I heard a knock on the door and when I opened it, I found a palace maid infront of me.

"Yes?" I asked confused.

"Milady wants to talk to you." The maid replied.

I felt sharp fear overcome me.

"D-do you know w-why?" I stuttered.

"I do not."

"I'll come out." I replied quietly and I closed the door.

"I'm going to go out for alittle while." I called to my parents as I put on warmer clothing.

"Alright!"

I opened the door and stepped out into the cold day. I followed the maid over to the carriage.

"Come inside dear."

I looked up at Wu Fan's mother. I hadn't seen her in a few days but she already looked so aged.

"I ... I musn't." I replied and quickly looked down.

"Are you refusing me?"

"No ..."

"Then come inside."

The maid helped me inside the carriage. I sat across from Wu fan's mother and I looked at the ground. The carriage jerked forward and I felt a pit of nervousness in my stomach.

"Do you love Wu Fan?" Wu Fan's mother said.

"Yes ... I do." I replied.

I could feel her look at me and I fidgeted.

"There's no need to be nervous."

"I'm sorry, milady."

"I know you and Wu Fan have been meeting. I want both of you to stop right now."

"Is there a reason?" I suddenly asked.

I bit my lip as I said what was in my mind, what was wrong with me?

"I'm sor-" I was cut off as she answered me.

"I'm going to tell you a secret and you are to not tell anyone."

"Of course."

"I ... I made a deal, long time ago. It was a foolish decision. It was with Luhan's father."

Who was Luhan? I wanted to ask her but I didn't want to disturb her story. I will probably hear about her later.

"He was in love with me but I couldn't feel the same. I was in love with Wu Fan's father, the thing was I was engaged to Luhan's father. He knew this and so he proposed that he would let me go if I got my first child to marry off his own first."

I felt goosebumps along my arm and I shivered. That would mean that Wu Fan will marry Luhan?

"I agreed to it because I was blinded by love and I couldn't think of the future." "What would happen if Wu Fan didn't?" I whispered.

"They will kill him."

I covered my mouth in horror. That was going too far.

"How do I know you didn't scheme this?" I whispered.

Wu Fan's mother called the carriage to a stop. She stepped out to the ground and I looked at her confused and scared. Suddenly she got onto the ground and bowed low to me.

"I'm begging you, I didn't make this up."

I felt tears slip my eyes at the sight.

"Get up." I said turning away and wiping my eyes.

She got back into the carriage and I wiped away the debris from her skirt.

"My dear, I would let Wu Fan love you if I didn't make that little mistake."

More tears come out of my eyes. I looked at her face.

"I'm pregnant." I whispered.

Wu Fan's mothers eyes widened and I couldn't predict what she was going to do, but she patted my shoulder .

"You may not be able to marry Wu Fan but I know who you can."

"What?"

"Wu Fan's half brother, Yixing."

I looked at her shocked. They were half brothers!? I didn't feel like I should ask who Yixing's father was, it must be had been personal if she had a child with another person other than with Wu Fan's father.

"Does Yixing even know about this?" I asked. "He does, I actually told him to follow you but .... now, he's told me your a very important person to him. In just a few days too ....."

I was speechless. So all those kindness was because he had to follow me around, I felt like I couldn't really trust Yixing anymore.

"Thank you but .... I don't .... Wu Fan ... he'll feel so bretrayed, I can't do that to him." I said. 

"As you wish then."

Then as if on time we stopped infront of my house. I got out of the carriage and bowed.

"Thank you." I said and turned away feeling alittle numb.

I opened the front door and I went to my room. Today, I'm suppose to meet Wu Fan. What am I suppose to tell him? I allowed some tears to fall down but I quickly wiped them. I've cried to much, I needed to straighten up. Suddenly somebody knocked onto the door.

"Yes?" I called.

"Its me." My mother called.

My mother opened the door.

"Where did you go? You came in so quiet." My mother asked.

"I just went walking around alittle bit, I guess the cold just got at me." I forced a smile.

My mom looked unsure but she nodded.

"Don't forget to keep yourself warm, tell me or your father if you need anything."

"I will."

My mother closed the door and I started to brush my long dark hair.

                                                                                              ~

I crept out into the darkness and walked over to the secret garden. Dread filled me more as I took those last steps to seeing Wu Fan. I slipped inside the secret garden, I looked around for any signs of Wu Fan but I couldn't see any. Was he late? I let out a soft sigh.

I suddenly felt so fatigued and my head pounded slightly.

"Joonmi?" A voice called.

I turned and saw Wu Fan, I wanted to cry just seeing him but I didn't and held them back.

"Hello ..." I replied back.

Wu Fan walked to me and I stood where I was not moving.

"Are you okay?" Wu Fan asked.

"I-I don't think we should meet anymore." I said and turned away.

"What? What are you talking about?" Wu Fan asked. "Are we on this again?"

"I'm serious!" I cried.

"But why? Why are you being-"

"I'm pregnant with Yixing's child." I blurted out of nowhere.

"Wh-what?" Wu Fan said weakly. "B-but I just met you a few days ... ago ..."

"I-I've .... I've been having an affair." I whispered painfully. "For about a month now, I just can't deal with the guilt now."

Wu Fan looked at me with disbelief and pain. I then wanted to tell him it was a joke but I couldn't put my selfishness infront of Wu Fan's life.

"I'm sor-" I started but Wu Fan cut me off.

"This isn't like you ... I thought we loved each other."

I do.

"I dont." I replied not looking at him.

I now felt like crying but I couldn't or else Wu Fan would find out. 

"Look at me and say it then ...."

I mentally took a deep breath. I looked at him.

"I never loved you." I said and my eyes started to protest and water.

I turned quickly and started to walk away, Wu fan stopped me but not physically.

"I love you still ....."

I stopped and I covered my mouth. A few tears escaped from my eyes. I do too! I wanted to yell. I heard Wu Fan's steps walk away and I turned around quickly to see him. His retreating figure was the last thing I saw. I felt my heart ache and I broke down crying as loudly as I could.

"I .... love .... you ... too!" I said between cries.

I wanted Wu Fan to run back, to hold me, to let me love him. I already missed him so much. No matter how much I tried to stop crying, I couldn't. I walked away from the garden and I felt every step I took was taking me farther and farther from Wu Fan. In truth it did.

                                                                                         ~

I saw Yixing a few days later and I walked up to him.

"Ah! Joonmi!" Yixing smiled.

How could he smile like that? I didn't bother to smile.

"Are you okay?" Yixing asked peering into my face.

"Is the wedding offer still there?" I asked quietly.

Yixing looked at me silent.

"Of course." Yixing replied.

He hugged me and I slowly brought my hands up and held his shirt.

"Thank you, so much." I said.

I no longer really cared about myself, it was the child in me, Wu Fan's child, who was my first priority now.

"Why though?" Yixing asked.

"I'm pregnant."

Yixing pulled away and looked at me. Suddenly Yixing smiled gently.

"Let's make a wonderful family then." Yixing said.

I haven't felt hope in a long time and I finally smiled.

"Yes ..."