To Kim Jaejoong.

Somehow I regretted that I shared some of my favorite songs with you, because now I couldn’t hear those songs without thinking of you.

Your marvelous ex-girlfriend sang one of our favorite songs in the concert of her group

Her pretty long fingers played piano very well in a sophisticated manner that you adored.

Those spectators were hypnotized by her melodious voice. Her soft silky voice that you had always praised.

She was looking adorable with her stylish pink gown, a soft wavy brunette hair and a glowing tiara which made her look like a true princess that you had always desired.

 But the lyric of the song that she sang wasn't represent about you and her.You guys had happy ending even just for a while. Almost, judging from the lyric, that song  was created for people like us.

Our relationship was like the moon and the sun which heavily rotated around same milky way, but never met in the same orbit. Even before we had a chance, we had been set apart. Every time I thought that we could climb to the upper level, other girls would come between us, ripping my ideal fantasy. Ironically all of them were my other close friends.

It was Ahyoome, it was Jessica, it was Yeonhee and I didn’t know anymore.

Once, when there was no other woman in your mind.

When you started to see me in that lovely stare that I had waited.

When you let your heart to explore all possibilities for our future.

When I tough in mirth that finally that time would come

Without any warning, you suddenly disappeared from my world. You changed your number and email. You moved on from  the old apartment. I didn’t know how to contact you.  You became the only one who shattered my dream, when you and the other two officially fulfilled lawsuits, leaving the company and

 It was hurt Jaejoong. I wouldn’t pretend that it was not. I would rather see you kissing Jessica once again or holding Yeonhee tightly in your embrace anymore rather than face this nightmare.

 But I didn’t hate you. It was cliché really but yeah I knew the time would heal this wounded heart. It became my best doctor with most effective medicine.

Yes, I would never hate you,

Even though the general public assumed like that.

Just because I took a side toward SM or  because I would never agree with all steps that you chose.

Contrary the popular belief, I actually missed you so much.

 Once I secretly stalked your twitter. It was harrowing me when you tweeted about your loneliness and shared those selca pics which show a deep sorrow that painted your chocolate orbs.

I knew you fought hardly, you won some battles but you lost many things too, and it wasn't a little sacrifice.

You got your freedom but you lost SM family members support beneath your wings.

You got more money, getting richer but your leader and maknae became stranger by the days.

You got a promising future with JYJ entitled as your new identity but you miss your right to use the name TVXQ (at least for now!). TVXQ, a sacred  name which was already inked onto your skin and your heart.

They said what come around, goes around. Maybe they were right. I didn’t wait you anymore, my romantic feeling toward you was faded  with the wind but I would never stop praying for you.

I had always prayed for you,

So your injured soul could be healed.

So  all your frustration could be faded.

So your smiles could reach into your eyes anymore.

Regards BoA.

                                                                             *****

I wrote that letter when I missed him so badly. A year later , I still held this letter, it was locked securely on my locker, together with any unsent letters for my grandmother, my nanny and others. He would never achieve it because I was always too afraid  to send it. I couldn’t imagine my best friend’s reaction if he read it. Wait best friend, should I scratch that?! I honestly had no idea whether he still considered me as one of his best friend or not, despite all chaos which had happened around us.

Best friend or stranger, I believed that he could feel it. Among thousands people who stepped inside  and outside his life, there would be someone who will light up his dark night with stars. That person might would never be me, but it didn’t matter anymore. All I care was (is) his happiness, so dear Jaejoongie, please be happy !

Author's Notes;  Chapter one is done, it would be bunch of drabble which has red line until the end of chapters. comments and critics are highly appreciated. i hope you can enjoy this one. this is  edited version , edit at 10/04/2013

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