A/N: I really like this. <3

A spoonful of rice steamed gently in the air in front of his face.  His head tilted the tiniest bit to the right and his eyes narrowed just a little to bring the individual grains into focus.  Rice could be a metaphor for their band, Jinki thought.  A handful of rice would slide right through your fingers, dry and sliding along, anonymous and unremarkable.  Uncontained, left to itself, it would scatter in the wind or sit quietly with its fellows, nodding peacefully on its stalk.  He chomped the bite and dropped the spoon to scoop up another tiny mountain of white, contemplating further as he stared at its contours.  But, as soon as you added hot water, washed it, refined it, cooked it under pressure….it filled out….it stuck together.  He ate that bite as well, chewing thoughtfully.  Under pressure, the boys clung together.  Leave them to themselves and they scattered.

“Hyung, what are you doing?”   Jinki snapped back to reality as looked up to meet Taemin’s confused look.   He opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by a scolding voice.

“Yah!  I didn’t make you food to stare at, but to eat!” He glanced over and ducked his head in a quick apology to Key.  The other boy seemed mollified as he sniffed and began gathering plates, an unspoken signal to the rest that breakfast was over.  

Jonghyun snatched a last couple of bites before his bowl was summarily taken from his hands.  He grumbled a little behind the spoon still buried in his mouth before popping it out and smiling at the leader.  “I’m so excited to be going home!”  He wiggled and pushed away from the table to balance his chair on the back two legs.  He smile grew wider as he thought about some quality time off.   

Taemin nodded his head in agreement, his dark fringe flopping into his eyes.  He also smiled, glad to go home and see his family and get fussed over by his mom for a few days.  “It will be nice to be out of the center of attention for a while, won’t it?” 

Key hummed with sympathy over by the sink, knowing how the fan’s varied reaction to his new grown-up, manly image, and the media’s constant questions on the subject had been bothering the youngest.   “It will.  Going back to Daegu where I don’t have to cook almost every day will be a nice break.”  

“But will you be okay here, hyung?”  

Onew smiled with his famous brightness.  “I’ll be fine.  My parents are out of the country on vacation, their first trip together in years, so I’m just going to hang out and sleep- Ah!  How I long for sleep!“  He yawned exaggeratedly, stretching his arms out above his head as he copied Jonghyun’s balancing chair move. 

By this point, the boys were starting to move about the dorm, getting their luggage and last minute forgotten things together.  The company had given them an entire week to relax and recharge after the huge success of their arena tour in Japan.   He really did intend to sleep; it was something he was absolutely truthful about in his interviews.  While they worked, he only ever seemed to get two or maybe four hours of rest a night, if he was lucky.  Ever since training, a full night of uninterrupted sleep seemed like the best of luxuries.   

Jinki dropped his chair back to the floor with a heavy sigh.  Despite the very real need for some shuteye, he knew that would only take him one day at the most, one day until he was forced to stay in the dorm with nothing to do.  It really was unfortunate timing.  Lee Joon was too busy to hang out, what with all his We Got Married filming, and Minho had already left late last night when Minseok dropped by to pick him up.    He could go out and shop for some books to bring back; he was almost done with the anatomy text book he’d been scanning.  But, that meant he’d have to deal with the public and photos, and the whole point of this time was just to relax for once.  The doorbell rang and Jinki got up to check the display-their manager was here to drop the other three boys off.  He turned to find them lined up, almost like they were awaiting inspection. 

He smiled and laughed.   “Sunglasses; check.  Hats; check.  Scarves; check.  Way too much luggage for Key-check!”  He walked down the short line adjusting bits and pieces of their outfits as he went.  Jonghyun only smiled and headed for the door, Key rolled his eyes and patted him on the shoulder, giving non-stop last minute instructions until Taemin pushed him off and dragged Jinki into a quick goodbye hug.   “Have fun, hyung- we’ll see you in a week!”

And then they were gone.  The entry hall seemed to ring with echoes of their happy chatter before settling into silence.  Suddenly, he realized just how alone he was.  He could hear the refrigerator humming, the sputter of the heating unit kicking on.  In that moment, he was overwhelmed with conflicting feelings- a little sadness, a little relief, a little anticipation.  It was the first time in over a year when he’d been totally alone.

Jinki shivered-more because of the empty feeling surrounding him than from the slight chill of winter. The whole body chill roused him from his silent stance still staring at the closed front door.  He rubbed his crossed arms vigorously, trying to scour away the goosebumps and headed for the nice warm blankets of his room. 

Light grew and darkened and grew again.  Jinki slept and woke, scrounged for a bit of food, and went back to bed. 

It was glorious. 

No demands on his time, no worrying about his hair or clothes or keeping up with four other men’s squabbles and issues.  He didn’t smile once unless he wanted to, and it was more of a half-aware grin as he walked from bed to bathroom in only low-slung boxers, without having to feel self-conscious about his less than perfect body or sleep-puffed cheeks.   

It was unbelievable that he could have one of the best days of his life while being asleep the majority of the day.  Jinki blinked slowly into the dimming light creeping beneath the blinds, curled up in his cocoon of sheets and pillow and blanket.  It was perfect; body slightly too warm, but face tingling with the bite of cold air breathing in through the cracked window.   His thoughts moved slowly, languidly as he tried to figure out why he was so content, when earlier he had felt the smallest twinges of being lost when his bandmates left.

Perhaps it was the silence in his ears.  He lived in a world of sound, filling the space around him until he felt it was coiling in his lungs.  He sang because he had to- had to somehow expel the sound pooling within him.  It was an ocean of music flowing in his veins, throbbing tides of melody and lyrics rushing and ebbing away in his mind.  He heard music when there was none to hear, moved to more than his heartbeat.  But today, he hadn’t said a single word.  He hadn’t laughed-at the others or himself.  For this one day, he hadn’t sung, or hummed, or even tapped out a nervous drumming rhythm while waiting for his cup ramen to boil. 

Today, in the times between dreams, he just listened.  His breathing slowed again, eyelids drooped again as the shadows grew long on the ceiling.  Darkness filled the room and he burrowed a little deeper into the covers, too comfortable to get up and close the window against a frosty January night.  His eyes closed and the last thing he remembered of that wonderful day was how full of sound silence could be.