Flights and Phobias

Okay, let’s just say I’m an anti-social freak who hates to see daylight or other people’s faces, that I spend most of my time stuck in my room, chatting online the way I wish I could talk to real people face-to-face, laughing to myself in the silence of my own room while studying for my college classes.

Okay, maybe everything I’m saying is true, but I do have some trust issues when it comes to people. And when I’m online, nobody can really hurt me, of course I’ve had some spats with some, but we get pass it and move on with our lives.

While I’m online, nobody knows who I really am- a timid girl with average-looking features and social problems. People in the real world can be annoying, but when it comes to online, they can be their normal, goofy selves in the comfort of their home, not having to worry of being judged by the piercing eyes that dwindle outside their front door.

But the two closest friends I’ve made were Minny and Moh. They have always been there for me when I needed someone to vent about the idiot at the grocery store or the weirdo at the bus stop. When times got tough for me, I could easily turn to one and vent my feelings. And never- not once- have they said I was a nuisance or inconvenience to them. They would just wait patiently as I vented, and then make me feel better the best way they could: with laughter.

A friendship through a computer screen can be better than one out of it is a lesson I’ve learned with being online. But this friendship wasn’t going to be just online anymore- late tonight, I will be flying to the states and we were all going to meet up in L.A.

We had been talking for a couple years by now and had seen each other via webcam and skype multiple times, so we trusted who we were about to meet.

I just finished packing my big, green suit case and zipped it up as I looked at my watch. I adjusted the hat on my head and sighed, butterflies flying around in my stomach as I thought of meeting my two friends for the first time face-to-face. I breathed out heavily as I smiled to myself, “This is it…”

I took the handle of my suitcase and slung the strap of my duffle bag over my shoulder as I made my way out of the house, locking the door before throwing my stuff into my car and driving to the airport.

After boarding the plane, I stretched in my seat, sighing as other passengers began to board the plane. I closed my eyes to pass the time, breathing in and out evenly to calm my racing heartbeat. This is my first time on a plane and shows like Lost didn’t help my nerves.

I was so on edge, I jumped a little bit at a tap on my shoulder, too busy being focused on my heart rate than the surrounding noises, the touch making my eyes turn to the person who tapped my shoulder. My eyes locked with almond-shaped, beautiful, brown, smiling eyes. I blinked as I noticed his lips moving but no sound coming out.

I realized I was gawking at him and mentally slapped myself as I then tried to pay attention to the words he said, “I guess we’ll be sitting together for the trip.” He bowed slightly, his red-orange-ish hair falling into his face perfectly as he then settled into the seat beside me.

My eyes traced his facial features steadily as I then turned my sight to the view outside my window- we were just about to take off- the propellers turning rapidly and steadily, getting ready for take-off.

“Are you ok?” I turned to the man beside me, blinking at his words, not realizing I was beginning to breathe heavily at a fast pace, “You’re breathing heavily. Do you have a phobia to flying?”

I decided to not answer and kept my back against the chair tightly, my hands curled into fists as I closed my eyes tightly, counting to myself as I felt the aircraft turn upward at an angle, the way a roller coaster would. My eyes squeezed tighter together as I tried to even out my breathing, my ears popping as the plane went higher and higher.

As the plane leveled off, I breathed out a giant breath I had in the entire time during take-off, my eyes slowly opening as I felt warmth on my right hand. I blinked at the feeling and looked down to see the man’s hand holding onto my hand tightly, making me look up towards the man’s eyes, fighting a blush as our eyes met.

All he did was offer me a gentle smile, “Everything’s ok. We’re in the air now,” He smiled again, his thumb rubbing the skin on my hand gently.

I blinked as I slowly pulled my hand away from his, nodding my head a bit in thanks, choking out, “Sorry for being a bother..” He shook his head in response,

“No, not at all,” And after giving me another smile, he turned his head to be facing the front and leaned his head back on the chair, plugging the headphones back into his ears, closing his eyes.

I sighed to myself as I turned back to look out the window,

It’s not the flight I’m scared of, just the take-off.

The endless fields of clouds accompanied my vision, sighing before plugging in my own headphones, leaning on an elbow as I watched us pass by each acre of cloud in the flying contraption called a ‘plane.’ The first few hours were uneventful- giving me the chance to catch up on some rest.

I leaned back into my chair, closing my eyes and listening to the soft beat of Before you Go by TVXQ, swaying me into the comfort of sleep before I felt the plane jerk, causing me to snap my eyes open, my head darting side to side to figure out what happened.

The man that was beside me had done the same thing, being rudely awaken from his sleep from the non-flattering movement of the plane, his eyes also looking around to find a flight attendant to make sure things were ok.

An attendant that had been helping us get into our proper seats came out with a smile, trying to calm down the freaked-out passengers, assuring them we had just hit some turbulence. I blinked, English not being my first language, I didn’t know what “turbulence” was. I pulled out my phone and looked it up on my translator and widened my eyes,

Just turbulence? That means we’re pretty much falling out of the sky!

I looked out my window as I witnessed the plane falling through cloud after cloud, trying to contain the scream that was building up in my stomach, but just as I parted my lips to scream, I felt a hand over my lips, making me look over at the person beside me, putting a finger against his lights to signal me not to scream, a smile still softly painted over his lips.

How can he smile in this situation? I mean, we can die...

“It’ll pass, I promise,” I blinked at his words, unshed tears b my eyes from fear, nodding slowly at his words- somehow granting me comfort in the situation, something I rarely ever felt given to me in the real world.  As soon as he removed his hand from my mouth, the plane had leveled out and was back on course to L.A.

I looked at the man beside me again, biting my lip, unsure of what to say.

“I’m Taemin,” He smiled at me, offering a hand for a handshake. I looked at his hand and nodded slightly, slipping my hand into his, fitting perfectly into his palm, smiling slightly to him as he guided our grasped hands up and down slightly in a proper shake, “And what’s your name?”

I blushed at the question and nodded, “I’m Meew.”

He smiled at my name, chuckling underneath his breath before looking back at me, my eyebrow raised in curiosity, “I’m sorry, that’s just a cute name, is all.”

“Cute…?” I blinked at the adjective he used on my name, shaking my head, “No, I’m not.”

Taemin laughed again and nodded, “The name suits you very well.”

He paused.

“So, where are you headed to in the states? You don’t seem like a native there,” I could feel his eyes trace over my attire: a pair of green short shorts, a white tank top, a tan thin jacket and tan and green flats, my hair neatly in a barrette of a green dragonfly, holding my bangs out of my hair.

My eyes followed his eyes, looking over my clothes, “Is it something I’m wearing?” He shook his head slightly as he raised a hand, his face revealing realization, his fingers snapping on his raised hand as he nodded.

“Glasses!” I looked at him, an eyebrow raised at the word.

Glasses…? 

He turned his back for a moment as he buried into his bag, making me peak over his shoulder just in time to have him turn into me, a pair of thick-rimmed glasses held between the padding of his thumbs and the side of the forefingers, a smile still on his face.

He reached up and gently placed the glasses on my nose, fitting perfectly as he nodded, looking at the glasses that now occupied my face, making me blush as his eyes locked with mine.

I slapped myself to snap myself back into reality, “W-Why…?”

An eyebrow raised on his features as he nodded in understanding, “It looks cute on you. Girly doesn’t seem like your style.”

I could feel my eyes widen in wonder- he was right. The outfit I was wearing wasn’t my style at all, but I wanted to make a good first impression on Minny and Moh when I landed- to show I cared enough to clean up a bit.

Usually, I’d wear a simple pair of jeans or shorts and throw on anything that felt comfortable- but I must admit, it felt nice being dressed up. It gave me a sense of importance and made me feel… pretty, for the first time in a long time.

Taemin pointed a finger to the window, letting me see my reflection, and the glasses did bring a sense of who I used to be back home, although it did look good with the outfit I was wearing. I smiled as I tucked a strand of my bangs behind my ear, smiling at the reflection that looked back at me. My eyes traced over my facial features and then to the reflection of Taemin’s in the window, making color flush to my cheeks a little to see a heart melting smile on his lips.

I nodded in gratitude to Taemin and smiled slightly, “Thank you. The glasses bring a feeling of who I used to be. I appreciate it.” The statement earned a wave of his hand,

“Don’t worry about it, Meew. It suits you more than me.”

I nodded, “But still, thank you.”

He nodded again, “Ah, you didn’t answer my question. Why are you headed out to L.A.?” I blinked at the question and bit my lip, nodding slightly, recalling he had asked earlier.

The words jumbled together, a fear that he might find me a freak if I was to reveal too much about my life back home and how much of a coward I used to be, biting my lip more before finally answering, “Well, you see, I’m going to L.A. to meet some friends of mine.”

He nodded, an eyebrow still raised, “But, like I said before, it seems like you’re not a native. Mainly because of the way you acted during take-off and your accent.”

I smiled shyly, “Is it that obvious…?”

A low chuckle came from his lips as he nodded, “Yeah, a little obvious.”

I shrugged slightly at the situation, “Well, this is my first time meeting them face-to-face, actually.”

He raised an eyebrow once again in curiosity, “The first time…? But you said they were your friends. How did you guys meet if this is your first time meeting them?”

This time it was my turn to chuckle, a slight smile playing on my lips as I nodded, “It’s a little complicated.”

“You all met online?”

I blinked at his answer, a slight blush fighting its way on my cheeks, smiling again shyly, “Maybe it’s not so complicated..”

He laughed as he nodded, grabbing his bottle of water he had gotten earlier in the flight and twirling the lid open and sipping the substance, “You guys have seen each other, though, right?” I nodded at his answer, making him nod back, “Good.”

I nodded, “They’re the best friends I’ve got.”

He nodded, letting me know he was listening, “But, back home…?”

I shook my head, smiling sadly, “No, there’s no one back there. All the friend’s I’ve managed to make are online. I’m too much for the real world, I guess you could say.” Taemin’s eyes looked down at me, making me sigh and roll my eyes, “Don’t look at me like that.”

He blinked in confusion, “Like what?”

I pointed a finger at his reaction, “Like that. Like you’re better than me, just because you can get anyone to be friends with you. I can tell right off the bat the kind of guy you are. You’re the one who was popular with not just girls, but also with the boys with your athletic ability. You probably owned a car by your Junior year in high school and didn’t have to worry about anyone hurting you emotionally or physically. Don’t judge me, Taemin. Minny and Moh are two of the few people I can trust in this world, and I won’t let you change that.”

Taemin blinked at my reaction and chuckled under his breath, shaking his head a little, “I think you misunderstood, Meew.”

My eyes slowly looked up to lock eyes with him, raising an eyebrow, “What did I misunderstand?”

He shook his head, smiling to himself, a hand slightly hiding the expression, his eyes slightly glancing at me as he waved the other hand, “Don’t mind it.”

I shook my head, sighing, turning my head back to out the window, silence settling between us, but noises and soft voices from the surrounding people could be heard, small talk soon disappearing as it grew darker outside, sleepiness over taking the plane passengers.

My headphones were plugged into my ears, my eyes drowsily half lidded until I felt a tap on my knee, bringing my attention away from the random movie the plane was playing on the wall in front of us. I turned to Taemin beside me, my eyes still a little sleepy as my brain processed his pointing finger. I followed his finger to out the window, my eyes widening at the sight of stars surrounding us.

The sight made me feel we were in space, but I knew better than that, I wasn’t a grade school student. I could feel my mouth gawk open at the sight, my eyes dancing on the hundreds of stars outside my window- it was so breath-taking and beautiful.

I turned my head to look at Taemin, too see he had a small picture in his hand, it looked old and crunched up, the object struck my interest, making me lift up a finger and pointing at the piece of photography, asking, “What is that…?

Taemin blinked, trying to process what I was pointing at, he smiled slightly as he nodded, turning the picture for me to see it- and what I saw was unbelievable.

Staring back at me from the photo was a nerdy Taemin, thick rimmed glasses, acne and a chubby face. I looked from the picture up to Taemin’s face, blinking, “Who.. is that?”

He smiled slightly as he nodded, “That’s the popular, wealthy and handsome kid in high school you thought I was.” My eyes widened as my thoughts were voiced, tracing a finger over the photograph, looking back up at him.

“Really…? You look nothing like this,” I started, biting my lip, “Did you get work done or something?”

Taemin scuffled a laugh and shook his head, “No, it took time, patience, endurance and a lot of exercise to become what I am today. And I must have done really well to make you think I was such a lucky child in high school.”  A blush found its way on my cheeks as I bit my lip slightly, regretting what I had said earlier about him, “Maybe you shouldn’t be too quick to judge either, hm?”

I nodded, biting my lip more and sighed, “I guess I should take my own advice.”

Taemin’s smile turned into a gentle one, nodding slightly, “It’s ok, don’t worry about it.”

I shook my head, resting my hand on my neck nervously, glancing away, “No, it’s not ok. I didn’t know, Taemin. Please forgive me.”

Taemin gently guided my chin upward to look at him, the same gentle smile greeting me, “Already forgiven.”

A blush painted my cheeks once again as our eyes met, but it didn’t last long until the intercom blared out,

“Welcome passengers, I know it’s late, but we’ll be landing in L.A. in a few short minutes, so make sure you have all your belongings with you before exiting the plane and thank you for choosing First Airfare Flights.”

My eyes went from the speaker that was above Taemin and I’s head to lock back on his eyes, my mind on a jumbled ball.

Why are you doing this, Meew? After this flight we might not even see each other again. You’re just torturing yourself with these feelings, it’s just so confusing. I never had a boy just approach me the way he did. And his touch is so warm…

Taemin’s eyes continued to lock on mine before gently removing his finger from my chin slightly, turning his head a little- a way most guys would turn their head when they’re embarrassed or don’t want to talk about what happened.

I guess, that’s it…

That was the only thing I needed to tell me that our short relationship was over. The small action told many things, but everything it said, hurt. I couldn’t tell why it hurt, it just did. It was a childish thing to think there was anything between us- and now, I’m paying the consequences for it.

Taemin glanced at me and for the first time during the flight, there wasn’t a smile present on his lips. He moved forward a little and gently pushed me back against my seat, making me speechless as he buckled my seatbelt, shaking his head, “You weren’t listening to the attendant, you need to put your seatbelt on.”

I blinked as I nodded slightly, murmuring, “Sorry I’m being a bother again.”

This time, he didn’t assure me I wasn’t being a bother, he just leaned back into his seat and put his seatbelt on, clasping it closed, “How do you feel about the landing?” I raised an eyebrow, not sure what he meant, “You freaked during the take-off, how about the landing?”

“Ah,” I started, realizing his question, trying to make things more pleasant about the situation, forcing a slight smile on my lips, “We’re getting closer to the ground where humans belong, so I don’t mind it so much.”

“That’s good,” he nodded with his words and silence settled between us again as the landing approached. We didn’t say anything more to one another, but I felt his finger slightly poke at the palm of my hand. I let my eyes steal a look at him, seeing his Adam’s apple bounce a little as he swallowed, making my eyes look down at our hands, to see him slide his hand into mine, squeezing slightly.

The slight pressure on my hand made me look back towards the front, still confused about what our relationship would become after this flight, but the slight squeeze gave me the message that he was willing to try anything if I was.