infatuated with you
just a little too
just a little too
(drabble and cringe)
It's become a problem. The kind that takes too much time, too much energy, too much effort and overall it's not worth trying to think of ways to fix it because it's one of those problems that doesn't have a solution, even if Luhan thinks it does.
But things don't necessarily go as planned, so he internally kicks himself when he can't do something simple as shutting out a more than obvious infatuation with a certain boy who must not be named (or else he'll be marathoning bare fields against repressed imagery), but Luhan knows fully well that the boy himself is not a problem.
What's problematic is Luhan's eyes, how they steadily turn from impassive looks into dream-induced gazes into blatant and hardcore stares (and justly so fantasies that cause flushed cheeks). It's what those eyes do. Moreover, it's what those eyes do because of a motivation he wishes could be less painfully obvious, made more painful by the other's obliviousness to his obviousness, because even that ignorant yawn, involuntary blink, scratch of the head is absolutely precious and those lips and those eyes and that hand should be his (should thread into Luhan's existence entirely, speaking and seeing and feeling him only).
He sits two rows down and one desk to the left and it's the perfect covert location to deal his tell-tale espionage on said boy with a smile that silences his world and burns up his cheeks and breaks him into a cold sweat until it bleeds his heart that smile is not for him.
Because Luhan has claimed him before Luhan ever knew why he feels this way. But this has gone on far too long, and the goal he sets each night for the next day is forgotten by then when he convinces himself that it's not his place to be imposing another person's life process with his own (something he will regret more than anything in this world), because that smile is his world. (With the way his unhealthy entitlement issues to own every little aspect of him cause Luhan to stare, he's pretty sure that smile will frown at him and the mere thought of that, more than anything, has his heart weeping red.)
Still, he kind of (really, really, really) wants that smile to be his. The smile first, then the gazes, the touches, and—
A bell rings, or at least he thinks so, and the beholder sweeps in, more than ready to lash out his troubles to the unsuspecting target.
"Hi, I'm Luhan. I sit two rows back and a desk to the left," he starts with, broad and blatant enough that Minseok blinks, surprised. "This is more than a greeting, though. Kim Minseok, I'm just a little too infatuated with you."
The surprised look is nice, Luhan thinks. More assuring than a frown.
(Minseok spits out his juice box, straw still clinging to his mouth, eyes idling Luhan dumbly, "W-what?"
Luhan repeats himself carefully as if Minseok is slow, and with each carefully enunciated word, Minseok's ears tint bright and blush, hiding embarrassed expression behind his juice box and sinking a little deeper into his seat.
An intense session of Luhan staring holes at Minseok's boyish face that he finally has close-up of as Minseok avoids eye contact by fabricating mazes in the tile floor while regaining speech competency ensues.
Minseok looks up, swallowing noisily, "Um, Luhan, I—")
i'm sorry. that is all. (i didn't grammar check so—)
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