This is unbetaed. I apologize for my terrible grammar, and mistakes. 

Dear Jonghyun,

I’ve been sitting here for a long time trying to find a proper way to start this letter. I thought to myself should I start it “Hey how’s it going? It’s been a while hasn’t it?”, but didn’t think it fit. So I’ll just skip the small talk and just say want I’ve wanted to say for the longest.

Jonghyun, I miss you. I miss waking up to your face , I miss hearing your laugh, I miss that thing you do with your lips when you get nervous, I miss the way you talk fast when you get excited, but most of all I miss your love. I know it’s been a year and two months since we’ve broken up, and you told me that I would forget you, but you were wrong, Jonghyun. You were so wrong. I haven’t forgotten you or even gotten over you. You lied to me, and told me that time would heal that wound that you caused, so why is it that I still long for you to be by my side smiling at me?

 I hope you’re happy with Minho. Who am I kidding right, of course you’re happy. When I bumped into you with him a month ago you looked the happiest you’ve ever been. I’m not going to lie and say that it didn’t hurt, because it did. It hurt so much, I thought about how I was never able to make you that happy, ever. In those 4 years we were together I’ve never seen that look in your eyes. I wanted to break down crying, I wanted to hurt you because it’s not fair that you forgot about me, that you get to be happy while I’m stuck in such a low place.  But after all those feelings went away I thought for a while. Thought that you deserve to be happy. A beautiful person like you should be given the world. So in a way what I’m saying is, I’m happy that you’re with Minho. If he makes you feel like the world then I have no right to beg you to come back to me, that would be selfish and it'll make me feel  like a piece of scum.

I don’t ever want to see you sad or hurt, and if that means that I’m hurt in the process then it's fine. I love you so much that my happiness isn’t the priority, it’s yours. There’s a point to all this, Jonghyun, and I just wanted to tell you goodbye.  This is going to be the last time you ever hear from me again, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. You see in this past year I’ve realized that I lost myself to self pity.  I’m not the same person I was but its okay. I don’t blame you I only have myself to blame. Because of this I decided to move to America. I’m moving there for a fresh start to my new life. I don’t want to keep living in the past Jonghyun, and that’s the only way I’ll be living if I stay here. I just thought you should know because aside from the fact that we were once lovers, you’ll always be my best friend, alongside with Kibum.

I haven’t told anyone else of the rash decision, so by the time you read this letter I’ll be gone. I’m not going to tell you where I’m going or staying just tell Kibum that you don’t know. 

This is my goodbye, and I hope I we meet again when we’re both happy with ourselves. 

Love,

Lee Jinki