But she’s safe. And for now, I guess that’s enough.

 

N sat beside his bed with her on it, his hands wrapped around her limp arm, constantly caressing it. I decided to leave them alone and left with the sound of a small thud. They needed the space and time to talk, even if she doesn’t want to. 

 

I watched the boys paced around the living room. All six of them. It was small, with minimal furnishing, pale walls and a open concept kitchen. Then again, it wasn’t like I was never here before. The four of us however are rather composed. Sitting on the sofa while I sat on one of the chairs at the dining table. 

 

When I joined the other four girls and five other boys in the living room, two pair of them were on the couch, while another two were on the floor. He was leaning against a wall opposite me.The room was poorly lit, the lights in the kitchen flickered endlessly. How suiting for our current predicament. The dorm still reeked of gasoline, cooking gas? Whatever you call it.

 

” She is fine.” Nobody sighed in relief. 

 

Being a nurse has its perks you know. You wouldn’t have to call the hospital when a member of your club decides to abruptly end her life by whatever means she has access too. 

 

You see, the girl on N’s bed right now along with the four girls in the living room and me are part of the exclusive club. It was a club that was set up just for people like us. Most girls would dream of being a part of this extensive part of the KPOP world, but then again, they wouldn’t know about it in the first place. If you hadn’t guess by now, who and what we are. I am not surprised.

 

” What happened? ” Leo questioned,moving away from his spot against the wall and taking a seat beside me. I looked at him and the other members of VIXX. The girls stayed silent still, I wouldn’t blame them. I wouldn’t want to talk about it and I know Leo didn’t want to mention it anymore either.But we couldn’t dodge our responsibilities as the oldest members of our respective groups when our leaders are down. 

 

” Who would be happy if their boyfriend has to date on national television? ” I scoffed,” And with another idol too. ” Leo nodded.

 

” But still…why? Isn’t it too selfish of her? ” Hongbin spoke up from his corner in the living room. The girl beside him looked down on the floor. I glanced at him and felt my eyebrows furrow, is anger growing within me? He doesn’t understand. He isn’t one of us.

 

Leo placed his hand on mine and gave it a light squeeze. I could almost hear him say ” Keep your composure. “

 

How? 

 

She came barging into the living room. She looks dehydrated, puffy eyes, dried tear tracks streaked across her face.

 

She screeched at everyone. Nobody tried to restrain her, not even N. She screamed, how she was suppose to accept the fact that her boyfriend was dating another girl, how N was supposed to have a coffee date with her and not that female idol, how the only form of communication allowed was through fanmail. She wasn't crying but she would if she had any tears left. 

 

It wasn't her first time like this. Not in front of me. I had seen her bawl her eyes out till the point of exhaustion at three in the morning. I understand her. So did the four other girls in the room. Each of us is like a ticking time bomb, just waiting for a trigger to set us off. She was just the first to blow up. 

 

I glanced at Hongbin amdist the meltdown of the leaders.N was on his knees, she was in his restraint, finally. Fighting the resistant and winning, but barely. Hongbin seemed pale, is that anguish? Or is it just fatigue on his face. Then again,at this stage, everyone is tired.

 

I felt my vision shift to an awkward angle suddenly. It is like one of those times when you watch a fancam and the fan manages to drop her camera and the whole screen tilts and shakes. I felt myself fall, my limbs flailing and numb. I think I heard my head impact the floor with a loud thud but I wasn't sure because I was pulled into darkness at the same time.