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Arisu POV

We were in one of many dark alleys of Seoul, frightened that if anyone would find us, it could be the end of both of us. As he got more and more popular our relationship was getting more and more complicated. But isn’t the forbidden fruit the sweetest? To be honest, I knew this was going to happen at some point or another, he never was a strong person. I couldn't expect from him to withstand such pressure for a longer period of time.

“You know there’s no way we can be together like this! This is crazy! “ he whispered angrily „I can’t go on like this. This is getting dangerous.”

“But isn’t this fun to be hiding like we’re doing something illegal? “I said jokingly but my heart was breaking, I already knew what he's going to say.

“Because we do! “ he hissed, piercing me with his ice-cold gaze “You know as well as I do that in my contract stands that I can’t date any girl in general”

“I’m not just any girl. You said it by yourself in the beginning, that you’ll do anything to keep being with me, didn’t you? You wanted all of this. I just got along with it. “ I was getting angry at him. He was the one who started this and now he just wanted to break things up, because it’s gotten harder. This stupid jerk.
He couldn’t look me in the eye and say that he didn't love me and he wanted to finish this as soon as possible. I know this. He’s not that type of guy, he was just scared. Too bad he had to hurt me in order to protect his own .

“This is the end. I’m sorry. “ he said weakly, like he was about to cry.

“You’re sure that’s what you want?” I said calmly trying not to show how much I was hurting.

“Yes “ he said after a while. I could hear pain in his voice but at that time everything he did seemed fake

“Fine then. “ I took a deep breath “ Let’s pretend that I've never met you, we have never talked. I’ll forget that you exist… I hope you’ll be finally happy. Take care, Jeongmin.” I said and walked away. Just like that. I knew I couldn’t turn back. In first place, he needed to work things out with himself. He still didn't know what he wanted, but for sure he wanted something really badly.
I locked those memories deep down in my mind, to keep him just the way I've seen him till that moment.

Jeongmin POV

Tears were falling down my face as she walked away. My heart was ripping into pieces but she was so cool until very end. That’s what I liked about her the most – no matter how much in pain she was, she always had that poker face on. You could never know what was going on in her head until she's told you. I loved her, but I had to give up on her.
I pulled hood over my head and walked back to our dorm. My thoughts were gloomy, I couldn't think straight, everything suddenly seemed so unimportant. My heart was in pieces and I didn't care anymore about what was going to happen to me.

“Hey, are you alright? “ Hyunseong poked my shoulder to bring me back to reality “You look lifeless. Did something happened when you were out?”

“No, no, I’m alright. “ I put on a fake smile. “ I was just thinking about something”

“What were you thinking about then?” he had a concerned look on his face

“Nothing important. Just… some things. “ I wished he could just leave it . but I knew he smelled something weird. Oh God, he won’t leave me alone. Why was he the first person I met after this?!

“You’re bad liar “ he grimaced. “You should put some ice on your face, your eyes are really puffy and I can clearly see the tracks of your tears. We’re going to have the talk later.”
It was the worst scenario I could think of how this would develop – Hyunseong finding out about my relationship with Arisu. He was my best friend, I couldn't lie to him because he knew right away when I wasn't telling him the truth.

When I was on the rooftop of our dorm I felt like there’s nothing I couldn't do, but in the same time I felt extremely lonely. I could just stare at the stars and travel with them through galaxies .

“Now, tell me what happened? “ Hyunseong sat down beside me.

“It’s quite complicated “ I sighed “ Let’s just say that I did something incredibly stupid.” I tried to tell him as little as possible

“You know you can trust me. I won’t tell anyone. You also know a lot of my secrets “ he said

“I… “ I tried to find words to describe what I've just done but there weren’t any words accurate enough in dictionary to do this, so I decided to make it simple “ I broke up with a girl that I’ve loved and been with for almost 4 years, because I got scared of what will happen if our manager finds out. “ I looked at Hyunseong. He sat speechless for a while, I guess he was trying to process what I've said to him.

“Do you feel better now? I mean, after breaking up.” he finally spoke up but he still looked confused and shocked.

“No… and the worst thing about this is that even when we broke up she acted so cool. Like nothing could touch her. Not even splitting up with the person she loves. “Let’s pretend that I've never met you”. “ I laughed hysterically. “Maybe she was too cool for love from the beginning.” I covered my face with hands so he wouldn't see in how much in pain I was.

“So what are you going to do now? Hide in here for next two weeks and sing “Bad Woman” nonstop? Since you broke up with her you had to know what you were doing, right? You had to know you were going to break your heart with your own hands. Now you have two options: die from lovesickness or move on…” he sighed, I could feel that he was irritated with my stupid behavior. “Have you ever told her that you love her?”

“ No.”

“And has she ever told you that she loved you?” Hyunseong said calmly.

“Once. Before our debut.” I wanted to hide away from him so I wouldn't feel even more guilty, but that was impossible and irrational – I couldn't erase the guilt I felt just by that.

“I see “ he sighed. “ I can guess why she was so cold, but man, you really messed up. I've never thought you would give up on someone you love, just because you got scared.” Hyunseong got up and pulled me up with him. “ You have to let her go, at least for now. Don’t mess with her heart.”


Days passed and I couldn’t get rid of this feeling. Like I was dead inside. I couldn’t even smile anymore, even for fans. How could I when my heart bled?
Weeks passed and I've become numb. I kept wondering how was she? Did she already forget about me? Did she move on? It would be better for both of us if she had forgotten me already. At least she wouldn't suffer.

 

~ 1 year later ~

“JEONGMIN! “ Hyunseong called, slightly annoyed by my tardiness “ Come on, we have to get ready for performance!”
Months passed and nothing has changed. I still miss her, I still have to perform. I thought when our group entered the waiting room.
It was like… I was struck by a lightning. She. Arisu. She was here. Next to Yunho and Changmin from TVXQ! Chatting happily. She moved on…?

“Are you alright? You look really pale… “ Youngmin shook my arm.

“Hyunseong… “ I looked at him as he grabbed my shoulder to revive me. “ It’s her. Next to Changmin. “ I said with a weak voice. He looked in their direction as well and his expression immediately changed. He looked like he couldn't believe that someone like her could have enter the entertainment business...

“ARISU! “ Donghyun called as he ran to her with his arms opened.

“Oh, it’s you. Long time no see “ she smiled at him as they hugged. “ I see you’re going to perform tonight as well.” Ari's eyes lit up in excitement.

“Yup, I’m here with others… Boys, come over! “ he called just Hyunseong pushed me towards them. She can’t see that I care. She can’t see… I thought while we were approaching them. “ It’s Kwangmin, Youngmin, Minwoo, Hyunseong, and… Jeongmin.” Donghyun said as she shook hands with everyone.
She was looking straight into my eyes. I didn’t have enough time to change my expression so in my eyes was still noticeable shock mixed with sadness. She smirked. I couldn't look away and I felt weaker, like she was out all of my energy.

“Nice to meet you all. Donghyun told me that you’re really fitted together, and that you – Jeongmin – have a capability for a solo career. I hope to hear your voice clearly tonight “ she smiled and turned back to Donghyun. “If you don’t mind, we need to go. I need to support my friends. We’ll catch up after the show, ok?”

“Oh, alright. I’ll text you the address of the place we visit often, we should meet up soon “ he smiled as she bowed.
She took one step back and grabbed Yunho’s hand, like she thought that I’m not going to notice, she looked me in the eye and left. With a smile on her face and not even pinch of sadness.

“Hyung, what’s with you and this girl? This looks like you have some feelings for her “ Kwangmin said to Donghyun, poking him in his arm as I still looked in the space where she was standing seconds ago.

“None of this sort “ he laughed. “ We’re just good friends, and she already has someone she loves. “ I quickly looked at Donghyun and noticed that he was looking at me as well. Did she told him? Could she?

“Yeah, better don’t try to flirt with her. I heard she is going out with Lee Joon „Kwangmin laughed.

“I don’t know much about this... But she was dumped some time ago by a guy she loves. Even though I asked her who is he, she didn’t want to tell me. She said that if she told me he would get in trouble, she doesn’t want to cause any more problems to him. I pity her, it must be hard to let go of beloved man just for his sake. “ Donghyun said while fixing his hair in the mirror.

“But, this guy must be stupid to leave such pretty woman “ Kwangmin said “ Looks like she really cared for him and loved this jerk. Pity. I’d like to date her “ he smirked.

“Maybe you will be able to do so, who knows... I talked recently with our manager. Our contract is ending, manager is thinking about removing this “no dating” rule in the new one.” Donghyun laughed.
I couldn’t listen to it anymore. I walked through the same door she walked out and immediately spotted her, looking at TVXQ! Performance from backstage. I cleared my throat so she would notice me.

“Oh, hi, Jeongmin. You also want to look? “ she smiled friendly.

“Please, don’t fool around “ I said with weak voice after making sure no one would hear us. “ I miss you so much I can’t stand it anymore. Please, don’t play with me.”
She looked me in the eye but got back to watching TVXQ immediately. There was something strange about her, like she wasn't the same woman that I knew a year ago.

“Why shouldn’t I? Haven’t I told you that I’m going to pretend that I've never met you?”

“Please, don’t… I miss you… I… “ My throat closed and I couldn’t say a word

“Oh, you see “ she laughed at me. “ Even though you’re in pain,and you miss me, and you act so sad, you still can’t say it. You’re not sure? I thought you had enough time to make up your mind.”

“I’m sorry, I’m stupid, I can’t… This is crazy. There’s no way I can put this in words “ I sighed
How could she be so cool when I was basically begging her to come back to me? … Oh, right. Why should she? I broke her heart to protect myself.

“You’re getting on my nerves “ she hissed. “ How can you… You’re just making this harder. Since we can’t be together because of your selfishness, it’s my turn to be selfish and have some time for myself to sort things in my head “ she finished with changing face expression to cheerful as Yunho and Changmin got back backstage.

“How were we? “ Changmin giggled.

“Amazing, as always! “ she smirked. “You, guys, get some water. I’ll go out for a smoke. I’ll be back as soon as possible “ she bowed and walked out.

After the performance I rushed after her as fast as I could. Since when did she started smoking?
I found her outside the station with already the second pink Black Devil in last 10 minutes between her red lips as she exhaled smoke. When I walked to her I brushed away snow from her shoulders… And I remembered this scene from a year ago.

;Flashback;

It was a cold night on December. Snow was falling from the sky and back then we were just kids making angels on snow, throwing snowballs at each other…
She was making hot chocolate when I hugged her from behind and rested my chin on her shoulder.

“My dear, are you trying to distract me from making a perfect hot chocolate for us? “she laughed.

“Um, maybe “ I said as I kissed her neck.

“Well, then you’re doing a pretty good job, but could you, let me go, before I spill something, please? “ she giggled.

“Um, no… Just put this back on counter. “ I smiled and kissed her neck once again. She could make my heart beat like crazy.

“You’re really… “ she sighed and turned around so she was facing me. “ What are you up to?”

“This “ I cupped her face and kissed her on lips. “You know, I don’t need hot chocolate as long as I have you. You warm me up better than anything…” I could see her cheeks redden.

“You are really stupid “ she murmured as she hid her face in my chest.
I loved to see her blushing from my kisses. I loved seeing her getting so shy just from my palm caressing her cheek…

;End of flashback;
“Why are you doing this? “she sighed.

“Isn’t this obvious? Because I want you back “ it was my turn to act cool.

“Huh, funny. You were the one who broke up with me “ she laughed at me “ You’re so pathetic. I can’t believe I were with you for such a long time. I can’t believe I could loved such selfish creature.”
Her words were cold and sharp, stabbing my heart with each sentence. I can’t believe I loved such selfish creature. I wanted to say something that would hurt her as much as those words hurt me but I’ve heard someone calling her name and rushing towards us.

“Arisu! I didn’t know you’re here! Why didn’t you tell me? “ he hugged her tightly and I felt like ripping his arms off but I had no right to be jealous of such simple action .“ Pabo, you’re smoking again? I told you it’s bad for your health” he said looking at pink cigarette between her fingers

“Three cigarettes per day won’t kill me “ she huffed.

“But yesterday you smoked 7 only before we… “ he cleared his throat as a drity look appeared on his face. What is happening? I thought “Never mind. Who is he? “ he said while looking at me.

“It’s Jeongmin from Boyfriend “she said bored.

“Nice to meet you, Jeongmin “ he said kindly and I finally saw him in light. He was a lot taller than me, dressed in long, black designer coat and black, heavy-looking combat boots, but the way he was looking at me... He had black hair and black, sharp eyes with dangerous look in them, sleek jaw line and snow-white complexion. His eyes were piercing through my body, I felt like I was becoming even colder due to his ice-cold gaze. “ I’m Joon, her boyfriend” I was shocked, I've never thought she could be with such guy, but my heart was hurt so deeply by this one sentence that I thought I was about to collapse.

“Actually, he is not. “ she walked into the building leaving us dumbstruck.

Arisu POV

I walked away but with every step I was just getting more angry. Why he had to appear now, just when I was getting better?

“Ari, what’s going on? “ Joon walked into the waiting room when I was looking for Yunho.

“None of your business. And, please, stop spreading gossips “ I yelled.

“Is there something between you and that Jeong…min? “ he cleared his throat like his name was some kind of slur.

“How can it be since I met him for the first time tonight? “ I murmured, still looking around for Yunho.

“It seemed like you know each other for the long time by the way he was talking to you “ he smiled sadly

“You don’t know a thing about me, you fool–“

“Hey! Don't speak to me this way! „ he raised his voice.

„What do you want from me?! „ I turned around to face him.

„The truth! I deserve that at least! „

„Why do you think so?” I felt truly sorry for him, mostly because he happend to fall for a person who at the moment was unable to love him back.

„Because I deserve to know why you scream his name in your dreams, even though you're with me now! „ his voice cracked, I knew he was hurt. „What's so great about him? What does he have that I don't?!”

„Changsun, just because we're sleeping together doesn't mean we're in a relationship... „ I sat down on a couch in the waiting room „ Rabbit, do you really think you could love such creature? „ I asked after calming down a bit. „ Why me?”

„Because I can see you. Not only your devil side, not only your hurt and broken side, but also a loving one... „ he took my hands in his „ I did not run away when you yelled and smashed mirrors, I stayed, held you when you cried... „ he sighed. „You're the most important person in my life right now. I love you, I'm not letting you go „ he smiled widely, he looked like a child in front of a candy store. „Please, stop all this madness. I'm right by your side, waiting for you to open your heart for me.” he placed my hand on his chest so I could feel his heartbeat.

„I'd cry if I hadn't have my make up on „ I smiled at him weakly „That was really cute, almost as cute as Mir's Engrish „he laughed a pulled me up. Even though I was flustered because of my unexpected meeting with Jeongmin, Joon could make me calm down, at least a little bit.

„Now, go, show them all how amazing you are „ he kissed my cheek gently and led me to the backstage.

Jeongmin POV

When Joon ran after Arisu I was still standing there, unable to grasp what has just happened but sudden sound of a car alarm brought me back to reality. I walked back into the station and right away saw him taking her hands in his, I was curious how this situation will develop so I hid behind a wall.

"Changsun, just because we're sleeping together doesn't mean we're in a relationship"

They're really together...

" I love you, I'm not letting you go "

I felt sick, I felt like I'm going to throw up. I was too late, she already had someone who loved her, who cared for her. But the worst part was that he was right, I've never deserved her. She sacrificed so much for me, but I couldn't even be honest with myself about our relationship. I've never said I loved her. I've never truly made her feel appreciated.
I walked in Boyfriend's changing room. Everyone was already there, watching MBLAQ & Arisu's special stage.

„ Hyung, look! Arisu noona is performing with MBLAQ hyungs! „ Kwangmin yelled, overly excited, as always. Mir hyung was sick, so Arisu had to fill his place for tonight. I've never heard her rap or dance before when she was with me. It's weird how much I didn't know about her, it feels like she's a totally different person.

„Let's welcome MBLAQ with a special guest – Run!” *Run – Arisu's stage name

She's also quite skilled in dancing... It makes me sick to think that she might have practiced with Joon hyung... And what might have happened after that...
I shook my head, trying to get this thought out of my mind.

"I scream out, I shout out loudly
This isn't the end, it hurts so much"

But this is...

"As days go by I get more hurt
I can't bear it anymore"

The end.
Telling me everything between us two was over on the TV, how lovely.
Hyunseong stood up and placed his hand on my shoulder "You've truly ed up your chance with this girl. I doubt she'd give you another one." he whispered so only I could hear. I was aware of that, it was no point in telling me about it again.

"Cry your heart out
I’ll chew you to pieces then spit you out"

I knew why they've picked this songs. I knew that was a message for me. Maybe I was delusional, but it sounded like this.
The special stage ended and I've ran as fast as I could to meet them backstage. They were high-fiving each other and laughing, but they've quieted down when they've noticed me. I saw Thunder hyung shooting me a killing glance but I didn't care , I walked to Joon hyung and faced him. He was taller than me and his killing gaze made me feel even shorter but what the hell...

„Do you really love her? Do you really think you will take care of her better than I would?” I asked with my voice firm.

„I know I will” he said, staring right into my eyes.

„Be a good boyfriend to her in place of me” I sighed „For now. I'm not giving up. I just wanted to let you know that.”
I wouldn't admit I was beaten, back then I thought I've just lost a battle and I still had a chance to win the war.

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