High expectations can lead to great disappointment. Forgive me ;A; And sorry for story e shot /shot dead

Choosing between restart and refresh. I don't want to fail.

Youngwoon stared out off the window, enjoying the soft breeze that he had missed during his stay in the hospital. Letting out a contented sigh, he slipped back to his seat and wind up the window. Finally, he was freed from the horrendously boring hospital. He was relieved to know that he was fine, however, the fact that he had lost some of his memories disturbed him greatly. It felt as though that he had forgotten something very important although the members kept stressing that it was nothing too serious. He didn't ask further. He knew that it was not a recent memory since he still remembered the fact that their leader had been enlisted.

"Welcome back, hyung." Youngwoon said softly as he engulfed Jungsoo in tight hug. Jungsoo had finished serving the military and was finally back with the group. Hearing what Youngwoon said made him happy yet at the same time, confused. Why did Youngwoon call him 'hyung' instead of 'Teukie' or the embarrassing 'baby' nickname? His gaze lingered on Youngwoon for a few seconds until Ryeowook proceeded to hug him.

The confusion on their leader's face made it obvious that he had noticed that something was wrong with Youngwoon. They all knew that they had to inform Jungsoo about Youngwoon's condition soon. Although they were really afraid to find out how Jungsoo would receive the news.

Jungsoo definitely did not receive the news too well.

Jungsoo tried to smile. He really tried. Seeing Youngwoon interacting so much with the girls too made everything harder. In the past, Youngwoon would make sure he stay by Jungsoo's side all the time. They were at a restaurant celebrating Jungsoo's return with other SMent artists who could make it and the Super Junior members. Jungsoo resisted the urge to get up my his chair and run over to separate Youngwoon from the members of SNSD and f(x). Instead, he just mustered a big smile to those that came and welcome him back. When he was chatting with the artists, talking about what he missed over the two years, he often caught himself gazing towards Youngwoon's direction, That did not go unnoticed by most of the members who could see how their leader missed his Youngwoon, the one that still had the memories of the time they turned official.

Jungsoo was queeit throughtout the car ride back to their dorm as all the members updated him about important things that had happened over the two years, at the same time expressing how much they had missed him. And Hyukjae jokingly made a comment about him not wanting to give up the leader position. He knew something was off. But what? He was sure he would find out soon.

Sure enough, the moment they reached their dorm, Heechul and Donghae immediately dragged him into his own room. Most of the other members were there, except Donghee who was in charged to be the distraction. He stared at the others expectantly, waiting for someone to speak up. Heechul eventually did, after taking in a deep breath. "Jungsoo yah, Youngwoon doesn't remember anymore. He doesn't remember your relationship with him anymore."

"W-what do you mean?"

"I guess it was about a year after you enlisted when Youngwoon got into a car accident, he just couldn't remember a certain part of his memory afterwards, which is the fact that you guys were together." Jungsoo looked at the members' faces and knew that this wasn't a prank. It was real. And he didn't miss the way Heechul used 'were' instead of 'are'. Suddenly, everything around him seemed to feel heavier and breathing seemed to be harder. He could feel how his nose was starting to burn slightly.

"I don't understand... Why is it that he just want remember us?"

"Jungsoo hyung, the doctor said that it might be due to the accident which caused Youngwoon hyung to push aside that part of the memory. But for what reason, we don't know and also don't know when he will recall those memories." Ryeowook decided to answer that question instead.

"So what you mean is that he don't want to remember those memories anymore?"

"No, hyung. You have to understand that it is a psychological thing. It's like he has specially kept those memories hidden. The doctor also said that he may or may not remember them." It was Hyukjae who spoke up this time round and everyone heard how his voice got softer as he spoke.

Jungsoo was staring at the floor instead of looking at the members. It was a habit of his whenever he tries to hide his emotions or something from others. When Sungmin made a move to approach his leader and comfort him, Heechul stopped him and instead motioned for all the members to leave the room. Times like that, it was always better to let Jungsoo calm down and think through on his own. They didn't wish to ruin his comeback like this, but it was unavoidable.

How things would go in the future is up to Jungsoo now. Because after all, it was a matter between him and Youngwoon. The other members should not interfere.

The KangTeuk couple was formed a few years after they debut, after Youngwoon finally gathered enough courage to ask Jungsoo out. It was scary for the both of them to like each other since Korea was not a particularly open country. Gay couples were not accepted by many. 

They were really relieved when the other members accepted them. It then became a secret that only Super Junior knows.

Jungsoo continued staring at the oblivious Youngwoon, feeling a part of him slowly breaking apart. It hurt to see his lover so close yet it felt as though they were miles apart. Is it possible for me to make you remember? What if I fail?

He excused himself afterwards to go to the restroom and stayed in there for more than fifteen minutes which caused the artists to start asking if he was feeling unwell. He tried to convince everyone that he was fine but still end up having to return to the dorm and end the celebration earlier.

On the way home, the members were all looking at him with those worrying eyes, Youngwoon included. That warmed his heart a little.

That night, before Heechul return to his bedroom, he made it a point to talk to the leader first about how he had avoided Youngwoon the whole time after they came back from the restaurant.

"Jungsoo yah, you know you can't avoid Youngwoon forever."

"I know, but I'm afraid that I will just tell him everything. I can't afford to ruin anything just in case he will never remember." Jungsoo bit on his lips and looked away.

"You know you can't keep running away from this. I can tell that Youngwoon is already suspecting something. You—"

"Heechul, just stop. I will handle this on my own."

"Why do you always like to handle things on your own? Can't you see all of us are worried for you?" Heechul ended up raising his voice slightly in irritation.

"I will figure something out..."

"Just don't think too hard. This is just like when you computer hangs when you are surfing the net, you have two options: To restart the computer or simply try to be patient and click refresh. I hope you will choose wisely." With a soft pat on the leader's shoulder and a defeated sigh, Heechul retreated to his room.

Later that night when everyone had already fallen asleep, Youngwoon came out of his room to get a cup of water when he heard soft sniffles coming from the closed door of the leader's room. Curious, he gingerly opened the door and peeked in, not expecting to see a sobbing Jungsoo sitting on the bed while hugging his legs.

"Jungsoo, are you okay?" Youngwoon asked when he entered the room. He stood awkwardly at the end of the bed, looking down at Jungsoo who was still sobbing before deciding to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I-i..." Jungsoo murmured got cut off as another sob escaped his lips. He still had his head buried in his arms, too afraid to look up. Knowing that he was not good with words, Youngwoon scooted closer to Jungsoo and sat in front of him on his bed. Feeling the shift of weight on the bed, Jungsoo lifted his head slighty and saw Youngwoon sitting in front of him looking troubled. Tears were still streaming down so Jungsoo tried his best to wipe them till they stop pouring out.

​Youngwoon was not expecting it. The moment he saw Jungsoo's crying face, he froze. Images of Jungsoo crying with him hugging Jungsoo, images of him giving a crying Jungsoo short pecks on his forehead and also images of him kissing a crying Jungsoo fully on the lips. The images kept flashing. Youngwoon never felt so confused in his life. What did he just see? He did not remember any of that happening.

"Youngwoon?" Jungsoo called hesitantly (after he calmed down) upon seeing Youngwoon hold his head with his eyes shut tightly as though he was experiencing severe headache.

"What were we in the past?" 

"What do you mean?"

"We...Were we together in the past?" Youngwoon stared at Jungsoo intensively, noticing how confusion flashed across Jungsoo's face before his eyes widened in shock. He knew Jungsoo had the answer to his question. He wanted the answer. What was those images he saw earlier? Was that what the members never told him?

The slight pause in Youngwoon's question made it clear to him that he did not completely remember them. He was tempted to just tell Youngwoon everything about them, but can Youngwoon handle the truth? Will he believe him? He contemplated to make a lie and denied everything instead of risking.

Restart or refresh?

I'm scared.

"We were—are."

Silence reign the room. Jungsoo was looking down again, too scared to see Youngwoon's reaction.

"But I don't remember..."

Jungsoo snorted and sobs followed. Of course you don't. Did you really regard our relationship as something too meaningless to remember?

"Jungsoo, I—I'm sorry but I need more time. Please don't cry." Jungsoo gasped when Youngwoon cupped his face, his cheeks with his thumbs.

"Please don't cry anymore." It was unexplainable about the pain Youngwoon felt when he saw Jungsoo cry. He just want to wipe all his tears away.

"Don't cry anymore, Teukie. Everything will be fine."

At that moment, Jungsoo felt as though he was no longer in control of his own body as he leaned forward and pressed his lips frimly on Youngwoon's.

Time seemed to have stopped.

Jungsoo was about to move away since Youngwoon was not responding when Youngwoon started moving his lips. Not caring about any consequence, Jungsoo wrapped his arms around Youngwoon's neck and kissed him passionately, pouring all his emotions into the kiss. Love, relief and jealousy from earlier. Something at the back of his mind told him that he would regret it later because Youngwoon would. But that can wait, he told himself.

It was an innocent kiss. Just the moving of lips, no tongue involved.

They soon pulled away due to the lack of air, Jungsoo looking at everything but Youngwoon. He was afraid to see regret on his lover's face, too scared to be rejected because he didn't love him.

"Jungsoo..." No don't say it.

"...My brain may not remember but my heart do. Let's try to work things out, okay?"

Upon hearing that, Jungsoo's eyes finally met Youngwoon's. Youngwoon's face did not show any regret or confusion. There was a smile timid smile on his lover's face. And slowly, Jungsoo smiled back. It was not one of the fake smiles during the party, it was a genuine smile.

Their smiles grew wider when Youngwoon intertwined their fingers together.

Refresh.

I know this story is illogical and dumb... I'm sorry for making you wait so long for this :c Thanks so much for the comments even though I don't deserve them ♡