I don't exactly know when – I don't even care – but men will come and take me away. Away from home, from my brother who means everything to me, from my supposed-to-be-love Myungsoo, from Su Ji and from the thing that was once my life.

Why? I threw my sanity away, now it's lying somewhere in the rubbish. I threw it away because of the one I love, or maybe it threw itself away because of me.

Because, you see, all you need for a relationship is love. Who needs sanity?

While they come, I have decided to write the story that drove me to this.

But thing is, it's hard. It's just plain hard to write the beginning. I don't know how to start a thing that doesn't even have an end.

The possibly best way to begin with is the most important point. This is the most elementary thing in the whole story.

Su Ji doesn't exist.

Who Su Ji is, is the wrong question, because she doesn't exist. How can you describe a non-existent person? You can't. It's impossible.

But, well, I believed, no, knew that she was here. That she lived, breathed, talked, laughed, loved, just like anybody else in this world.

Who knows, maybe a Su Ji does exist.

But the Su Ji I talk about doesn't.

Well, the Su Ji I belived that she existed was a girl who had simple, yet pretty charms, a nice mezzosoprano voice, and beautiful black eyes you could probably look at forever. She lived in the countryside, just like me, and she was undeniably pretty.

When I now think about it, then I just generated a generic person. It was my own imagination who set her up, after all. Maybe I'm probably just a person with a high fantasy, who knows. But the line between a dreamer and an insane person is wide, yet easy to cross.

When I told Sungjong the story – that was before he called the doctors (I can't blame him, though) – he asked my why Myungsoo did even do this. You see, Sungjong and I are cousins, but are close and tall enough to be considered as brothers, sometimes even twins. I knew the answer, but kept shut.

The answer is way too simple.

So Myungsoo knew that I trusted him, and that I was loyal (maybe too loyal). So when he would just break up, just say, "It's over", he would've not stand the next boyfriend I'd get after the sadness. So, he had to make sure that he was the last one. Since I'm neither an obsessive guy, nor the chaser that would hunt his love down forever, he also had make sure that I would change to something extreme, so that I'll never ever love anybody again.

And how do you break a heart properly? Missing right at the time when the other needs you the most. Bonus if you act so well that the other believes that you'd never loved him.

Myungsoo's a hell of a guy. Maybe he's insane.

But the one who got caught being insane is me.

And besides, loving such a guy is already insanity.

Myungsoo's a rose. A beautiful, white rose with thorns so deep that it's stained with blood. God knows how many guys – or girls – he had already made insane.

But my blood, my blood is the freshest.

My grip at the rose was too tight, and at the time when I had become a thorn in his side, he abandoned me in a way I would never be really able to live properly again.

I guess the way how we met, fell in love and stuff is already something everybody could figure themselves out. Even Sungjong figured it himself out – I told him nothing about the sentimental things. I'm not the romantic type – I never was – so I didn’t give a thing about our so-called romantic relationship, with all the butterflies in the stomach and the feelings and the nice things we did-

My .

It started with the day when he started talking about Su Ji. Of course, at that time, I thought she was an acquaintance from him. (Doesn't change the fact that I believed that she existed.) But since I knew most of his friends – because those were also befriended with me – I asked who she was.

It started on the day when he answered: "You know her too, remember?"

No, I didn't remember.

But yes, I was willing to act like I remembered.

"I don't. Otherwise I wouldn't ask," I protested.

"Seems like you suffer from amnesia," he answered. "So I'll tell you who she is. Then you'll remember."

(I never did.)

He started telling casual, usual things – shopping sprees, cinema, amusement parks, things like that.

Things that we did with her.      

"She liked you. Like, a lot. But she never told you this."

"You talk like she's dead."

Oh, probably I should explain Myungsoo's voice. He has a baritone that goes to tenor when he sings. His voice is dark enough to be seducing, but it had its own color also.

His voice sounded like one of those voice actors.

Paired with those eyes of his, it made him to someone who could hypnotize faster than the other realized.

Maybe, all he had was his appearance. His personality was built on it. Take the appearance away and all you have is a conceited, inconsiderate prick.

(Scratch that – all he has is his appearance. Not maybe.

And yes, I started to believe that she existed. What I didn't believe, however, was that she made those things with me.)

"She isn't."

"Then why do you talk about her in past tense?"

"I would love to meet her."

"You still talk like you have never met her."

"I don't!"

"You do."

You know, that was Myungsoo's genius strike. After that, everything happened. Really happened.

It marked the end of my sanity.

"You do. Believe me."

"Yah! I didn't! I'm crazy, but not insane, okay?" (At least not yet.)

"Okay. Fine. Whatever." He lifted his hands. "Look at your phone and search for Su Ji. If she's there, then you obviously suffer from amnesia, or worse, that's all I can say. If you're right and if she's not, then I imagine things."

"Fine!" I took my phone and scrolled down the contacts list.

And she was there.

My jaw went open, same with my eyes. I just couldn't believe what I saw.

Su Ji.

"Wha-" was all I could say. After a couple of minutes, I finally managed to say something that sounded like Lee Sungyeol.

"Wait, wait, wait, this can't be and you know this. How can I have the number of someone I've never met?"

"You've met her, I mean it. I'm your boyfriend, after all. I should know."

"Nah. You just added that contact and didn't even give a phone number, so that I just think that-"

I said this while I looked at the contact information.

There was a number.

"You just made that up."

"Then call her."

I didn't even hesitate.

"Hello?"

That was when my phone dropped. Unfortunately, it was a rather new phone, so a part of the screen cracked.

You haven't figured it out?

One girl worked for him. He had an accomplice. (Which isn't really surprising.) And that girl was the voice I heard. That girl was the one with that number.

Who knows, maybe it's just a random number with – what a surprise! – a girl behind it. But I guess that she is his accomplice.

And if he has such a thing like accomplices, this means that I have to know her.

It's just a hunch I have – this hunch is a very strong one, though – but I think that girl behind that voice was Soojung. A cold, but really competitive girl who happens to be in love with Myungsoo. God knows whether he made her crack just like he did to me, but what I know is this: She did just as he said.

There wasn't much afterwards.

So I started imagining her – like, really imagining her. That she was at my side (not always, though.) I guess the best way to describe this is saying Fight Club. Tyler Durden wasn't real, but Edward Norton thought that he was, and didn't know that he was insane. And Durden went to trips, too. So Edward Norton didn't see him always.

But often enough to think that he's real.

Su Ji was a nice girl.

Shortly after I've met her (or when my mind set her up), I told Sungjong about it.

And Sungjong knew what to do.

"So Myungsoo made believe you that she exists."

"Eh – what? She exists, Sungjong!" I protested.

Sungjong rolled his eyes. "Whatever. So he … proofed you that you do know her."

"Ah? Ah, yeah. But we met afterwards."

"That's nice to hear." Sungjong smiled, but his eyes showed no emotion. "I'd love to meet her."

"Okay then. I'd arrange one day with her."

"Good."

So, of course, I asked Su Ji, and she said with a smile (I loved, I admit) that she would love to meet Sungjong.

It's funny though, when I now look at it.

Because when I was really insane, I just liked Su Ji and her smile that beamed more than a thousand stars. It looked so pretty and fine and everything seemed so alright.

The last time I've met Myungsoo was when he played his last ace from his hand.

"How have you been?" he asked me.

"I'm fine. What about you?"

"Slightly angry and slightly amused."

"Why?"

"Because of you."

I tilted my head. "What?"

Myungsoo started chuckling – a chuckle I really didn't like. A dark, deep chuckle.

"I am slightly angry because that's just my boyfriend me, I guess, and I am slightly amused because you are so stupid. In fact, I am really extremely amused."

"Stop talking in riddles, Myungsoo! Tell me what happened!"

"You happened. You are insane, haven't you figured it out?"

"What?" I snapped. "I'm not insane!"

"Do you know that everyone who is insane says that they aren't?"

"Yah! Stop talking in riddles and say why I am insane."

"Su Ji doesn't exist." He started laughing.

"What?"

I started remembering – remembering the times where I had told him that I didn't know a Su Ji, that he was crazy. And slowly, I realized that all those "good times" with her were things I did alone.

Well, to be ironic: Solitude had never been sweeter.

My jaw went open.

"I called the doctors. They'll come."

"But…but…"

"And yes, I've never loved you. You are just so stupid, do you really think that a girl, heck even a boy would like you?" Myungsoo laughed again. "How stupid you are."

There was something in my soul that got ripped. I think it was my heart. Or my soul. Or probably both, I don't know. Probably it was my heart, along with my soul and everything related with emotions.

And additionally, my mind.

Ah, guess this is what they call living corpse.