He was just about to open the door of the older man's hotel room to leave. It had been so long since they'd seen each other, too long Ji thought. But he couldn't help feeling like this was how it was supposed to be. The feelings he thought had gone with all the crazy, busy things they were both involved in. Away from each other.

 

Seeing him again there, sitting at the edge of the bed, smiling at him, saying good night, Ji couldn't feel anything but sadness, and this mad, longing feeling he couldn't let go. Not just yet, not now. Not ever?

 

His hand was already at the door knob, when he knew there was no going back. No regrets. He had nothing to lose.

 

"Can I stay with you, Seunghyun?" he turned around, whispering quietly. There was no smiling, no answer. The older man's face was serious, but there in his eyes Ji could see the want, the fire burning inside. They'd both tried to hide it again today, like it was not there. But Ji knew better.

 

The older man looked him straight in the eyes, shaking his head quietly, covering his face with his other hand, gripping the edge of the bed with the other.

 

"Ji, we've been over this. It's... It's not good. We keep coming back...' the older man said with a shaky voice. He could feel tears burning behind his eyelids, so he just closed his eyes and tried not to think.

 

Ji had made his decision long ago, even before he asked, even before they'd met again. Before everything. He walked to the other man and stood there for a while, staring. But then he just couldn't resist it anymore. He put his shaking hands around the other man's neck, hugging him tightly, letting the man lean his head to his chest. Slowly the man's back with his fingers, trying to soothe him, take the pain away. He could feel the older man letting all of his barriers down, tears falling on his cheeks. Ji would've done anything to make it all go away, so he could just be there, for his lover, always.

 

"Can I stay with you, Seunghyun?" he asked again, but this time his voice was more clear, determined. Seunghyun shivered at that, taking hold of the other mans hands and pushing him a bit farther away. The older man's stare was so intense, when he finally looked up, straight to Ji's waiting eyes. He had a small smile on his lips, but his eyes were burning.

 

Shaking his head, Seunghyun said, with rasped, low voice. "Only for the night Ji, only tonight."