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Coffee Affect

The shinee boys were rehearsing for hello.

All of them was tired,suddenly the door swings open

 

 

"Raina's back!" Taemin and key said in union

 

I set the coffee and bagels,that i bought for them on the table.each member giving me hugs and high fives as they pass me by.

 

Everyone was at the table,eating happily.

Everyone except for Jonghyun.

 

 

I walked up to him,who was looking down at the ground.It was a awkard silence.I was about to say something,when suddenly he looks up,grabs me and covers his lips with mine.After breaking away from the kiss he hugs me tightly.

 

"I missed you."he breathed in my ear.

"I missed you too." I said back

"don't you want some coffee" I asked looking at the others.

"Coffee has no affect on me the way you do" he aanswered back

 

I kissed his droopy eyelinds,before turning around to the others,that was still eating happily. I yelled "Okay,breaks over,lets dance."Everyone groaned before getting in their positions.

 

Even though i wasn't part of shinee,or the staff ,I got up on the stage with them,and started dancing like crazy,while laughing.Trying to mimick Jonghyun and Minho.Seeing my bad attempt of dancing,they started to laugh.

 

This was nice.Being around so many people that cared about me.I wasn't just jonghyun's girlfriend,but a family member.I hugged myself,enjoying the feeling i was having.

 

"Hey Raina check out this new move" Taemin called

"Coming"

 

 

 

(a/n) well that's it,my first story. i hope you guys liked it,if not any suggestion,sorry for misspells.

comment pleeeeeasee.

 

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Bettina #1
Chapter 1: Oh! And its good that you know that every time there's a new speaker, you make a new paragraph. That's something that most people forget when they write stories.. That's actually a rule, but you probably know that xD just like the comment before mine said: details. Its more interesting if you describe something a lot more, but you shouldn't over describe things like the writer does in the Twilight series ( its not that i hate the book its just an example xD ) I read 4 whole pages just describing Edward's room. Your descriptions shouldn't be that long but its good so the reader can imagine the story better
Bettina #2
Chapter 1: This is just some creative criticism okay??
Well, the story is pretty good but there's still something lacking. There are some grammatical errors but not alot of people will notice it except those who are experienced in writing. You need to describe things a bit more. For a one-shot its at a decent length but sometimes its better to have it longer. There was also, like, 2-3 spelling mistakes but that can be easily fixed right?? You also need to capitalize somethings in your story. Capitalization has this effect that makes the story better. You might not see it but it's good to have someone proof read it so that you can make it better..

THIS WAS A VERY CUTE STORY BTW!! I REALLY LIKED IT!! This is very good considering that english isn't your first language.. ( Tagalog ung una mong salita diba?? ) Keep practicing!! You'll get even better xD
rainiee #3
Chapter 1: Before I start on the story, you should capitalize your title. This doesn't affect the story in anyway whatsoever, but it does affect the attractiveness of it.

- Capitalization. Like the title, the capitalization is VERY important. It gives the sentence the appearance of proper structure.
- Your font sizes I suggest to be the same size. This is just to make it more appealing to the reader's eye, as well as how it makes it a bit more easier to read.
- Punctuation. If you're not good at punctuation, you can always Google how-to's and rules of punctuation. The punctuation makes the story flow with so much more ease.

As for your plot, it's good. It's quite cute, actually. For a one shot, it's a decent length. But to make it longer you could add description. For example; "I walked down the empty hall" could be "The hall was empty and not a soul could be found as I walked down."

I'm not an expert or anything, but this is just what I think. If you want anymore help, I'll be willing to help anytime :)
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