Taemin has always been my best friend. A little brother I cared so much for, someone I felt the need to look after. I've never known the reason for that. The kid was just so innocent I had to protect him from the world that surrounded us.

He was beyond beautiful. From his caramel colored hair, to his dark brown eyes, his perfect little nose, plump strawberry-pink lips and porcelain pale skin.

People have always looked at him, wherever he was, admiring his cute looks. He always had a little pout on his lips, and his eyebrows furrowed whenever he was trying to focus on something he didn't understand. He also always puffed his cheeks out when upset or contradicted. He never cried and when he did, I've always made sure not to make the moment last, I hated seeing tears escaping from his eyes. I don't know why, it just didn't seem right.

Though he changed completely when he was doing what he like the most, dancing.

He was no more a cute teen, who made people coo at him, the baby-looking guy. He exploded with talent and charisma, and I've found myself more then once almost drooling at that sight. His body seemed to be controlled by the music. When he danced, his just seemed to belong there, as if he was born doing that.

There were moments he was also so mature, able to make the hardest decisions, to choose between something he cherished the most and what would be better for him. He just had these moments when he made the ones older than him – me included – feel like kids debating whether they should take the chocolate flavored milk or the vanilla flavored one when given the choice. He acted so much older than he actually was sometimes, I wondered how he managed to change so easily to a child the second after.

He could be so childish!

He was stubborn and selfish. When he wanted something very badly he just did everything on his power to have it, no matter who it would affect, nor even how. He tried to act cute; tried be convincing, persuasive; tried to make deals; manipulate; and when none worked he just stomped a feet.

But that's how we all love him, at least how I do.

Actually, the evidence that I love him is something completely new to me. It just hit me like that, one day, as I was staring at him – again – as he laughed at his older brother's lame jokes. He was so perfect when he laughed. I had been feeling weird around him for a pretty long time, but I didn't know why, until that day when that little voice in the back of my mind screamed to me:

'You love him, idiot!'

And unconsciously, I had agreed to it. No longer the rapid beats of my heart, the uncomfortable butterflies in my stomach or the lump in my throat found no reason to be. He was the one who caused it.

However, I hadn't realized how accepting these feelings would affect our lives, our relationship. The changes that came with it had been so discreet, I didn't notice them before it was too late.

Soon, the Lee Taemin I had known, the one I used to see as a little brother had disappeared and he was no longer just a friend. He was way more to me, he meant everything. Everything about him just appeared to me to be flawless.

And I became more possessive.

I just hated to see other people around him, at least the ones who were obviously flirting with him. I had never really minded that, there were always people being all flirty around him, but he never payed attention to them – or at least, I didn't notice it before.

So when I suddenly became more conscious of his presence by my side and his way of acting, the evidence that he indeed played along with these people – or the ones he, I assume, judged worth it – didn't miss to get me overly jealous.

I've always been possessive and jealous, selfish even, but not once I had thought I would feel this way towards Taemin. I felt like he was mine. Just mine and the simple thought of sharing him or his attention with someone else drove me nuts – it still does actually.

I knew someday I would be discovered – even more with my territorial attitude with him, which had already caused so many minor arguments between us. But I didn't know things would happen so fast.

He had showed up with that girl one day. I don't remember her name now, but her face is imprinted in my mind. She was so...beautiful. She had short chocolate brown hair that fell a little past down her delicate jaw-line, framing her pale flawless face with her dark eyes that gave the impression they could see through anything. She had thin rosy cheeks and overly pink little lips.

If I had been in another situation and if I wasn't already conscious of my feelings for Taemin, I would've probably got attracted to her – if not more. Though the problem was there, I wasn't the one attracted to her – because I refuse to accept he liked her that way –, it was Taemin. The way he looked at her, the way he smiled at her and laughed when she said or did something funny... All of that screamed that he was under her spell.

If only I had controlled myself. If only I hadn't been an idiot and tried to get him, maybe things wouldn't have turned like this.

I screwed everything up. Literally.

A few days later, when we were alone at his house, he started talking about her again, while we where walking back to the living-room from the kitchen. He was renting on and on about how good she was at this and how clumsy she could be at that. I hadn't been able to control my rising discomfort.

“Who is she actually for you?!” I had snapped suddenly as I stopped walking, annoyed by his rambling about his 'new friend'.

My jealousy was palpable.

“A friend...why?” he had answered stopping too and looking at me weirdly.

He was probably wondering what had gotten into me.

“Just friend, huh?” I had asked again, my tone full of sarcasm.

“Yeah...” he had said. “Hyung, is something wrong?”

“Yes.” I had replied, way to harshly for my liking, but I was no longer master of my actions.

“What is?” he had asked.

Though, I hadn't had time to answer his question as my body moved by itself and in a matter of seconds, I had cupped his face with my hands and brought his face to mine, forcing my lips onto his. My heart was pounding so hard I could swear anyone could hear its beats. His lips were so soft and sweet, his taste so exotic.

But he wasn't responding.

No matter how hard I tried to bring him to do it, he wasn't responding to me.

No, actually he was struggling in my arms, trying to break free from my hold. And suddenly, in an explosion of strength, he pushed me, sending me staggering backwards. The look in his eyes was completely foreign to me.

Anger. Confusion. Disgust.

He wiped his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt, as if he was trying to wipe dirt from his skin. His lips were red but I knew it wasn't because of the kiss, no, he had used so much strength to wipe my taste from his mouth....

“Tae I-”

I tried to speak, but honestly, words were of no use at the moment – not that I was able to utter a single one without sounding like an idiot.

“What do you think you're doing!?” he had raged at me, his voice no longer the sweet and soft sound that brought an unexplainable peace to me.

“I-”

“Are you crazy?” he had asked.

His eyes shot daggers at me, his anger only rising.

I knew, I knew I had screwed up.

“I- I like you Tae...” I had whispered, ashamed of my own feelings.

“You what?!”

“I like you...”

I tried to approach him, but every time I took a step forward, he took one backwards.

“Get away from me.” he had said, his eyes full an anger I didn't really understand.

“Please...”

“I'm not gay Minho.” he had said sharply, his eyes shining with disgust. “And I never knew you were.”

I hadn't known either before I accepted my feelings for him.

“Taemin, I'm so confused...please understand...I-”

I had tried to reason with him, I had really tried but I couldn't just find my words. His eyes were so accusing, so angered, so disgusted, it troubled me. I was discovering a face from him I had never faced in the whole life-time we had shared.

The one standing before me wasn't my Taemin.

“Get the out of my house.” he had snapped. “I don't wanna see you.”

“Tae-”

“Get. The. . Out!”

So rare were the time he cussed. I could count them on the fingers of one hand and I already saw myself adding one more to the list.

It hurt so much, it still does, to know he wasn't able to respond to or even accept my feelings for him.

“Can we talk later?” I had asked, holding my tears back. “When you're calmer?”

“Don't bother.” he had replied, his tone still as harsh.

“Tae...”

“Go!”

I had to use all my strength to comply. With heavy steps and the world's weight on my shoulders I had left his house, not daring to look back and face that stranger that glared holes at me just because I had confessed to him.

Taemin has always been my best friend, a little brother I cared so much for, someone I felt the need to look after. Though, because he appears to me to be so perfect from his looks to his temper – at least the one I had seen and helped forge –, I fell in love with him, unaware of the drastic changes it would bring into my life. Into our once solid friendship.

After that day at his house, nothing has ever been the same. About a week or two after, I came up to him and tried my best to try and convince him I didn't want anything to change between us, that he didn't have to accept or respond to what I felt, because it was probably just a small crush nothing more, an obvious lie he seems to have accepted and believed.

We still hang out with each other, but I've noticed he does anything not to be alone with me anymore – as if he was afraid I would him or something.

I know he hasn't really accepted my new found uality – I'm still getting used to it myself –, but he doesn't talk about it. Actually, every time I try to bring it up he always finds I way to avoid the topic.

And like the icing on the cake, he changed. He is no longer the cute little Taeminnie that I fell for. He is a man harsh with his words when it comes to something he disagrees with, he plays the innocent to get his way when he obviously is wrong. He seems to have lost that gleam in his eyes that used to send my heart throbbing for hours.

Sometimes, I can't help but think that my confession is the reason he became so different now. I feel as if it was my fault, though I know I can't be the reason for that... Maybe he's always been like this, but hided it very well until my confession triggered his breakthrough – or maybe he's always shown that side of him, but I was too blind to notice.

Either way, I can't help but love him and I hope – even if in vein – that one day my Taemin will come back. He doesn't need to be with me, I know he'll never. I only wish he comes back to the one I've known before that awful day.

Or rather, I wish I had never fell for him; that way, these things would've never happened to us and our precious friendship wouldn't be shattered like it is, as well as my heart wouldn't be in pieces.