001.

You wear a grey sweater today, you look so sweet as always. Watching you walking alone, with earpieces on both of your ears, I wonder what kind of music you are listening to now.

Two days ago you wore a white jacket with black lines horizontally in right side, you chased your teacher while holding some papers on your hand. I bet it was examination papers.

Five days ago, when you had a friendly soccer match between classes you wore a red hoodie and covered up your head with its cappuchon. You laughed with one of your friend which I know named Hyunsik.

“What are you looking at?” ask Chorong—she gave a gaze on me. I smiled, “Nope. Let’s go.”

002.

Tuesday you smiled with your closed eyes, gave your best respond toward Hyunsik’s joke that I guessed so funny, even you forgot about the ice blocks of your lovely iced americano coffee in front of you is almost fully melted. But in a second, after the long laughed, you took the cup, and drink that liquid and threw the empty cup to the dustbin. I know you love your iced americano coffee the best among other kind of coffees.

Three days ago, you only sat there. Did nothing but playing with straw. You didn’t eat anything, neither drink any coffee. I wonder why. Did you go on diet that day?

I saw you sat there a week ago, chewed rice cake for your lunch and had a conversation with Hyunsik and his girlfriend. I know it was Chorong—my deskmate—who actually sat next to Hyunsik. Oh dear, why did you sit between a couple?

This morning you dropped youself at canteen to buy a bottle of mineral water. You gulped it in oneshot. I don’t know what did you do but you seemed so exhausted. And the sweaty you, made my day.

003.

This Wednesday you entered library, room next to my class. you walked as a wind, not even recognise my presence, who stood in front of the class, near the door, just to watch you walked pass my class. Oh, sorry, I admit it. I wasn’t brave enough to see your face.

Yesterday, we passed the coridor together. I was going to go to science laboratory and you went out from your class. I remembered how Hyunsik called me just to ensure himself that he got my name correctly. I stood there, smiled to Hyunsik. Oh, I wish you would give me smile and recognise that I was there.

Nine days ago, a round thing called ball you played with your friends rolled to my side. So I threw the ball out, towards Minhyuk—not you. Once again, I wasn’t brave enough to do that. If only you were the one who asked me to give the ball.

004.

You ran so fast, like reaching your class as soon as you can was the only thing on your mind, at that time. Didn’t you know that your facial expression when you were in hurry is a funny thing I found it in you. Well, another one. Especially our pouty lips.

Before it, you come late, I saw you behind the gate. Stood with two hands lifted in your chest.

“You are cute.” I talked to my self.

Chorong heard it, and asked, “Who? Who?”

I shook my head, “No one. Eh, have you finished Physics homework? Let me copy it.”

Thirteen days ago, I remembered that we reached school almost in the same timing. Two minutes, twelve seconds. It was the lap we entered the gate. I don’t say that we’re meant to be. But I can say that I was very happy, walked three steps behind you. Looking at your charming back.

005.

Friday you practiced your soccer skills with your other friends from a team, at the same time—at 4.10 p.m. You might didn’t realise that the long sleeves tee you wore before you changed it into white jersey of your soccer team was very suit on you. And with that smiled I like the most.

The next day, I found you walk with bandaged left leg. You twisted your ankle because you did too much for practicing. Oh dear, why don’t you take a little rest and stop forcing yourself too much for this year tournament? Your tiny scar would made me worrying a lot—or maybe too much.

“Oh, are you okay?” I asked, when you passed me in your way to canteen. You grinned. I pointed your bandaged leg.

You smiled and said, “Oh, sure. It’s just a thing.”

“Ah.”

006.

Saturday must be your favourit day out of a week. Nami Island was your destination for study trip with your classmate this week. I know it was study trip, means that you are not only go on trip but also doing some research or something that you had to submit to get a score for the next term examination. You needed to go there in early morning, made me worry. I know you went there with teachers, by bus and with friends. But I guess, I just didn’t want to miss you that bad. I don’t want you go because school must be boring if there weren’t you there.

I’ve already told myself to put away all the worries. My heart was pounding. Knowing you would be hundreds miles away from me, and I couldn’t watching you, didn’t know are you doing well or not seemed torturing me.

“You look weird. What’s wrong?” asked Chorong.

I shook my head, “Oh, nope.”

“You liar.”

“What?”

Chorong pointed out her index finger to the book in my desk. I was shocked when I saw there were a lot of his name. Chorong looked at me with her sharp gazes, “Tell me the truth.”

I sighed, “Yeah, you know. It’s kinda weird to admit it in front of you but.. yeah, you know what I mean, right?”

Chorong laughed, and punched my left arm, “You like him.”

“Uh. Something like that.”

Chorong tapped my shoulder, “Hei, Bomi-a. You look so mesmerized. And for your information, I observed you these days, and all I see is Changsub. I’m gonna tell it to Hyunsik.”

“Stop it, Park Chorong. Don’t you dare!”

Chorong teased me once again, “I saw Changsub everytime I look at your eyes. Oh Bomi-a, you must be love him so much..”

“Chorong, stop it!”

007.

Sunday.

The end of a week. The end of all the hopes toward the feeling I lean on you. Finally, I considered it as the end—the obvious way, even you showed it indirectly but sure. I couldn’t continue this .

Loving someone who already has his half isn’t a right thing. Or maybe putting Changsub at first place is something I shouldn’t do.

You got a girlfriend since after you back from Nami Island. She’s pretty. She is good at singing. Her smile is so beautiful. I was nothing compare to her.

But, Changsub...

Today is your birthday, right?

Happy birthday, Lee Changsub.

I love you. I will love you, in my own way.

If I found you—the one who shines the most—among thousands nice guys in this school with my own simple way, I will always love you simply because you are the only one for me.

Yoon Bomi is Yoon Bomi. Jung Eunji is Jung Eunji. Me is me, your girlfriend is your girlfriend. It would never be the same. Because I simply love you.

Love that will never stop growing everyday. Love that no need for you to keep, because I will be the one who keep you in. Love that no need for you hold, because I would never fall from the place I watched you. A simple love. One-sided love.

A painful love.

Lee Changsub, happy birthday.