Heechul stared blankly out the small plane window. Planes were the one thing he despised. Planes meant the members could sleep to their next destination. Sleep was the one thing that Heechul had learned to live without. On this flight to Japan he was the only person awake in first class. His mind would never shut off. Too many thoughts would swirl through his mind. No matter what he did to try and stop himself he would always think about Hangeng.

            It had been over three years since Hangeng had left and nothing could end the pain in Heechul’s heart. Three years ago Heechul had lost his best friend and lover. It had felt like half of his soul was ripped out. Heechul wasn’t a religious man but everyday he prayed that Hangeng would come back into his life. Heechul made a silent deal with himself, if this supposed “God” answered his prayers and put Hangeng back into his life he would try out church and religion with Siwon.

            Heechul smirked and rolled his eyes at that ridiculous notion. There was no way he was going to church with Siwon, because there was no God that answered prayers. He shook his head in an attempt to clear all thoughts of the Chinaman. He opted to admire the sleeping angel next to him. Leeteuk was the only person that had made him feel remotely better after Hangeng left. He felt bad for taking advantage of Leeteuk, but at the same time he didn’t because Leeteuk was the one that had offered. For a while it had been to make Heechul feel better, then it turned into hatred , then finally to just . However, now that Kangin was back Heechul wouldn’t tough Leeteuk. He knew Kangin could punch his face in and feel little remorse.

Your defenses were on high
Your walls built deep inside
Yeah I'm a selfish bastard
But at least I'm not alone

            Heechul sighed. Everyone had their respective partners; Leeteuk and Kangin, Yesung and Ryeowook, Donghae and Eunhyuk, Sungmin and Kyuhyun, Siwon and Kibum-even though Kibum had left the band, Shindong and Nari, and even Zhoumi and Henry. Heechul was alone. A stray tear made a trail down Heechul’s left cheek. He quickly brushed it away. He couldn’t let anyone see him crying. All of his friends thought that he had gotten over Hangeng. That wasn’t the case. He had just gotten so good at acting like there was nothing wrong that everyone believed him.

            Somehow time had flown by and the plane landed in Japan. The hustle and bustle of getting belongings, getting off the plane, and getting out of the airport would distract Heechul from his vicious mind. The typical crowd of screaming fans could be heard before they were seen. Heechul put on his sunglasses to hide his tired, red, and puffy eyes. For the most part Super Junior’s diva kept his head down and was close to Siwon; trying to hide from fangirls and the few fanboys, and the paparazzi. Heechul made it to one of their vans. He sat behind their driver while their manager, Siwon, Leeteuk, Kangin, and Shindong piled in after.            

            Of course while on the way to the hotel Shindong complained of being hungry. Seriously, when wasn’t he hungry? But Heechul loved him nonetheless. Their manager promised that he would treat them to lunch after they got all of the things settled in their hotel rooms. Cheers erupted from everyone in the van. Kangin shouted from the back, “Time to get drunk!” This earned him a threatening glare from their manager. Heechul tried his best not to laugh. Kangin must have read his mind because at lunch he was planning on drinking as much alcohol as possible.

            Heechul got to his room and put his bag down on the bed closest to the window. Shortly after Kyuhyun entered the room, lugged down with all his gaming equipment. Although he would never admit or show it, Heechul was glad that Kyuhyun was his roommate for this trip. Kyuhyun did care for him, but he also knew when to mind his own business. Heechul was very thankful for that. His evil protégé was his pride and joy. Not really, but close enough right? No sooner had Kyuhyun set his baggage down then he was on his laptop playing Star Craft. Heechul let a small smile cross his face. Nothing would faze Kyuhyun and his need to play Star Craft. As quickly as the smile crossed Heechul’s flawlessly pale face it went away. Something that didn’t go unnoticed by Kyuhyun.

            “Heechul-ah,” Kyuhyun started, looking up from his game, “I’m here if you need to vent or anything.”

            “You brat. I’m your hyung, show some respect.” Hecchul walked to the bathroom to hide the tears in his eyes. Kyuhyun really did need to respect him, but at the same time he learned from the best, Kim Heechul.

My intentions never change
What I wanted stays the same
And I know what I should do
it's time to set myself on fire
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?

            Soon enough they were all in the vans again and in search of a place to eat so Shindong wouldn’t eat the nearest person, which happened to be Ryeowook. Finally they all settled on a ramyun place. They were seated in a back room so they could all be together and out of the public eye while they ate. Heechul found himself sitting between Leetuek and Shindong. Orders were placed and drinks were served. Heechul quickly reached for a bottle of beer. By the time the ramyun was served Heechul had drank a whole bottle by himself, and he was working on a second bottle. He was mildly entertained by Leeteuk acting like a mother telling Heechul and Kangin not to drink too much, telling Kyuhyun to stop teasing Sungmin, and yelling a Shindong to slow down while eating and to not steal other people’s food.

            Shindong had taken Heechul’s bowl of ramyun after he inhaled his own bowl. Not like Heechul minded. He didn’t feel like eating, only drinking. Soon enough he had finished three bottles of beer by himself, on an empty stomach. He was quite buzzed, to say the least. He mumbled something about going to the bathroom and stumbled his way there.

            When he made it to the bathroom he went directly to the sink and the cold water. He cupped his hands to catch the water, and then brought his hands up to his face. His shirt got a tad wet, but he didn’t care. After the water had dropped from his hands and face back into the sink he rubbed his face a few times to try and clear his never-ending thoughts.

            “Chulie, is that you?” A voice asked from behind Heechul. Heechul stopped rubbing his face and slowly lifted his head up to look in the mirror. Who Heechul saw made his knees buckle, and he grabbed the sink to hold himself up. The person standing behind him was none other than Hangeng. Heechul just stared at him through the mirror in disbelief.

            “Heechul, are you okay?” Hangeng asked stepping forward, but still maintaining his distance.

Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
Your reflection I've erased
Like a thousand burned out yesterdays
Believe me when I say goodbye forever
Is for good
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?

            “You…you’re not real. You’re just a cruel hallucination.” Heechul said to himself. He shut his eyes tight in order to make this hallucination go away.

            “I’m real.” Hangeng said. He wrapped his arms around Heechul’s waist. “You can feel this. This is real, Chulie.” Heechul turned around and brought his arms around Hangeng’s neck, trying to pull the Chinaman even closer.

            “I’m never letting go.” Heechul stated, tears overflowing from his eyes and hitting Hangeng’s shoulder.

            “Chulie, are you crying?”

            “So what if I am? I haven’t seen or heard from you in three years. I think I have a right to cry.”

            “Still as feisty as ever. You haven’t changed.” Hangeng softly smiled. “I’ve missed you. Chulie, I think about you every day.”

            “Then why did you leave me with absolutely no warning? Did I mean that little to you?”

            “No. You mean the world to me, Kim Heechul. I had to leave that way or I never would have left, because of you.”

            “Would that have been such a bad thing?” Heechul asked pulling away, only slightly, from Hangeng’s embrace.

            “Yes and no. Heechul, I was miserable in that contract. Because of it I was slowly dying literally. I had to leave. I would have stayed for you, but it would be for nothing if I would have died and left you forever. At least this way we might be able to see each other, like this.”

            “Come back then. After you, Junsu, Yoochun, and Jaejoong left it’s gotten better. Please. Come back.”

Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?

            “I tried, Rella. They won’t take me back. I’ve tried a lot to come back and see you, but it never works out. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything.” Hangeng pulled Heechul into a strong and protective hug. One that felt like Hangeng was saying he would never let Heechul go.

            Heechul could feel his eyes growing heavy. All that beer and now being in the arms he had missed so much were making him sleepy. He decided to give into his body and close his eyes. He took a deep breath, in Hangeng’s scent that was all too familiar. It was a smell that Heechul wouldn’t let go away. When he was in Korea he would buy bottles of Hangeng’s favorite cologne and spray it on his pillow. It surely wasn’t healthy, Heechul knew that, but he had to do it if he wanted to get at least some sleep.

            When Heechul opened his eyes he found he was in his bed in the hotel. Kyuhyun was yelling at his game and there was sunlight streaming through the partially open curtain. In his hand there was a picture of Hangeng and him that he had never seen before. Heechul slowly sat up in bed trying to make sense of what had happened. Kyuhyun noticed that Heechul was awake.

Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
(A photograph of you and I)
Was it a dream?
Was it a dream?

            “Finally. You’ve been asleep for fourteen hours!”

            “What happened?”

            “You came back from the bathroom in the restaurant and just passed out at the table.”

            “Where did this come from?” Heechul asked, holding up the photo of him and Hangeng.

            “No clue, maybe a fan?”

            “But I didn’t take anything from fans at the airport.”

            “Then no idea. Sorry.” Kyuhyun returned to his game.

            Was it all just a dream?

Is this the only evidence that proves it
A photograph of you and I
A photograph of you and I
A photograph of you and I... in love...