she smiles infront of me.

it lights up my life. it completes me,

but i cant say that i love her. i'm a hybrid and she's human.

if she kisses me she'll die. if i kiss her, i die.

it hurts to see life this way.

i think i'm in love, i probably am but because of what i am i cant love her.

"hi ken!" she greets me i smile at her.

"how are you?" i ask trying to break the silence

"good. how about you?"

broken. hurt.

"i'm great." i simply reply.

"that's great." she replies.

"yeah.." i tell her.

"i gotta go now. see you, ken." she tells me and leaves.

i sigh.

when will all this pain and hurt end?

i watched her leave.

i smiled. i was glad to see her happy, since that was the only thing that brings happiness to my sad and gloomy life.

she's the only one who knows i'm a hybrid, and she's the only one i trust.

nobody really likes her though, but i like her for who she is, how she looks like, everything.

she never asked me why my heart is not beating, or how i still manage to live like this.

i only told her once and that's it. she never brought the topic back up or anything. that's something i like about her.

i feel that in all those years i've been living, she's the only one left with a personality like the people i used to know before. the personality of someone who doesn't share other's secrets to gain popularity, or someone who freaks out over small things.

i'm glad she's still here, because with out her, the time i'm using right now would be probably wasted.

i sighed.

i stood there for a while thinking, why cant i be normal again?

why can't i breathe like a normal person again?

why cant my heart start beating again?

why can't my life be normal like it was before?

i kicked the nearest object infront of me.

if i was normal like before, i could have told her what i felt.

that i love her, and that i wanted to be with her.

i want to feel her kiss, but i just can't.

my brothers turned their back on me when they found out i liked somebody.

my brothers who i trusted before; ravi, leo, n, hongbin, hyuk, all turned their backs on me

eversince our brotherhood has been destroyed.

they haven't talked to me. 

they didnt accept my apology.

and i dont blame them or anyone.

it hurts because they can't accept the fact that i like her, but even if they did turn their backs on me, i won't on them.

and eversince, we made a deal. until i stoped liking her, that's when our broken brotherhood shall be bonded once more.

but i cant. it's painful.

------

a day passed and the two of us (ken and you) have been bonding with each other.

i still feel bad about the whole 'can't love her' thing, but that's how it is.

i cant change who i am, and i can't stop loving her either.

she was telling me things about how her day has been and things, and i simply listen.

i smile at how happy she is, and like i said, if she's happy, i'm at my happiest.

"i got an idea." she said.

"let me hear it then." i replied.

"how about we share some of our secrets, well besides you being a... you know." she said

"i'll go with that." i replied.

"i go first then."

minutes passed as the two of us told each other our secrets. most of the secrets were her's though.

"your turn." she said.

i thought for a while.

"what other secrets do you want to hear?" i asked her.

"anything. we trust each other, right? and besides. i don't freak out over small things." she said

i smiled.

"alright."

i thought for a while. i've told her everything already, since then until now.

except something.

"here it goes, then" i tell her.

"okay" she replies.

"you won't freak out?" i reassured.

"i promise i wont." she said

"okay.. i..."

i choked at my words for a while.

"i like you." i said.

"you... do?" she asked me.

"yeah i do.. are you freaked out or.." 

"no, i'm not because, i like you too, ken." she replied.

i smile at her. i was happy to hear that.

"but even if we like each other, we cant be together." i said.

"why not?" she asks.

 i look at her.

"oh. i understand." she replies.

awkward atmosphere surrounded us for a while.

"um ken?" she called out.

"yes?" i reply.

"did you notice that..."

"that?"

"the sky suddenly turned gloomier?" she asked.

gloomy skies?

"and the wind started blowing harder?"

blowing winds, gloomy skies

no. it cant be.

thunder and lightning started spreading thoughout the skies, and the ground started shaking.

i held her in my arms to protect her from whatever might happen.

i didn't know what was happening, but i had an idea.

it was them.

i saw five figures standing infront of me.

"wh..what are you doing here?" i ask startling keeping her behind me.

"the deal?" ravi told me.

"it seems you chose her over us." n stated.

"what's more important to you, ken? true love, or us, who has always been in your side?" hong bin asked.

"you weren't always by my side. you turned your back on me." i replied.

"it's because you chose her instead of us."

"i didn't choose her over you guys. i just fell in love. i never turned my back on you. until now i still think and care for you, like we did before." i replied.

"that doesn't matter, it's the past, ken. you care for us but we don't with you. that must hurt, aren't i right?" hyuk asked.

"it does.but like you said. it's the past. you have to forget about some memories from that time." i simply replied.

"then if that's the case, i'm simply letting you choose. us, or her? if you choose us, we'll bring back our friendship from the past, and she'll die. if you choose her, then you die." leo told me.

I kept silent. 

i loved both my brothers and her.

"go on with them, it's okay with me." she said with tears forming in her eyes.

"I cant do this. i can't let you die." i told her

"but it's my fault that all this-"

right there i pulled her into a kiss.

i can't let her die, even though i knew i was the one who was going to die.

i pulled back. i was losing my breath. i slowly fell back.

my breathing started decreasing.

"i... love.. you." i said, in her arms.

i wanted her to know how much my love for her was.

"goodbye.." i whispered.