Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now

Our song on the radio, but it don't sound the same

Bang Yongguk is awakened. His breathe is uncontrollable. His t-shirt is soaked by his sweats. Like the previous nights, he doesn’t feel better. He looks at the empty side beside him. He grabs on it. But, he doesn’t find anything—anyone. He crinkles it. He sighs. He has been feeling this empty since that day, when he had broken up with his bestfriend—boyfriend, Kim Himchan.

“Himchan-ah...”, he sighed at the empty side of bed.

Bang Yongguk turns on his iPod. Scrolling down the screen and touches at ‘their’ favorite song. Slowly, the intro of the song starts. He closes his eyes, humming at the rhythm. Teardrops are rolling down on his cheeks. He wipes it out nonchalantly. He doesn’t want to admit that he really misses Himchan, but his heart does.

When our friends talk about you all that it does is just tear me down

Cause my heart breaks a little when I hear your name

And it all just sound like uh, uh, uh

“Hyung!”, Junhong greets him when he just entered the dance practice room. He just smiles at maknae. Maknae who doesn’t know anything just shrugs his shoulders and then walks away without asking any questions. And then Yoo Youngjae approaches him. Together with his bestfriend, Jung Daehyun.

“Hyung, where is Himchan hyung? Why don’t you go together with him? I’ve not seen him lately.”, Yongjae asks bluntly with his innocent yet beautiful face.

Yongguk just smiles at him. He doesn’t know anything but smile. He can feels his heart broken into pieces. He mentally clutches his heart. It’s so hurt. I can’t contain all of these feelings. “I don’t know either, Youngjae-ah.”, Bang Yongguk replies heavily.

Hmmm too young, too dumb to realize

That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand

Should have gave you all my hours when I had the chance

Bang Yongguk is walking on the street—Incheon street. He looks at the people who is walking around there. Some of them are couples, of course. He coughs. I’m so empty. Can’t you just comeback? Bang Yonggukk keeps walking and finds a park that they used to go together. He looks at the bench that is placed near the blooming flowers. He takes one of the most beautiful flowers there. He sighs at the fresh scene of it.

“Yongguk-ah..!”, Himchan was having a red rose on his hand.

“Wae?”, Yongguk looked up at the most beautiful creature that he have ever seen.

“Look! What I have here!”, Himchan showed the red rose.

“Yeaa. Beautiful~” Yongguk replied lazily and then turned his attentionback to his iPad screen, which was now full with new lyrics.

“You’re always being like that!”, Himchan got mad with Yongguk because he got ignored by the older man.

“Like what, Himchan-ah? I’ve said that I don’t like flowers and will never be.” Yongguk replied, without took his eyes from his iPad screen.

“B-but... The scene of flowers can make you feel better, Bang Yongguk. You’re such a stupid!”, Himchan shouted at him, gripped at the rose. His palm ended bleeding because of its thorn.

Yongguk felt a waterdrop on his shirt. He thought that Himchan was tearing up so he looked up, but finding Himchan’s palm was bleeding. He didn’t say anything but quicky tore the bottom part of his shirt and then tied Himchan’s palm so it would stop bleeding. Bang Yongguk immediately hugged his boyfriend and then kissed the top of his head, hoping Himchan would getting better. And then Yongguk asked Himchan to go back to their apartment so Himchan could rest and Yongguk could take care of Himchan.

I’m so dumb. Why did I do that to him? Yongguk can’t stop blaming on himself. He pulls his hair out, depressed. He covers his face with both of his hands, while sitting on the bench. The skies are getting darker. Some of the clouds are bonding theirselves together. Not a long time after that, the raindrops start pouring to the earth. Bang Yongguk looks up at the gloomy sky. We feel the same, right? I’m as gloomy as you, you know.

My pride, my ego, my needs and my selfish ways

Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life

Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made

And it haunts me every time I close my eyes

It all just sounds like uh, uh, uh, uh

Yongguk remembers that he and Himchan was often fighting because of a really small things. Like Himchan couldn’t stand Yongguk’s behavior of sleeping late because of doing all of the job. Himchan who couldn’t stand Yongguk’s sense of music—even the older’s man fashion sense. Himchan who couldn’t hold his tears when Yongguk started to curse at the ing flowers that Himchan brought from the park. Himchan who couldn’t hold his anger when Yongguk started to throw the papers off of his desk when he just wrote the wrong new lyrics. Yongguk remembered them, so much.

He also remembers when Himchan was laughing out loud when watching any variety shows on TV. Himchan who was always nagging at him when Yongguk forgot to eat his dinner just because he was busy with his jobs. Himchan who was always busy in the kitchen just to prepare for their dinner that Yongguk barely touched. Himchan who was always snuggling at Yongguk’s chest whenever he was having difficulties to get sleep, or even when he was awakened by nightmares—thunders too.

Yongguk walks to a photo of both of them which is hanging on the wall. He takes it off, looks at it for a long time. Grabbing the photo of the man who is standing beside him—smiling. He places it on like before, and then walks away. He walks in to his bedroom, crawls on the empty bed.

I really miss you, Kim Himchan.