This past few weeks, everything had been so strange.

It had started with Hyesung's weird behaviour at the filming of the latest Shinhwa Broadcast episode, followed by the members kinda ignoring each other, because nobody knew, how to handle angry-Hyesung, who was obviously, since that day, avoiding them, and now Junjin wouldn't leave Eric alone.

This was already the third time this week that Junjin was pestering Eric about his love life.

„One last time, Junjin! I do not have a girlfriend and no, I'm not interested in a relationship either. Thanks for taking so much interest in my private life, but no, I don't want to meet anyone new either. I'm happy as it is, right now, that's right, being alone! I'm completely fine with that! Get it already!“, he didn't even know, how often he had told that, but he just wouldn't stop bothering him.
„Come on, Eric, there is someone who really really likes you and I'm sure you would als-“
„Junjin, whatever you're trying to do, don't! I don't want to meet any woman.“

The two of them looked at each other and for a moment Eric thought that his annoying friend had finally got it, but then he opened that mouth of his again and wouldn't let it go.

„How do you know, maybe you'll like that person.“
„I won't!“ Why wouldn't he just get it already?
„I'm sure you will!“
„Junjin please, you're so annoying...“, Eric sat down on his bed while taking of one of his socks.

Ah that's right, Junjin had been visiting him at his apartment every now and then to start the exact same conversation again and annoy Eric, until he would kick him out.

Eric was so tired. He had been working the whole day and he really had no nerves for Junjin right now.

Why was he even doing this? Eric didn't get it and Junjin wouldn't tell him either.

„Eric, just once, meet h-“
„I.dont.want.to.meet.a.woman!“, Eric repeated very slowly and looked at Junjin with a very serious expression."I.dont.want.to.I.am.not.AT.ALL.interested.in.any.woman.right.now!“

Eric just wanted to continue leading his silent and honestly sometimes lonely life, together with Gomdori and nobody else. s were already enough of a pain in the , there was no way he would be able to take the stress of a serious relationship right now.

„And what if I told you, that it isn't a woman?“, this time Junjin didn't have that smile on his face and Eric could not do anything else but take him serious.

„What do you mean?“

„I mean that the person I've been talking about all this time is a guy...“

A guy? Why would Junjin try to introduce a guy to Eric? He couldn't possibly know about Eric's preferences. Eric had never told anyone and every time he had something going with a guy he would be sure not to introduce him to anyone and keep him as far away from s as possible.

How the hell did he know?

„Why would you... why would you introduce a guy to me?“ Junjin noticed the weird shiver in Eric's voice and wasn't even confused by it. Eric probably had no idea, that Junjin knew about his... homouality.

„Because he likes you a lot and you probably like him too. I just want to help you guys...“
„I like him too? Do- Do I know him?“

What was this strange situation all of a sudden? Junjin should have said that sooner. He had been annoying Eric all this time, while talking around the bush. If he had said something about the person being a guy he knew sooner, Eric would have been more attentive to his jabbering.

Not that he was just going to date him because it was a guy, but Eric had the feeling that Junjin was seriously trying something there, knowing about his uality.

He didn't mind at all? That Eric was gay?

„Do I know him?“, Eric repeated but Junjin didn't answer.

He obviously didn't know what to say and couldn't even look Eric in the eyes.

Junjin was never like that. This behaviour was totally uncommon for him.

„Oh god...“, Eric suddenly realized and took a step back. „It's not you, right?“
„Hell no!“, Junjin couldn't believe that Eric would actually consider that.
„Then who is it?“
„I can't tell...“
„Ah, come on! How were you going to make us meet up, if I can't know who it is?“, Junjin had always been someone who didn't think anything through, but this was really very... funny.
„You can know when the two of you meet up, but I can't tell you beforehand. You'll see when the time comes.“
„What is this, some kinda game? I'm not playing along. Tell me who it is, or I ain't meeting nobody.“

Eric was definitely not going to fall for Junjin's little trick.

„Do you really not have any clue?“, Junjin asked and looked at Eric carefully. „What do you think? Isn't it obvious?“

For a moment the two of them looked silently at each other, keeping a safe distance from each other.

Actually Eric had an idea but... that just couldn't be.

It couldn't be Hyesung. Hyesung hated him, even if the lie detector had said otherwise, Hyesung didn't like him. He had never liked him... why would he suddenly feel something for him.

„No idea...“
„You definitely have an idea... you were just thinking about him, weren't you?“ Junjin took a step forward. „He's my best friend and I want to help him. Can't you at least meet him once and see how it goes... you like him too, don't you?“
„Junjin this is crazy. Hyesung and I can't possible have that kinda relationship.“
„Why not? You really don't have any feelings for him?“, Junjin seemed kinda desperate. „I know that you've always felt something special towards him.“
„Yes, I did, I do, but... just no...“
„Eric at least-“
„It's not that easy, Junjin!“ This was too much.

Eric didn't even have the time to probably think about what he had just gotten to know.

Hyesung felt that way towards him? Hyesung?

„This just ain't possible... no way“, Eric whispered to himself.
„It is. It's always been. Do you know how much that crazy guy likes you? I don't get it either, but that's how it is.“
„No way...“

Those feelings, Eric had already taken care of long ago. 

12 years ago Eric had been in love with Hyesung. That had been the first time Eric had actually realized that he liked guys instead of girls. It hadn't been that much of a shock, because he had never been a women-chaser anyway, but the big thing about that love had been the person he had fallen for. and friend Hyesung.

After three years of the worst lovesickness Eric had ever gotten to experience, he had finally been able to let go. The past 9 years he had lived a quiet and sometimes even boring and lonely life, but at least he didn't have to fall asleep while crying anymore. Sounded exaggerated, but that's how it is, when you have the guy you love more than anything in front of your ing face all the time and can't do anything, because you don't want to risk your great friendship.

„It's not possible, Junjin. Hyesung and I are fine the way it is right now. There shoudln't be any change.“
„Hyesung is not fine at all. He's liked you for so many years. Can't you at least give him a chance, if you are capable of loving men? You are, aren't you?“

Eric wasn't surprised by anything anymore. Junjin seemed to know everything, even that.

What was he? Some kinda psychic?

„He's loved you for 10 years, that idiot. Give him a chance, please...“

Eric stopped breathing for a moment.

10 years? So Hyesung had already fallen for him, when he had still been in love with him? Back then the both of them had liked each other back? And non of them had noticed the others feelings?

It was like a curse. Every time Eric thought about Hyesung too much, his heart would start beating like crazy, remembering the emotions he had felt for him back then. 

That guy was his curse!

Eric gripped the part of his shirt which covered his chest and tried to calm himself down.

Hyesung was seriously in love with him. Hyesung, his very first love, was in love with him?

„I see, you need to think about it. Please do, carefully! You don't want to hurt Hyesung, right?“, Junjin's eyes had that weird spark in them.

He really cared a lot.

Junjin was a great friend.

„And I'm pretty sure you don't want to keep on lying to yourself either, Eric“, he added as Eric's eyes widened at the look Junjin was giving him, like he had just taken a look inside his heart.

„The two of you can work out. Give it some time and... then go and tell Hyesung about your decision. I won't tell him anything about today's conversation. I'll let you do that.“ And with that, for the first time in the past few weeks, Junjin left on his own.

Eric heard his front door slowly closing as he still stood at the exact same place in front of his bed, still only with one sock on his feet and holding on to his chest probably.

What was he going to do?

~

When Eric had gone to find Hyesung in his apartment, a week after his and Junjin's talk, he had made the decision to tell him, that the two of them were not ever going to be more than friends and that Hyesung should get over him and find somebody else, but when Hyesung had opened the door and looked at him with those beautiful eyes, he just hadn't been able to bring himself to say anything to see them sad.

In the end he had just asked him for a glass of orange juice, saying Gomdori wanted some and had gone to his apartment again.

Eric was probably never going to talk to Hyesung about what really mattered. He just couldn't. He had always avoided having serious talks with him, because of his little heart disease, which only appeared in such situations, but this time he probably couldn't run away anymore.

He had someone keeping an eye on him after all.

Junjin just wouldn't leave him alone. That day he had seemed super cool and adult, telling Eric to handle it on his own, but on the next day he had already called to check, if Eric had actually been thinking about it.

„Ya, when are you going to do something? It's been a month!“, Junjin whispered in a harsh tone on the set of Happy Together and made sure that no other member heard them.
„It's not that easy. I need some time.“
„Get your act together already. That man has been waiting for 10 years!“
„He can wait another month!“

Eric got hit on the head by his dongsaeng and got shown that evil-look of Junjin's.

„He loves you, you love him! What exactly is your problem?“

„How do you know that I love him? I'm not sure, I do.“ Eric said seriously and couldn't believe when Junjin actually laughed at him for a second.
„Are you serious right now?! Don't even try to lie to me. Every time you look at Hyesung you have that look...“
„What look?“, Eric asked a bit scared that he had been too obvious the past few weeks.

That ing curse was going to reveal his feelings to everyone before he would even knoew them himself.

„The ´I love you so much, I just want to be with you´-look. Don't try to fool me, I know everything, you rascal“, Junjin looked at him with that amused smile of his and looked over to Hyesung for a moment, who was tinkering with his microphone. „He really has no hope at all. It's gonna be so amazing, seeing his face, when you finally confess to him. You need to invite me when that happens, I just can't miss that.“
„Not gonna happen!“ Both, the confession and Eric inviting Junjin to it, if it ever were to happen.

Eric just couldn't do it. He was a coward. There was no way he could just go to Hyesung and tell him about his feelings. Not like he even knew what he was feeling anyway.

Well yea right, his heart was beating like crazy every time he looked at Hyesung and since a few weeks ago he had started to wish to be closer to him again, but that was probably just because he had suddenly gotten confronted with Hyesung's feelings and his own already long forgotten emotions of love for him. It was just the past love he had felt for Hyesung, that kept lingering in his heart... right?

„I'll give you another week, if you won't do anything in that time, I will tell him“, Junjin said seriously and let go of Eric walking over to Hyesung.
„Hey, Junjin, you can't do tha-“, Eric had started to scream after him, but had to stop when he found Hyesung looking at him in confusion

...

~

For once Eric hadn't been thinking about Hyesung, when on one of his few days off the doorbell rang and Gomdori ran to the front door.

„Who is it?“, Eric shouted from the kitchen.
„It's me Hyesung.“

Eric stopped a few metres away from the door and kept staring at it.

What did he want? Hyesung never came to visit him. Junjin couldn't have possibly told him, right? It hasn't been a week yet. Eric still had two days left to talk to Hyesung, even if that wasn't going to happen. Junjin just couldn't break his promise like that.

„Coming“, Eric decided to play it cool and opened the door, leaning against the door frame to block the way.

He wasn't going to invite him in, he wanted this meeting to be as short as possible.

„What is it?“, Eric asked with crossed arms and Hyesung looked at him strangely, bending down to pick up Gomdori, who was jumping by his feet.
„Are you in a bad mood? I just came to tell you to turn on your phone. Your manager has been calling me for an hour already.“
„Oh...“, Eric grasped his handy from his pocket and looked at it. „No battery.“
„How typical of you“, Hyesung said with his usual mean tone „Always causing trouble for me. Have you been starving Gomdori? He looks horrible!“
„Hey“, Eric snatched his baby from Hyesung's arms and patted his head. „Gomdori is fine. Is there anything else you want?“

That guy was really in love with him?

Eric didn't think that Junjin was lying and somehow it made sense, but... he was still being a jerk. Junjin had said something about Hyesung suffering. This guy looked fine to him.

„What, you want to get rid of me already? I've just been here for a minute.“
„And I've already got enough of you“, Eric said, not really meaning it, but that just was how the two of them worked.

Hyesung showed his usual smile and was about to turn around and leave without saying anything, when Eric suddenly stopped him, grabbing his arm from behind.

It was true that Eric up until know hasn't had any intention to try to work things out with Hyesung, because deep inside his heart he was still, just like 12 years ago, afraid of destroying their relationship.

But in the moment Hyesung had just turned away from him and the pain Eric has felt while watching him do so, he had decided.

Screw his doubts! Screw the past month, which he had spend telling himself over and over again that the feeling he had for Hyesunf weren't love. Screw what everybody might thing about them! Screw how Junjin could have played a big joke on Eric, turning this into a huge lie! Screw everything!

„Let's watch the new Shinhwa Broadcast episode together. It'll air in twenty minutes.“

Hyesung looked at Eric quietly who was waiting for his response, when he felt Eric's hand tightening around his arm.

„Ehm... yea, okay. I was gonna watch it anyway. Let me change into something more comfortable. I'll come up right away, alright?“, Hyesung said and hadn't really thought about it before agreeing.
„Okay, see you soon“, Eric let go and the two of them looked at each other silently for a very short moment, until Hyesung nodded again and left for the stairs.

On his way back he immediately gripped his phone and called Junjin, who picked up only after about 10 seconds.

„Hey.“
„Jin-ah!“, Hyesung nearly screamed in the phone and hurried into his apartment, walking over to his bed. „Eric just invited me to watch TV together!“
„Ah, so he's gonna do it now, finally.“
„Do what?“, Hyesung asked confused.
„N-Nothing. So he asked you to watch TV together?“, Junjin successfully distracted Hyesung from his precious comment.
„Yea, what should I do? It's gonna be one hour of the two of us sitting next to each other... what should I do?“ Hyesung was breathing heavily, feeling his heart beating in his chest.
„Why are you so nervous? You've done that before, right?“
„Yea but... it's different now...
„Why?“
„I don't know... it feels like he knows something... I am probably just being paranoid again, but this is crazy!“
„You are crazy! Go and watch TV with him already.“ Junjin was about to hang up.
„Wait, don't hang up! Give me some advice. What do I do when Eric touches me?“ Hyesung heard Junjin laugh at the other end of the phone. „Hey, I'm in serious trouble right now.
„Why would he touch you all of a sudden? Just... just let him do it then. He's always holding your hand anyway.“
„Yea, but I told you, it's different now.“

Hyesung felt himself going mad as he thought about the two of them sitting together in that huge apartment of Eric's, just the two of them, together with Gomdori.

„I don't have time for this. Just go down and see what happens. Bye, Hyesungi“, he laughed again.
„What a great friend you are! Bye then.“
„Oh yes, I am. You'll know sooner or later“, with that the two of them hang up.

Hyesung quickly changed into his jogging pants and a black t-shirt, remembering how Eric had said once that the colour fit him just well, combed his hair and put on some face cream. He then went down, calmed himself down a little and rang the bell again.

The door opened within a second and there Eric stood, with Gomdori in his arm, like he hadn't moved at all for the past 10 minutes.

„What took you so long?“
„Someone called“, Hyesung said and followed Eric into his apartment.

Hyesung was surprised finding the livingroom table fully set with all kinds of snacks on it and three different kinds of drinks.

„Wow... you prepared a lot.“
„Me and Gomdori usually eat that much.“
„You obviuosly drink a lot, too“, Hyesung pointed at the two six-packs of beer and took one when he sat down on the floor in front of the table instead of on the sofa. 

The sofa made him nervous and the drink would help him to loosen up a little.

He quickly opened the first can and took a sip, looking at Eric, who was staring at him, not doing anything.

„You aren't going to sit?“

He sat down next to Hyesung on the floor, because it would have been weird to be the only one sitting on the sofa as he grasped a beer himself.

„You know what episode this is?“, Eric pointed at the TV.
„No idea...“
„The lie detector one.“

Hyesung nearly choked on the piece of chocolate he had just bite into, when he looked at the screen carefully and the intro started.

No way. Why would it be that episode, of all episodes?

Eric noticed that Hyesung was bothered and in a single second the atmosphere had turned even worse.

„You... were pretty angry that day. I shouldn't have asked those questions, I'm sorry.“
„You were joking, it's alright.“
„No, I also mean the other questions. About you never having been in a relationship and liking guys...“ Hyesung's eyes opened wide as he looked at Eric again.
„You asked all of those questions?“
„Yea, I was pretty surprised they picked them both.“

Hyesung couldn't help asking himself why Eric would ask all those questions. Eric was always teasing him, just like the other members, but those questions could be kinda serious, if the right person asked them.

„Why do you care? About my relationships, I mean?“, Hyesung asked carefully and looked at the screen again, remembering that horrible day.
„I just do.“
„Hm...“, Hyesung wasn't really satisfied with the answer, but there would have only been one satisfying answer anyway and that would have been Eric admitting that he loved him, which was ridiculous.

The two of them continued to watch the Shinhwa Broadcast episode for the next 10 minutes without saying anything, passing each other some of the snacks and feeding Gomdori cheese, when the questioning finally started and Junjin was the first one to get connected to the lie detector.

„He's really great... annoying but great“, Eric said all of a sudden and Hyesung looked at him, not getting what he meant. „Junjin is a great friend. You should be happy to have him.“
„I am...“

What was Eric talking about?

Hyesung turned to the TV again, still confused. He saw Eric's reflection in the TV screen, watching Junjin carefully, like he was thinking about something related to him.

Suddenly it hit Hyesung really hard and he was about to drop his can of beer, but Eric catched it just in time.

„What is it? Be careful“, Eric said and put the can on the table, but Hyesung didn't answer.

Junjin couldn't have possibly talked to Eric, right? Junjin had said that he would help him with Eric and... no way.

„D-Did Junjin talk to you? About me?“, Hyesung asked and looked at Eric again, who was now the one quietly looking back at Hyesung. „Did he say anything about me and... my... feelings?“

Eric looked on his feet and scratched his head nervously when Hyesung couldn't believe it and covered his mouth with his hand.

„I can't bvelieve it... he told you, didn't he?“
„Yea, he did...“
„No way, that !“, Hyesung shouted at Junjin, who wasn't even present at that moment. „How could he? He knows how serious this is, how could he just...“

Eric didn't say anything and just waited for Hyesung to calm down which didn't happen too fast. 

„How much exactly did he tell you?“, Hyesung asked and for the first time Eric said something about it.
„That it's been ten years and that he just wants to help you.“
„Oh wow, he did a great job helping.“
„Actually he did“, Eric admitted and looked at Hyesung carefully. „I... want to talk to you... about that... that's why I invited you.“
„No, Eric, I...“, Hyesung stood up.

He didn't want to hear it. He didn't want to be rejected. Hyesung already knew exactly, what Eric was going to say. That the both of them were friends, Eric didn't feel that way towards him, he never would and they should just stay friends.

Hyesung didn't want to hear it. He already knew that without having to hear it.

„Wait, please... let me talk to you.“
„No.“ Hyesung walked to the front door, even starting to run, when Eric was faster and gripped his arm again.
„Let me talk. I've thought about this a lot and I need to tell you now. I want to tell you about my feelings!“
„I don't want to hear. Please, Eric, just let me go and... pretend that this never happened, that Junjin never talked to you... please!“, Hyesung couldn't bring himself to look at Eric.

He was so ashamed, so embarrassed and so sad at the same time.

The fact that he was never going to have Eric, he had already known from the beginning, but finally being confronted with it was so much more horrific than he would have ever thought.

„Hyesung, listen to me!“
„No, Eric, I don-“
„Hyesung, I want to be with you!“, Eric nearly shouted.

Hyesung's heart stopped for a second when their eyes met.

„What?“, he asked not being sure if he had heard him right.
„I want to be with you, Hyesung... I feel the same way about you.“

Eric let go of Hyesung who had finally stopped trying to get away.

„And now, listen to me.“