can i love you?

a fluffy one shot dedicated to woohyun&seungyeon.

Seungyeon stops in front of the library, her light pink sweater loosely tied around her shoulders, "And finally, this is the library or well, your third home starting from now," she jokes, half of the group she's in charge of giving her scared glances. Oops. "Seriously, don't worry too much!" she cheers, a bright smile on her lips, "Freshman year is going to be fun," she adds, hoping she sounds convincing enough. It wouldn't be good if half of the girls she's supervising decide to drop out before their first day of class.

"I have a class right now so I will have to cut this short but if you have questions, you can always find me in the library or the dorm and Gyuri is also there to help if needed. Don't be shy, alright?" she says sweetly, not giving them the time to reply and rushing towards the science hall before professor Cho closes the door and doesn't let tardy students enter. Tarnishing her reputation of being a 'perfect' student isn't in her plans, especially not on the first day of senior year.

She can vaguely hear bribes of their conversation (something along the lines of "how nice unnie is," and "Seungyeon unnie is so friendly") while hurrying to her biochemistry class and she smiles, content with herself.

-

"Do you know if Sunggyu is coming tonight?" Gyuri asks, lying on her friend's bed and reading the latest issue of whatever girly magazine she usually reads (she's yearly subscribed to a dozen of them, Seungyeon stopped trying to understand).

Gyuri is the other resident assistant of their dorm and a close friend. The two girls met during freshman orientation and simply clicked, having been friends since then.

Seungyeon is sitting on the floor, her back leaning against the pale blue wall, "I think so, everyone living in his dorm is coming, freshmen included. I don't imagine their RA staying quietly in his room," she replies, madly typing on her laptop, all of her biology books opened around her, "He would probably get crazy wondering what's happening to his boys, you know him."

"True, I don't even know why I asked," her blonde friend says, "He's such a prude," she almost spats before adding, "Sunggyu isn't the type of guy who will let his young hormonal guys being unsupervised around girls."

"Around you, you mean?" Seungyeon laughs, remembering the incident between the two of them. Gyuri being rejected by a guy, younger than her nonetheless, wasn't common and let's say her friend didn't exactly like being remembered of her rejection. "Don't tell me you're still bitter about, well, that."

"What if I am?" admits Gyuri, defensively, a frown on her usual perfect face. After a moment of silence, she whispers softly, "He rejected me like I was disgusting him."

Seungyeon can hear the hurt in her friend's voice which is surprising and unusual. Gyuri is the type of girl who moves on easily, full of confidence and who doesn't bother with people not liking her ("They're just jealous, what can I say?") and having her being that affected by what Sunggyu did, two years ago to add at that, is shocking.

Saving the file she was working on and turning her computer off, Seungyeon looks at her friend with sympathetic eyes, "Don't think too much about it, Gyul. You know how awkward Sunggyu is," Gyuri tilts her head, an eyebrow raised curiously and Seungyeon continues, "You should talk to him about it tonight, I'm sure it's a silly, stupid misunderstanding."

Gyuri nods, a determined expression on her face and a huge smile on her lips, "You're right. I'm going to make him regret rejecting me. Nobody rejects Park Gyuri," and almost as a afterthought, she gets up, grabs her friend's arm before chirping, "Let's be the hottest girls at the party and make him eat his words."

While Seungyeon is being dragged to her friend's room by a now excited Gyuri ("Do you think I would look hotter in my red dress or the black one?" "Which ones are you talking about? you have like gazillions of dresses!"), she can't help but groan, thinking it's the price to pay for being such a good friend (and having unleashed a monster, though she wouldn't dare say it to Gyuri's face).

-

Seungyeon has to stiffle her laughter as she catches Nicole and Hara, two freshmen girls who just moved in her dorm, dancing crazily on what's supposed to be a dance floor. At least some people are having fun, she thinks while trying to hide a yawn.

The party has only been in full swing for less than two hours but she's already bored out of her mind and tempted to just go meet the love of her life, her bed. That was always how parties went, Gyuri would be the social butterfly she is, chatting people about fashion, make-up and gossiping while Seungyeon would be just there, waiting for time to fly.

"Noona," she suddenly hears and turns her head in time to see Sunggyu and another guy she has never met before coming towards her. Her friend seems in a good mood and she wonders if he has seen Gyuri yet. Probably not, she supposes, or he wouldn't be that decontracted.

"Oh, Sunggyu," she greets, smiling brightly, happier now that she has a friend by her side and someone to talk to. Most of her friends aren't exactly fond of parties and stayed in. "How's the party treating you?" she asks, smoothing out the creases of her yellow dress absently.

Sunggyu smiles back, his eyes disappearing in an adorable eye smile, "Having a good time, noona! Both the food and music are great. What about you, having fun?" and before she can't even say anything back, he tugs his companion by his sleeve and introduce him, "Seungyeon noona, this is Nam Woohyun, one of my closest friend since childhood and a new member of this school."

She bows low, her body almost forming a perfect ninety degrees angle, not minding the fact that he's younger than her and should be the one bowing low instead. Pushing long strands of her dark red hair behind her ears, she gives Woohyun her signature eye smile and introduce herself, "Hello, I'm Han Seungyeon, nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," Woohyun grins, giving her his own eye smile as she takes the time to study his features. He's pretty cute, she admits to herself, maybe a bit too young and boyish for her tastes. He's still probably going to break a few girls' hearts, she thinks, especially with that charming grin of his.

Sunggyu takes a sip of his drink and decides to intervene before the conversation dies and an awkward silence takes its place, "Noona has really helped me since I have been here, she's also a RA and well, she's academically gifted so library sessions with her are the best if you ever need to cram!"

He has put his arm around her shoulders as he said this and she can feel the blood rushing to her cheeks, not used to being put under the spotlight and well, not used to being this close to a guy either. "Don't exaggerate! I'm not… 'academically gifted'", Seungyeon replies, using air quotes, "I'm just conscientious and a good student, I guess," she ends, giving the two of them a shy smile and playing with strands of her hair, a gesture she does when she's nervous.

Woohyun is watching the two of them with a slight smile on his face, finding her blush absolutely cute, "Don't be modest, noona", he says, putting emphasis on the word and making her blush even more, "I'm sure you're really as good as hyung says."

She shakes her head and stays silent, not knowing how to reply. She isn't exactly sure of what he's doing, if he's truly flirting with her or if she's just imagining everything - the smiles, the compliments, the looks he's giving her. The only thing she's confident of is that she has no idea of how to react to all of this.

Internally, she prays she won't make a fool out of herself.

-

She doesn't and she ends up, in fact, having a great time with Woohyun. (Sunggyu left them alone shortly after she proposed to call Gyuri over. "Headache," he said. Sure.)

Seungyeon discovers that Woohyun loves singing, is rooming with a kid from Busan named Howon ("I hope there's a satoori class I can sign up to because I will need it."), and that he's a natural flirt, sweetness coating every word coming out of his mouth. They spend two hours talking about how classes are, which teachers are the best and the ones to avoid, Seungyeon giving him tips and Woohyun making her laugh (and blush) countless times.

It's the most fun she ever had at a party and probably in months to be honest (being a pre-med student is everything people imagine and more, it's probably the first party she was able to fit in her schedule in months). Even though all they ended up doing was chatting and dancing ("B-but I'm so awkward at dancing, Woohyun, just no, please?"), she can't remember the last time she had such a good time.

"I will see you soon?" she asks, taking her keys ("Is that a Hamtaro keychain? Looks like you!") out of her bag, hope lacing her voice and shining in her brown eyes.

"Of course," Woohyun says, taking his phone out of his pocket and offering it to Seungyeon, who quickly punches in her number before giving it back, "I will text you soon."

She nods and turns around to enter her building, but then spins around, a small smile on her lips, "Have a good night!" she says.

Smiling, he quickly walks up to her, stopping when their feet touch, his leather black shoes meeting her gold high heels. She can feel his warm breath caressing her skin, making her shiver. "'Night, noona," he whispers, so close that she wonders, even hours after he left, if she has imagined him pecking her cheek, if the warm sensation of his lips and her skin tickling are just works of her mind.

-

"It's almost going to be my turn," Woohyun says, toying with his blue straw, his cup of iced coffee empty. It's the first Wednesday of December, which is synonym for 'open mic night' in the small café they frequent outside campus, their place of sorts.

Seungyeon looks at him, her head tilted to the side, a curious expression on her face, "After the two next performers, right?" As he nods, she continues, "Don't tell me you're nervous Nam Woohyun, you never are."

"I'm not, I have been singing since I have been talking you know. It's in my blood, noona," and she's almost tempted to believe him. It's the third time he will be performing tonight (the third time she's there to watch him, too) and she is confident that, this time again, his voice is going to do wonders (if being left shivering and with a body full of goosebumps are wonders) on her, not that she would admit it to him.

"The only thing blood is composed of is blood cells, Woohyun," she nerdily jokes, only earning a raised eyebrow and a smirk from him.

"You should really go out more, noona, those weird science jokes are just…" he teases, before adding, "I confess, the geeky glasses does look cute on you though," he bursts out laughing at the face she makes, her brows set in an adorable frown and a tiny pout on her lips.

They're interrupted by Sungyeol (the part-time barista who is too freaking tall in Woohyun's opinion) who gestures at Woohyun to go on the side of the makeshift scene. Making the 'ok' sign at Sungyeol to inform the other he got the information, he turns towards his friend, leaning closer to her and whispering in her ear, "Listen to me well, noona~" before getting up and joining a few others singers on the side.

Seungyeon is unable to remember any of the songs he sang that night, too distracted by the ghost of his breath caressing her ear.


-

From: nam woohyun
Noona! ♥♥ Let's have a study session together~?
I need help, midterms ㅠㅠ

To: nam woohyun
Sure! Let's say, at the library? 3PM?
Don't be late~! ^^

From: nam woohyun
I won't~ thanks noona! ♥ You're the best! =_=

-

Her nose is plunged into a genetics book by the time he arrives, his grey coat hastily buttoned and his hair disheveled by the wind.

"You're late," she says calmly, too calmly while he sits up next to her. She doesn't even look at him, her long hair hiding her face (and probably the murderous expression she has on, as well) and Woohyun knows he's in trouble, a grimace plastered onto his face.

"Sorry," he pleads, giving her the puppy eyes he knows work as a charm on Sunggyu. They don't seem to work on her though, judging by the fact she didn't even glance at him once since he arrived and sat next to her. He realizes that he really ed up and tries to apologize, "I have, well… I have no excuse for being," he glances quickly at his watch, "forty minutes late but I, , am sorry."

She lifts her head then and looks straight at him, not saying anything. He can't stand the silence, the distant expression she has on, the dimmed light in her eyes, all the traces showing her disappointment in him.

"You don't have to stay, noona, I mean… You can, of course you can, it's your library, well, not really. Ah, what I want to say is that we don't have to study together," he babbles stupidly, kicking himself inwardly for sounding so idiotic. He's a mess, a pathetic mess created by the woman in front of him, "I'm going to go now," he adds in a dejected tone, awkwardly scratching the back of his neck.

He starts to leave but she grabs his forearm, her pale fingers wrapped around his slightly tanned skin. "Don't leave," she says softly, her gaze not leaving his, "You asked for my help and we're both there and," she gives him a small smile before lowering her head and taking her hand off his arm, "I won't let my most treasured nam dongsaeng fail his midterms."

"Most treasured dongsaeng, hmm?" he grins (ignoring the pain in his heart who screams you'rejustadongsaengdongsaengdongsaeng at him, like a manthra he won't be able to forget), the atmosphere suddenly lighter.

She rolls her eyes, used to that big head of his and his enormous ego, "Continue being that way and you're just going to be my least favorite dongsaeng ever, Nam Woohyun." Taking some books that could be helpful to him out her bag ("You're taking basic bio, right?"), she deposes them on the table they're sharing and gives him a pointed look, "Now, shut up and read these, you need it."

"Yes, ma'am."

-

The excessive amount of love is going to make her sick. Of course, February's open mic night would be a love themed one ("February is the month of love, noona, don't sulk because you're lonely."), she thinks, watching around her and noticing the café being full of cute, lovey couples. She's probably the only one who is accompanied by a friend.

It's Gyuri's first open mic night and Seungyeon isn't sure there is going to be a second time. Gyuri hasn't stopped complaining since the moment they first got there, but her friend always had a knack for being a dramatic queen and over exaggerating things.

"God, the decoration makes me want to hurl," Gyuri exclaims, her nose crinkling up in distaste, "Seriously, who in hell thought putting those hearts everywhere was a good idea? The shades of red and pink are absolutely atrocious. The person who picked them should be fired on the spot, I tell you."

The café went all out for Valentine's Day. Huge hearts have been put everywhere – on every wall, on the floor and some are even dandling from the celling – all the tables are covered by a white and pink tablecloth, little candles, small chocolates and tiny hearts have been scattered on them, too.

"I even got some of these ing things in my drink," the blonde complains, removing a small heart floating on the brown liquid filling her cup.

"Maybe the barista wanted to pass you a message?" Seungyeon laughs, hands covering , "Something like, "you, blonde goddess, you're so hot, let me make you even hotter under the sheets?" " She adds, her eyebrows wriggling suggestively.

Gyuri slaps her arm lightly, rolling her eyes, "Don't joke with this, the guy looks like he's crazy enough to do that, look at his smile, who grins like that? It's giving me the creeps!"

"You're such a judgemental , Gyul. Chanyeol," she gestures towards the tall barista ("Is being tall a requirement to work here or what?" Woohyun grumbled one time, painfully jealous) who is busy laughing while serving clients, "is a good friend of Woohyun and a genuinely nice guy. Anyway, talking about good friends of Woohyun, how is Sunggyu?"

Gyuri stops sipping her caramel macchiato, shooting her friend an incredulous glance, "Why should I know how Sunggyu is doing? You're his friend."

"Well, aren't you his friend too? Or was I just seeing things when I saw you together last Monday?" Seungyeon asks cheekily, taking a sip of her own drink, the vanilla cream melting on her tongue (Green tea is for calmness, vanilla for bitterness, strawberry for happiness and café au lait for moodiness, all of those being the main emotions in her life).

"No comment, I don't know what you're talking about. What about you, where's loverboy by the way? Shouldn't he be around?"

Seungyeon scoffs, bewilderment in her eyes, "Are you talking about Woohyun?" As her friend confirms by nodding, she laughs, "There's the same amount of love between us than between you and Gyu which is none. It's 'friends love', Gyul, 'friends love'," she insists, though her cheeks are the same color as her red wool sweater.

"Sure," Gyuri says ironically, her voice full of scepticism, "Whatever you're saying, hon," She waves her hand towards the scene, sing-songing in a childish voice, "Seems like it's loverboy's turn now~"

Seungyeon instantly redirects her attention towards the scene, where Woohyun is adjusting the microphone, looking handsome in his white v-neck tee and black cardigan.

"Good evening everyone, my name is Nam Woohyun," he introduces himself, getting comfortable on the chromed high stool the café provides and nodding at some regulars he recognizes, "It's a night we, as performers, want to make enjoyable for all the people in love who are with us tonight. As for the ones who are unfortunately single," he pointedly looks at her as he's saying this, "Don't worry, your time will come soon."

His eyes closes as the first notes start and he immerses himself in the melody.

Seungyeon is enjoying his performance, lost in her own world until her friend nudges her, "Sounds like the song is dedicated to you. Are you certain it's not 'love love'?" she whispers, using air quotes and wait – what?

"Because noona is a woman, because you are my woman," he sings, looking right at her, his gaze so powerful she doesn't think she can move, "I'll call you by your name, no matter what you say. So that you can feel me as a man, I'll hold you tightly," he continues, his eyes never leaving hers.

She feels as if the world she was living in, full of darkness, is suddenly brought to life with an explosion of lights, as if it is now impossible to dance around the attraction, around the weird tension present whenever they were together.

Her heart is beating fast against her ribcage, almost painfully and she wonders if it's a reaction created out of fear or out of happiness. For the first time in her life, the calm, controlled Han Seungyeon is at a loss of what to do and she hates it, hates the sensation of being weak, not in control.

(And she bolts, leaving the café in a rush, not looking back once, not knowing how to deal with this excess of feelings, not able to watch his face, not wanting him to see the tears running on hers. Tears of fear, tears of shame, tears of not knowing how to love back, used to taking but not giving).

-

She leaves her turned off cellphone in her socks drawer, buried under dozens and dozens of socks. It's childish but she can't read his words.

She hides all of their pictures in the same drawer. It's ridiculous but she can't see his face.

She doesn't turn up for the next mic open night. It's stupid (and ridiculous, shameful, idiotic, total nonsense) but she can't hear him sing.

(She also starts to get addicted to a new drink, bitter plain black coffee. For sadness).

-

Meetings with Sunggyu have never been so awkward and she feels awful for putting their friend in this situation (she generally feels awful since it happened but it goes without saying).

"I'm sorry," she sobs, the shell she had been hiding behind the past few weeks finally cracking, "I have been inconsiderate for putting you in this position," she murmurs, tight with lots of different emotions – regret, pain, nostalgia, and a tiny spark of hope.

Taking her in his arms, he whispers quietly, as a father who would comfort his child, "Don't be, noona," (she internally cringes but says nothing), "What you did wasn't right but it was human and," he erases the tears on her face with his fingertips, "no matter how perfect you want to be, you have the right to be wrong, too. I know he agrees with me."

She nods, feeling grateful for the words he's offering her, for his presence, for everything he has been doing for both her and Woohyun. It's the first time in weeks her heart isn't contracting painfully, the first time in weeks she doesn't feel like she's drowning.

"How is he doing?" She dares to ask, head lowered, her voice so small that Sunggyu has difficulties understanding her.

"He is," he searches his words, falling silent for a moment, "hanging on if I can say. He's starting to joke again but I'm not sure it's a good thing. Said that at least, when he loses, he loses everything, that he lost in love and lost in school. I have weird funnier jokes."

"Lost in school?" she asks, incomprehension written all over her face, "but we studied so much for his midterms. He was so ready for basic biology, I don't understand."

"He doesn't take basic biology, noona," Sunggyu says, an eyebrow raised.

"He doesn't? But, he said…"

Sunggyu shakes his head, a bittersweet smile on his face, "He probably used that as an excuse for you to help him. For you to spend time with him. He's stupid like that, you know."

The pain in her heart is back, ten times more painful than it was before.


-

To: woohyunnie~ ♥
I want to tell you carefully
I want to be brave
Can I love you from today?



(Can we meet?

Please.)

She hopes he will get the message. She's not a good singer but her heart is singing loud.


-

To: my woman ♥
I knew at first sight that you were mine,
I don't want to lose this obvious feeling



(You don't have to ask

♥)

He's stupid, she thinks, reading his message. "He shouldn't forgive her so easily", her mind yells at her (but her heart is doing somersaults of joy in her chest and it erases everything, even the darkest thoughts she has, no, especially the darkest thoughts she has).

He shouldn't be that way but she loves him for that. For the perseverance he has, for his capacities to hold on and stays true to his feelings. For the fact he's accepting her flaws, embracing them when she's not able to. For guiding her on the path of love. For teaching her how to give.

For being her favourite nam dongsaeng and picking her as his woman.


//end.