People always thought that bestfriends are always meant to be together, especially between a boy and a girl. But that’s not happening to me right now.

We are just a feet apart yet I feel so distance.

Is it because a table act as a barrier between us? No.

It is because I have this feeling that seems illegal to me. I never intend to have those butterflies in my stomach, heart beating at an unusual pace whenever he looked at me in the eyes. It come without warning, even if you don’t want to.

You will never escape from this kind of curse.

Yeah, I am talking about a boy, Lee Howon. And he appear to be my bestfriend. A guy bestfriend. I mean, I have my own gang and he has his, but he’s my closest guy friend. We’re so close until at one point, people think that he is my boyfriend.

Hell no, but how I wish for that to happen.

He has a short hair, nice sculptured body and a medium height –not too tall, not too short-. He doesn’t have a perfect body yet I fall for him.

Silly me huh?

Nope, I don’t think so because he cares for me whenever I’m in pain, protect me whenever I’m in trouble and cheer me up whenever I’m feeling down. That defines perfection to me.

He may be a rebellious boy, but he is really sweet to his friends. People love to hang out with him as he could light up the atmosphere. He has his humorous side but sometimes he can be someone who you can ask some advices. We are in the same club, so we always go to school camp together. He always take care of me in every camp.

He’ll be the first person who comes to me whenever I have some injuries and nags like a grandmother.

He would ask me how I feel every minute, or if I need anything. He makes me feels important. I feel secure whenever I’m with him.

He would protect me if I’m in danger or trouble. He would cheer me up if I’m feeling down, comforts me if I’m scared or anxious.

What I’m trying to tell you is, he always there for me.

Always.

-Flashback-

It was the third night of our club annual camp and we were told to go to the main hall for an event. It was 7:48 p.m. but the event was going to start at 8 p.m. Some of the club members already left except for me, Hoya and a few juniors. 

Then, we left the campsite together as he walked at the front while I trailed behind him quietly. The ground was sticky and slippery as the rain had just stopped. We had to walk slowly as our slippers flapped underneath our feet or we might fall flatly on our .

Hoya was walking a few metres ahead but his mouth never stopped nagging for me to walk faster.

Suddenly, my slipper’s strip splitted up. It made me walked more slower as my right foot couldn’t gripped onto the slipper due to the broken strips.

I thought Hoya has reached the hall but I was wrong. I saw him walking towards me from afar with his poker face.

“What the hell is wrong here? Why are you walking so slow?” He asked with an annoyed tone, but I knew he was joking.

I gestured my head towards my feet, “My slipper’s strip broke.” I said without expecting for any symphathy. But it turned out wrong too.

He took off his slippers and bent down to place it in front of my feet. I wondered what was he trying to do.

“Put it on.” He said as his poker face remained and nodded his head at his slippers which was currently in front of my feet.

My eyes widen as I pushed the slippers back to him. “What? No!” I literally scolded him. He put the slippers back in front of me. “Just put it on, don’t be stubborn.”

“You don’t have to do this. I can still walk on this slipper.” I replied by moving the slippers in front of his feet again.

We argued about who should wore the slippers and no one was going to surrender. But finally, I gave up. I know argued over something ridiculous with him was useless. I wore his slippers and took my broken slippers in my hand.

And guess what, he walked to the hall in BAREFOOT as he let me to use his slippers. He walked to the main hall without any cover underneath his feet.

We arrived at the hall in a minute which was already crowded with the club members. We wandered around as we looking for our friends.

“Stay here.” He asked me to stay at one spot as he continued searching. I stopped him, and took off his slippers from my feet and placed it in front of his feet. His face was unexplainable.

“Wear this. I’ll stay here and I’ll be fine.” His face softened. He wore his slippers and told me once again at the spot before dissapeared in the crowd.

A few minutes later, he came back with our friends and a new pair of slippers in his hand. “I bought this at the stall near the main entrance. You owe 5 dollars.” He joked. I played along by rolling my eyes at him.

He placed the new slippers in front of me and I wore it. It fitted my feet just nicely. Yeah, he knew my feet size very well. He’s my bestfriend afterall.

-End of flashback-

My feeling is getting deeper and deeper, day by day. This one sided love is giving me a heart ache.

This is too much.

Seeing him being nice to other girls is not the problem. I’m not that pathetic to be jealous over someone who is obviously not mine. But having him just a feet apart and you feel like you couldn’t own him is the severe heart ache. It’s the worst pain that you will ever feel. The only cure is either you throw your feeling to the deepest core or he has the mutual feeling as yours.

Both are impossible.

Yeah, I think I shouldn’t get my hopes too high. Nobody is going to catch me if I fall. The reason why I’m still floating just above the ground is because our friendship. I don’t want our friendship to ruin just because of my stupid feeling. I’m too scared to take the risk.

What if he doesn’t have the same feeling for me? What if he treats me badly after he knows my feeling? What if our relationship as friend change to strangers?

I don’t want those to become my worst nightmare. That would be the last thing that I have ever wish.

My world collapsed as he told me that he had a girl in his eyes. That girl turned out to be my friend. I didin’t know what should I do or how should I react. It became more unacceptable as he asked for my help to get closer to that girl.

The familiar pain became more unbearable. Only God knows how I felt.

The only thing that I managed to say was, “sure, why not. You guys look good together”, with a smile paste on my face. The smile maybe not a sincere one, but it was genuinely meant for him.

I just wanted to look happy around him and I didin’t have the guts to tell him about my true feelings yet. He looked so happy. He looked like a child who saw a toy and told his mom that he wanted it really badly.

My heart clenched. I couldn’t ruin that. Yeah, you can call me stupid, fool, idiot or whatever because I think I deserve it. I am too stupid to help the boy I have feeling for to confess to another girl.  

Idiot.

Its been 2 years I bottled up this feeling. Two years of holding all the bittersweet memories that made me cry and laugh.

You are the reason why I can actually move on from my previous crush. You are the reason why I smile every morning whenever I meet you at school.

If I have to, I will wait for you to realize my true feeling. You have a part of my heart.

I know we are just bestfriends and you wouldn’t want to have a deep feeling to your own bestfriend. But I want more yet I don’t want to deepen my feelings for you.

It is too much.

So please, don’t be too nice to me. You’re confusing me. Don’t leave me hanging. I don’t want to get hurt anymore.

We’re just a feet apart yet I couldn’t have your heart.

Thank you so much for spending your time to read this fic. 

Please comment if I have any mistake or vote if you like the story.

THANK YOU! XOXO