There had been times when I imagined him knocking at my bedroom door. I would get up from my bed as it would creak beneath me and make my way there. I would ask, “Who is it?” in the most careful, but cheerful tone I could, and he would answer, “I’ve come back for you,” in that slightly deep voice I remember him by. Opening the door slowly, my heart would beat faster and faster.  Then, the click of the door would resonate through the empty space of my bedroom. My door would swing open, and a familiar pair of arms would wrap around me, and I’d hear, “I’m sorry,” over and over in a trembling voice, “I’ve finally come back though. I’m so sorry.”

I still imagine all of that. My mind tends to drift off, especially during the moments when I especially need him.

Myungsoo was the one who knew of everything. He was an old friend of mine. Maybe he was the only friend I ever had in my life. He was older than me by a few years, and he spoke to me informally, even when we first met. I was taught that if you spoke to someone informally, it was because you thought of them on a lower level. I wasn’t happy when he talked to me in that manner.

“Hey, kid, where’s your mom?” Myungsoo wondered, using my head to help him get up. I was sitting on the bottom step of my porch. I really hated staying inside.

I shrugged. Myungsoo continued to walk up the stairs and was about to walk in, knowing the door was unlocked. He opened it slightly. I turned my head and looked up the steps. The two of us could hear the sound of my parents’ arguing and quarrelling. Myungsoo blinked before shooting a glance at me.

“Huh, she sounds busy.” Myungsoo shut the door. He casually walked down and took a seat next to me. My eyes darted to the car passing by. The speed of my heartbeat wasn’t any slower than it. Suddenly, Myungsoo’s hand was tangling itself in my hair. “Kiddo,” he spoke softly, “don’t be so sad.”

I let out a sigh. “Myungsoo, why do you talk to me so informally?”

Myungsoo chuckled, the sound making me forget everything I was upset about. “You’re my friend,” he simply explained, “I don’t need to speak so formal with someone I’m comfortable with.”

Myungsoo’s voice was all I could hear. There was nothing else.

To this day, I distinctly remember how it sounds. A little rough, but attractive nonetheless. It was a bit nasally. It was a bit deep. His voice was steady and low when he spoke, but when he sung, it trembled. Maybe he knew how it felt to be scared. To tremble.

The first time Myungsoo sung to me was the night I found out my mother died. She was sick for a while, but she never told me anything. My father didn’t care about anything. Not about my mother, not about me. Who else would be there to save me?

“Myungsoo.”

“Hm?”

“I’m sad.”

“I know, kiddo.”

The park was always a convenient place for the two of us to be. Our conversations continued even after the sun would set. Our parents would look for us, but did they really know us at all?

It was winter, and the sun had gone down. All I wore was the thickest sweater I had, a long sleeve underneath, and a pair of sweatpants. The worn out sneakers I wore weren’t warm at all. The presence of Myungsoo, however, was enough. Everything seemed alright if he was by my side.

“How are you going to make me feel better?” I didn’t want to look at Myungsoo, but I had to. The moonlight shone on him in an awesome way. Every feature of his face was illuminated.

“I’ll sing for you.” There, Myungsoo opened his mouth, and a quiet tune escaped his lips. He closed his eyes in concentration. I didn’t recognize the song, but I didn’t care. With every word he sang, a cloud of cold air puffed out. With every word he sang, my heart trembled. His lips quivered. A tear slipped out of Myungsoo’s eye. It glistened in the beautiful moonlight. My beloved was trembling. “Why don’t you cry?”

“Because I’m weak.”

“Shouldn’t it be the other way?” Myungsoo let out a quiet laugh, but still, he was shaking. “You’re a lot stronger than I am.”

I couldn’t believe him. I still think he’s stronger than I am in every way. I felt blind, I felt like I didn’t have the ability to feel anymore. But with every moment I spent with Myungsoo, my senses were ignited. I felt alive again. I felt like I was breathing in fresh air.

My memories of Myungsoo wouldn’t ever become fuzzy, or fade away. I prayed that they would stay with me forever. I would play them in my head every time I could. They would be my escape for now.

If there was another moment I could live again, it’d have to be my mother’s funeral. There were viewings, filled with meeting some of her old friends and relatives I never knew. I stood by Myungsoo’s side the whole time. I didn’t know anyone else, and neither did he, and amongst a crowd of strangers, we couldn’t help but find comfort in someone we did know.

“Myungsoo, I really hate wearing this.” Myungsoo had lent me a black dress from his mom to wear at the viewings. It was a bit itchy, and I didn’t like the colour black.

Myungsoo nudged my arm, and I looked up at him. He didn’t meet my eyes and continued to look forward. “You look fine,” he murmured. I might’ve said the same thing to Myungsoo, but I imagined that the feeling of embarrassment would wash over me.

Myungsoo liked black. He wore black often, and as much as I didn’t like it, he always managed to send my heart flying. It was the one colour I thought fit Myungsoo best, but when the funeral came around, I almost forgot the sadness that surged through me.

He walked in through the door of the funeral home wearing a white button-up tucked into white pants. His hair was a bit disheveled, and his eyelids drooped. Even then, Myungsoo made me weak in the knees.

The colour of white represents innocence and purity. Goodness, cleanliness, peace, a fresh start. I hadn’t thought of how Myungsoo would look in white, considering he never wore it. But that day, it felt like…I was falling in love with him again.

When I remember Myungsoo now, I visualize him in that white shirt and white pants. He wore white shoes with clean laces that looped through. His smile matched perfectly. This innocent being I remember him as was the one I fell in love with. A boy with black hair and clear eyes. A pure, genuine smile and a laugh that could make anyone flustered. I love him. But I’m only in love with the teenage boy, Myungsoo.

An adult Myungsoo would be hard for me to picture. Would the two of us still be friends? Would we be more than friends? It hurt to imagine, but the reality I was going through was a lot more painful.

I thought that my father would’ve quieted down after my mother’s death. He did for a while, but soon enough, the two of us began to argue the way he did with my mother before. It scared me. I tried my hardest not to upset him. Over and over, he would find some kind of flaw in whatever I did.

My room wasn’t the safest place to be, but I was trapped there. There wasn’t anything that could make me go down and face my father. At the same time, I was terrified that he would come in (and the chances were high). Here I was, stuck in the smallest room on the second level of our house.

I used to spend my time alone before I met Myungsoo. I liked to be alone because I could imagine anything and everything without any distractions. It seemed like the more I stayed with Myungsoo, the less I…thought. Nothing but Myungsoo filled my mind.

I stopped counting the days I lived without Myungsoo. How long had it been since Myungsoo left? He didn’t tell me where he was off to, but he said he’d come back. How long have I been waiting for that day?

“Sorry, kid, I can’t stay for much longer.”

If there was a moment I could forget, it’d be when he told me this. I don’t remember it as well as I do everything else for the sole fact that it was when he said goodbye. It was a little bit fuzzy, but it still hurt the same way it did when he told me.

“What do you mean?”

“My family and I…” – his lips were trembling – “we’re moving out of the country.”

It took me a while to steady my breaths. We were at the park, barely moving back and forth on our swing seats. The moon was out, but I couldn’t see his face very well. I lifted my chin and saw the dark clouds looming over us. It was sad.

“So, does that mean I won’t see-”

“For a while, I don’t think we’ll see each other.” I caught a glimpse of him. His eyes were on me. “But I’ll definitely come back.” A sad smile was etched on his face.

I wonder now how long a while would be. But I think it’s been longer. If I could’ve stopped him from leaving, I would’ve. If that thought had even crossed my mind, I would’ve done it. The reality I could’ve been living if he was still here might have been happier.

Only…the reality I lived now was filled with regrets, memories, and a deteriorating amount of hope.

I like to think that the life I lived was something like a fairy tale. Every princess in those stories was troubled. They needed someone to save them, and that someone was their prince. Their knight in shining armor.

I was trapped in a room in a tall tower. My father was a dragon who inhabited it. My knight who was to save me was Myungsoo. Instead of shining armor, Myungsoo would be in all white. My white knight. My Myungsoo. Please save me.

Somehow, I still search for Myungsoo in the night. When my father is asleep, I slip out of bed and race down the stairs and dash out the door. The park seems to always be the first place I go to. The pale moonlight is not welcoming though. I’m too afraid to call out his name because it might sound different if I do.

Finally, that day had come. If I had known any sooner, I would’ve prepared my heart.

I was asleep to anyone who walked into my room, but I was wide awake. It was a bit cold. I didn’t know if my father had come back home from work. The sun had already set, and the moonlight was peering through the clouds.

My heart was racing as I heard a knock on the door from downstairs. The feeling of nervousness and fright coursed through my veins. I didn’t want to leave my room. I heard the door open (I couldn’t tell if it was because my father had opened it, or if that person had broken in). The creaks of the stairs as this person came up resonated through the house. My heartbeats accelerated. I clutched onto my thick blanket and hid beneath it.

Myungsoo. I need you now.

Another knock, but this time, it was on my door.

I buried my face into my blanket and let out a cry.

“Hey, kiddo…it’s me.”

My heart stopped.

“Open the door.”

I kicked the blanket off and slowly walked to the door.

“Myungsoo?”

“Yeah, kiddo?”

“Is this a dream?” I muttered as I took hold of the cold doorknob. Carefully, I turned it. The tears began to slide down my cheek when I heard the click of the door opening. Then, I was greeted by a smiling Myungsoo. My beloved.

“A dream?” Myungsoo took a step forward. “Reality?” He leaned down and took hold of my chin. “Whatever you want it to be.” He was wearing a white shirt and black pants. He looked at me with those clear eyes that I vividly remember. “As long as you don’t cry.” He kissed my tear-stained cheek.

“My-Myungsoo…”

“Hey, why are you crying?” he chuckled. Hearing his voice again felt like the ocean taking me in as I stood at the shore. His fingers caressed my cheek. “Don’t cry. You can’t cry anymore.”

Myungsoo had the same face, the same voice, the same touch. Was I dreaming?

“I’ve come to save you.”

Myungsoo’s hand wrapped around mine. His fingers fit right between mine. The pieces of the puzzle fit together now. Here Myungsoo was. Finally. There was no need for me to question it. All I had to do was take his hand and let him lead.

“Where are you taking me?”

“To a place where you won’t cry anymore. A place where we can make some more memories.”

“Myungsoo?”

“Hm?”

“I missed you.”

“I missed you, too, kiddo.”

A/N: Um, I REALLY at meeting deadlines. Which . Because I know that writers are constantly trying to meet deadlines (and I want to be...some kind...of writer, haha). Anyway, here is my third entry for this contest. I'm not so confident about this one, but oh well, this is all I can do now. Sit here and cry over my entry and let the judges choose. Ugh, but...Myungsoo...my white knight...ugh, man. I'd love for Myungsoo to come and save me from all this school work ;A; /sobbing forever bc Myungsoo won't come for me. Well, thank you for reading! Have a wonderful day/night! Gah, good luck to me...haha.