Dear 12 year old me,

                Hey kiddo! I sent this letter back in time to you from Onew hyung’s time machine. That’s right kid, you actually become friends with that chicken-loving freak in the future. He’s a pretty cool guy, you should be nicer to him at school. You’ll regret making fun of him now when he has at least a head on you when you guys are 15. He’ll be one of your best friends someday. You’ll still be stuck with Key, Minho, and Taemin too though. Aren’t you lucky? Those wild boys are still your friends after so many years.

                You’re probably wondering what am I doing, sending a younger me a letter. We’ll its quite simple actually. I’m here to warn you about the future. No there’s no mad robots, or aliens, or a zombie apocalypse. The future is actually quite a normal place. Do you remember how you got the acceptance letter into SM High School a few days ago? Yeah, I know it’s still awhile until you go to high school, you’re only 12, but it’s better early than never to tell you how much your life is going to change when you enter high school. Those four years are going to be the best years of your entire life. You’ll make new friends, and have fun in the dorms (you’ll share a room with Key, make sure you let him get enough beauty sleep or else you’ll have hell to pay), and get into a whole bunch of trouble (whatever you do don’t put shaving cream into Mr. Choi’s hair, his pet monkey likes to play with razors, and not to mention it’ll cost you two months worth of detention). There’ll also be a lot of pretty girls (wipe that y grin off your face), but only one will matter to you. Her name is Jung SoEun (don’t look her up on Facebook! Her dad won’t let her have one) and I’m warning you, you should stay away from her (you probably won’t listen to me even though I am you,).

                The first time you’ll see her will be at orientation. She’ll be standing with her group of friends in a corner, listening to them talk and nodding her head every once in awhile. She’ll be the girl with the pretty, wavy, long, brown hair and the new, crisp uniform. I know it doesn’t sound like much but you’ll know her when you see her. You’ll be attracted to how innocent, shy, and naïve she looks. And trust me, at that age you were not innocent, shy, or naïve. When she smiles, you’ll fall in love in love for the first time.

                During freshman year, you’ll watch her from a far. Only finding out what her name is from Minho (he shared three classes with her that year- that lucky bastard). You’ll know her schedule by heart and all of her favorite foods by constantly watching her (no you will not be stalking just watching, by the way start drinking an extra glass of milk per day, you’ll need to be taller to see over the bushes). During the first few months of school, you’ll slip into the popular crowd and she’ll be a part of the normal kids. This is also the year you become friends with Onew and a new kid, Kyuhyun. Kyuhyun’s a lot like you. He likes to sing just like you do and play video games (never play with him when he’s mad though, he’ll rip you to pieces). He also teases you and calls you dino-head (our head isn’t really that big is it?).

                In sophomore year, Taemin, Minho, and Key all get girlfriends. You’ll be jealous not because you can’t get a girl (trust me, girls will be throwing themselves all over you), but because you can’t get the one girl you want. Yup, you’ll still like SoEun. It doesn’t help that she doesn’t seem to know that you exist even though you purposely walk by her locker every day. And it also doesn’t help that she’s all buddy-buddy with Minho because he’s dating her cousin. This will only make you want her more.

                One day you’ll be running late to class (damn Key used up all the shampoo and hot water) and you’ll bump into her. You’ll slip and fall on a lollipop wrapper (it was strawberry flavored) and end up on top of her, stealing her first kiss. When you get up, you’ll be blushing madly and so will she. It’ll be the most adorable sight you’ve ever seen in your life. You’ll can’t help but think about how soft her lips were against yours. She’ll bow awkwardly and run off to her class leaving you behind. Then you’ll smile to yourself and pick up the wrapper (by the way, I still have it, it goes in my pocket with me wherever I go).

                A week later, you’ll get enough courage to drag her to the school’s private courtyard and ask her out. When she says ‘yes’, your world will be filled with rainbows and unicorns (no seriously, the visiting six-year old girl scouts were rehearsing their play in the courtyard that day).

                A month later, your first ‘real’ kiss will happen. It’ll be so perfect that you’ll end up kissing her for hours until Taemin calls and says that there’s no more banana milk (make a mental note to buy more before that night happens).

                During junior year, she’ll tell you that she loves you and your world will be complete. You’ll kiss her and hold her for hours on end. She’s afraid of birds and spiders. She loves to cook and read. She always smells like vanilla and coconut. And best of all, she loves you. She’ll wipe away your tears when things become too stressful. She’ll kiss your throat when it’s sore from intense vocal practices. She’ll be the most important person in the world and you can’t even imagine life without her.

                During senior year, you’ll be the luckiest guy in the world when you hold her small body close against yours and hum her to sleep moments after losing your ity to each other. You’ll be amazed at how soft her skin is, how vulnerable she really can be, and most important of all, how perfectly her body fits with yours.

                Everyday, she’ll tell you that she loves you and you’ll kiss her softly in response. On weekends, you’ll hold her closely in your lap and whisper sweet nothings into her ear and promise her things like how you’ll never leave her. She’ll promise you the same things.

                She’ll break her promises. You’ll see it coming though. It won’t be unexpected, in fact it’ll be your fault (isn’t always?). The summer before you both start SM University, she’ll get tired. She’ll be tired of you playing hard to get. That’s what you’ll do won’t you? You’ll ignore her phone calls in the middle of the night because you’ll be ‘tired’ when she’ll be the one who’s finding out her mother’s dying of cancer. You’ll hide your jealousy when other guys approach her and try to hit on her. She’ll get tired of you missing anniversary dates. For some odd reason, you’ll always make it to the regular dates but somehow forget the important anniversary dates. She used to think it was cute, then it became a nasty habit. She’ll grow tired of your fear of saying those three words, ‘I love you’. That’s right not once will you ever tell her that you love her in your relationship. You’ll promise her marriage and forever, but you’ll never say those three words back to her (please start practicing now, I’m begging you). Last of all, she’ll become tired of you not having the damn balls or guts to tell the world that you two were dating in fear that it would ruin your reputation (you’ll be afraid that if word got out that you were dating a ‘normal’ girl, everyone world turn on you. She was everything but normal though, she was the girl that you loved with all of your heart but wouldn’t admit it). That’s right, you’ll keep your relationship a secret, no one will know about it, ever.

                She’ll leave you on a rainy day by a flickering lamp post because to her it was that simple. It was that simple to give up on almost four years of a relationship. You and me, we’ve never been simple though right? We’ve never given up that simply (remember the time when uncle forgot to buy you a Christmas gift and you sat outside, in the snow, all day until you finally got one?). You’ll watch her retreating figure with tears bleeding down your face, blending in with the rain, wondering if she was crying too. You’ll find out that answer when she’ll turn around with tears streaking down her face too. She’ll look at you as if saying come back and hold me and tell me that you love me. She’ll stand there for a few minutes begging you with her eyes and then she’ll shake her head slowly in disappointment with two fingers pressed to bridge of her nose and walk away for good. You won’t go after her because you’ll be a coward. A stupid, scumbag who can’t even tell her that you love her and that you can’t live without her. How are you supposed to chase after her when you couldn’t even tell her that you loved her? You won’t deserve her love. Your heart will become twisted up and mangled in pieces so badly that it takes you a whole afternoon of Tylenol pills to finally fall asleep.

                You’ll try to forget her but it won’t be easy. Every other girl you’ll look at will remind you of her. Every strawberry lollipop will make you burst out in tears (and isn’t that a sight, a grown man crying in the middle of the market over a lollipop). You’ll feel like such a goddamn prick for letting her leave that easily. All of your friends will ask you what’s wrong and you’ll shut yourself out from them too. They know better to leave you alone though because that’s what you’ll need, time.

                Before college starts, you’ll pull yourself together (you’ll be rooming with Kyuhyun this time which seems ten times better than Key). She’ll come back to me, you think. She still loves me, you assure yourself. There she’ll be standing, with her friends in an isolated corner again. Her hair will have grown out a bit longer from the last time you saw her. You’ll think that she’s gotten even prettier with the time that separated you two. And when she smiles, you’ll feel as if your heart stopped beating.

                Remember how I told you that high school will be the best four years of your life? Well college will be hell for you. She’ll look at you and stare, her eyes turning blank as if she’s seeing right through you, as if you’re invisible, as if you don’t mean a single thing in the world to her, and then your heart will shatter into a million puzzle pieces while you try not to cry right there and then (Key will be telling you a story about the new pink scarf he bought and if you don’t listen you’ll get a beating).

                It gets worse though. She falls in love with the taller, smarter, more handsome Kyuhyun. Yes, Kyuhyun, your future best friend. And the worst part is, he loves her back too, and isn’t afraid to admit it to the world. One day you’ll be walking through the courtyard and you’ll see both of them. He’ll be holding her in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder. You’ll hear him whisper, I love you, into her ear and she’ll repeat it with all of her heart, gazing at him with the same look she used to give you when she told you that she loved you. Remember how your heart became a million puzzle pieces? By that time you would’ve patched it up somehow, but seeing those two, your heart will squeeze together so tightly that it’ll become a shriveled up shrimp.

                When they announce their relationship, they’ll be known as the campus’s cutest couple. In college, no one cares who you’re dating, as long as you’re happy, everyone supports your relationship. You’ll plaster on the fakest smile in the world as you congratulate your best friend with a back slap and toast. SoEun won’t even look at you.

                When you hang out with Kyuhyun, all he’ll talk about is her. About what her favorite food is, what she likes to do, how her family is doing, what their plans are for the weekend, and how much he is in love with her. You’ll nod your head and pretend to listen intently but inside your mind you’re thinking I already  know all of this stuff, I used to, no still am in love with her too. And you’ll be such a dickhead when you think about how much you hate your best friend for dating your ex girlfriend even though it’s your fault she broke up with you. You shouldn’t hate him though. Kyuhyun’s a good guy, he’s perfect for SoEun (something we could probably never be).

                When she comes over to spend the night, you’ll hear them through the dorm’s thin walls. You’ll hate the way their breathing becomes slow and uneven as the night gradually progresses. You’ll hate they way you can hear his bed creaking. In the morning, she’ll come out of his room wearing his shirt. She won’t greet you because you’re such a en coward, you’ll be looking at her through a crack in your bedroom door. Kyuhyun will come out behind her and kiss her goodbye before she leaves through the front door, and he’ll be all smiles all day long.

                You’ll watch them be happy couple all throughout freshman year of college and sophomore year. Kyuhyun will always make it to their anniversary dates, he’ll call her in the middle of the night and tell her that he loves her. He’ll be the one to hold her close and kiss away her tears after that one phone call she received about her mother finally dying after a battle with cancer. SoEun will look happier than you’ve ever seen and in some twisted, demented way you’ll be happy knowing that she’s happy.

                At the end of sophomore year, you’ll watch Kyuhyun bend down on one knee and propose to SoEun with a diamond ring. It won’t be too big or too small but just perfect for her delicate fingers. She’ll look at you for a split second and silently you’ll be begging for her to come running to you. For her to kiss you once again and tell you that she loves you. She doesn’t though. She’ll smile real wide and throw her arms around his neck, muffling a yes into his shoulder. When she does this, it’ll hurt so much that I can’t even explain to you in words about how much it’ll hurt. You’ll probably want to jump of the empire state building four hundred times and get run over by a bull dozer. Everyone will be all smiles and sunshine but you. You won’t be able to help but think that could’ve been me.

                And in your very near future, (wait wouldn’t it be my near future since I’m older? But we’re the same person so it doesn’t matter right?) you and I, we’ll watch the two grow from a couple into a family. SoEun’s stomach will grow but it won’t be our kids. It’ll be our best friend’s. He’ll show off his kids, his newly found pride and joy (which we’ll sadly be the godfathers of) and brag about how beautiful they are and how smart they’ll be when they grow up.  They’ll move into a big house in the suburbs and live the happy family life while we hold on to that strawberry lollipop, left behind.

                So I’m warning you, stay away from Jung SoEun. She’ll do nothing but cause you pain. Don’t you ever look into that corner during high school orientation. Make sure you get up to use the shower earlier than Key does. Stay away from strawberry lollipops! And if you just can’t resist her, tell her that you love her the moment you realize it. I don’t care if you’re in the bathroom taking a dump, yell it out to the world as soon as you realize it. Don’t ever let her go, chase after if she leaves you, don’t be a stupid coward like I was.

                That’s all for now, I have to go. I’m the best man at my best friend’s wedding tomorrow. Tomorrow, I’m watching my best friend marry the love of my life. Younger me, do us a favor. For the millionth time, just stay away from Jung SoEun. She’ll leave such an imprint on you that no other girl will ever measure up to her. No other girl will ever make your heart beat the same way. No other girl will ever make your blood course lividly through your veins that way again. It would be better if you never love her at all. You’ll be saving us both a lot of heartbreak and tears.

                Love,

                     Me 

**Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave comments. I wanna know what part you guys liked the best and how I can improve my writing! Thanks again!**