Chanyeol is my bestfriend. Baekhyun is his boyfriend. Jongin is my boyfriend

Chanyeol and I have been bestfriends since we were five. All those snotty times and the mud pie days, we have been together since. From kindergarten to junior high, we’ve been a tandem. Never had he left me alone eating lunch, or never have I left him alone taking a nap in the rooftop. We thought that we’re going to be together forever with no interference of anyone…

That was until high school and he met Byun Baekhyun.

Byun Baekhyun is a nice guy, no doubt about it. He was like a comedian or a school mascot being crazy and all. And Chanyeol loves him. Even if didn’t tell me I could see how much he likes that guy and I didn’t say anything about it because I was his best friend.

Best friend

I never thought that that word could cause so much pain in my chest. I was his best friend. We used to eat lunch together, used to hangout at either of our houses after school, used to take a nap at the roof top.

Best friend

I scoffed off whenever I think of that word now because now I’m ing confuse on what I feel. Jealousy?

Jealousy

I unintentionally walk onto them one day. They were at a corner in the staircase at the 5^th floor. The teacher asked me to fetch something and I said, “Yes, sir”. I was on my way downstairs when I saw two figures at the corner. I was not really botheres. Supposedly. Until I saw their faces. I froze for a moment and then recovered and quickly went to the faculty room. The teacher was saying nonsense again and all I could say was, “Yes, sir”. I excuse myself and ran towards… somewhere, some place where I know I won’t see them. I feel aweful… I feel sick.

Kim Jongin

“Hi, my name is Kim Jongin.”

A guy walked beside my desk and offer his hand. I just stare at it before taking it to a grasp. It was warm and big. But not as big as Chanyeol’s. everything about this Jongin guy… there is nothing Chanyeol about him to which is why I agreed to go out with him. Every time I see Chanyeol walking hand in hand with Baekhyun, I would tightly hold on to Jongin.

“Kyungsoo, are you okay?”

Jongin is a very nice guy. So nice that I feel really guilty using him as a rebound for Chanyeol. Using him because there is nothing with him that reminds me of Chanyeol. He is Jongin, not Chanyeol. I like him. But not as much as these confusing feelings that I have for Chanyeol. Whenever I see Jongin smile, it also hurts my chest. Just like how Chanyeol smile at Baekhyun.

“I’m all right.”

I could see Baekhyun glance our way often. Not that I really mind but… shouldn’t he be looking at Chanyeol?

Everything breaks in that day. That day where I would meet Jongin at the gates where I saw Chanyeol went back to school alone, wherein I followed him to my curiosity, where in we stop at the music room and found Baekhyun holding Jongin’s face and kissing him in the lips with eyes close while Jongin look stunned.

My heart hurts. But not as much as seeing Chanyeol with Baekhyun. But now it hurts much more after seeing Chanyeol’s agonizing face.

“Chanyeol?” and he ran away. “Chanyeol!” I raised my voice and I can’t even care whether Jongin and Baekhyun hears me. Whether Jongin thinks I’m angry. Whether we would break up soon. Because all that matters to me now is Chanyeol. I’m in love with my best friend.

“Chanyeol?” I knocked on his bedroom door. I can hear loud sobs behind his door. “I’m coming in.” I opened the door to his room and there saw him crying on his desk.

“Kyungsoo… it hurts… it hurts really bad…”

“I know Chanyeol. I know.”

I his hair and and hum him to sleep. And by the end of the night I’ve concluded.

I’m still in love with Chanyeol.

Baekhyun never talked to Chanyeol again. Jongin apologizes a couple of times saying that it was not his fault and I could see sincerity in his eyes.

“Kyungsoo, let’s go eat lunch.”

“I’m sorry Jongin but let’s not see each other anymore.” With that, I choose Chanyeol instead of Jongin.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“uh-huh.” He was looking straight ahead with a smile plastered on his face.

_____

“Kyungsoo, don’t go. Sleep with me tonight.”

An overnight with Chanyeol was fun. but… never would I thought it would be this heartbreaking now. With him mumbling Baekhyun’s name and whispering words that I wanted to be directed at me…

I was stabbed again.

And it hurts more than it hurts before.

And this charade of being over and feeling of unhurt continued. A few overnights and my screw loosen and my heart shatters and I snapped.

I tore a paper from my notebook and scribbled him what’s on my chest the whole time.

I could never replace anyone or someone.
I could only patch up of what’s left of you right now.
I just hope that everything goes well and that you’d find someone else
as a replacement for what I have always been to you…  
I’m sorry that I can’t be like him.
I can’t be everything Baekhyun is.
I don’t look like him…I can’t talk like him… I can’t smile like him…
because I’m a different person.
My name is Do Kyungsoo, not Byun Baekhyun. It’s Kyungsoo, Chanyeol. Kyungsoo.
Everytime you hold me in your arms and whisper sweet nothings…
I know it’s not for me but rather for Baekhyun.
And it hurts.
It ing hurts to hear,
"Baekhyun-ah, Baekhyun-ah, I miss you…" 
"Baekhyun-ah, saranghae…" 
yet I can’t leave you…
because I love you Chanyeol-ah.
I love you that it brings me tears every night.
I love you that the pain won’t subside.
I love you that’s why I’m leaving.

I folded the small piece of paper and slid it under his notebook on his desk.

It’s fine, I told myself.

It’s fine.

A/N:

I've always wanted to write a ChanSoo fic.