him that Ren was in a car accident, he couldn’t believe it. He literally ran all the way to the hospital. 

“Take care of Tao, ok?”

The last words Ren said to him were imprinted in his memory. He held Ren in his arms as he lost consciousness and never woke up again.

---

“Don’t you dare to get even close to our son, you monster! Look at what you did to him! If you hadn’t seduced him into the sinner life he would still be alive!”

Minseok’s parents never approved of his relationship with Tao. They disappeared from their son’s life as soon as he started dating the younger.

---

Unlike Ren, Minseok passed away instantly at the accident, and his parents appeared from nowhere. They didn’t allow Tao to see Minseok’s body or be present at his funeral.

Onew could still remember the way Tao screamed. The way he called for Minseok. The way he cried.

Minseok was everything in Tao’s life since he was 17.

Taozi was breaking apart.

 So Onew did what Ren told him to, he took care of Tao.

---

The first time he kissed Ren, Onew was on cloud nine. He couldn’t be happier.

---

The first time he kissed Tao, Onew was confused, sad, angry. He had no idea of why they were doing it. They were past the point of caring.

They slept together the day after Ren’s funeral. Nothing mattered then.

At that moment, Tao was Ren and Onew was Minseok.

---

They decided to move in together a few weeks after the accident.

It wasn’t that they were over it. Not at all.

They just couldn’t let it go.

“Minseok would hug me at night”

“Ren would cook for me”

“I liked it when Minseok played with my hair”

“I liked that Ren kissed me before falling asleep”

The differences were big but they did have reasons to stay together. They were perfect for each other.

Tao was too much like Ren and Onew was too much like Minseok.

It was breaking them...and keeping them alive.

---

Some things were left unsaid but where always present.

 “I hate that you are not Ren”

“I wish you were Minseok”

---

Onew would sing for Tao, like Minseok used to.

Tao would act like a little kid and make Onew smile.

It was perfect.

Tao was all that Onew could ask for. That’s what he wanted to believe.

---

The night of the breakdown, they kissed.

That’s when realization hit them.

“We can’t do this anymore”

Tears were running from their eyes and they kept kissing, because they couldn’t let go again.

“You’re so much like Rennie, so much…..you have the same eyes, the same lips. I can’t do this, Tao, I can’t”

“I…Minseok was my first and only…..he’s the only one for me and… and you are so much…so...so much like him, so much”

They kissed again and the illusion broke down.

Onew isn’t Minseok, he can’t make Tao happy.

Tao isn’t Ren, he can’t make Onew happy.

---

They didn’t hate each other, they never did.

But they couldn’t keep on being together in a fantasy.

A cheap copy of the happiness they once lived in.

---

It took them about two years to talk again.

And when they finally did, there wasn’t a lot to talk about.

“I don’t know why that happened”

“I don’t know either. How long? It was almost a year, right?”

“We stopped seeing each other exactly one year after they….”

“Yes…”

 “Thank you for staying me during that year. It was wrong but…”

“It felt right, I know. Thank you for staying with me”

“It was never a problem”

“You are…perfect”

“You are exactly like him.”

“But we aren’t perfect for each other”

“He was perfect for me and he was perfect for you”

“No matter how much we are like them…”

“Perfection is gone”

“It’s gone with them”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So...that's it.

I really, really don't know where it came from.

But I really like the Onew/Ren dinamic.

And some day, I will write Tao and Minseok's story.

....Yeah, that's it.