I’ll Never Say Goodbye
(Part 1/3)

It’s only fitting that his last night is with Youngsaeng.

He’s already had time to say goodbye to his family, to Jungmin and HyunJoong over the phone, and to HyungJun in person. He’s content with that, he can take the next step knowing they’ll be just fine. It’s not them he’s spent the past week thinking about. 

It’s his best friend he worries over.

*

Right now, he can tell Youngsaeng is fighting sleep. Having decided to make things as normal as possible, they sit on the couch in casual clothes and watch TV after dinner. The elder man has progressively slipped lower against the cushions with every minute. His eyes flutter ever so softly and he keeps wearily pushing himself to a more upright position with a stubborn shadow over his face.  It’s not his fault really, his schedule is the busiest he’s had to endure in a long time and Kyu’s sure the emotional stress is taking its toll as well.

“Let’s go to bed,” he murmurs while picking up the remote and turning off whatever they both were pretending to watch. He’s nowhere near feeling ready to sleep but he’s not about to leave the other alone in an empty room. He refuses to do that because tonight he can still be there, he can still fill that empty space and chase away the uncertainty that looms overhead.

In the bathroom they are silent, washing up and brushing their teeth without a word. It’s in that silence that Kyu gets thinking about how much these stupid little things matter. He’s lost count of how many times they’ve shared a bathroom while traveling or promoting never mind the nights where Youngsaeng is lonely and calls him over in the dead of night. He automatically goes to put his toothbrush where it usually goes but hesitates.

“Leave it,” Youngsaeng whispers, “You’ll need it in the morning.”

The words make him want to unpack his entire bag of meager possessions and put them all where they are supposed to go. Just so things can seem like they will be normal in the morning. Just so this doesn’t feel so much like a last night.

*

In the dark, things become more real. The walls seem miles apart and despite being two bodies on a bed, Kyu feels alone. Lying on his back, he prays that the feeling is different for the man curled up beside him. He tried not to let his mind travel to far but it’s a losing battle. And then, right when he’s on the edge of the deep end, he feels Youngsaeng’s fingers brush lightly across his freshly cropped hair.

“Are you scared?”

Wetting his lips slightly, he nods. Of course he is, he’s terrified but he can’t be. Whether or not he wants things to proceed, he’s in it to the end now.

“More than debut?”

The questions are whispers that slip from the elder’s mouth but sound as if they are from a child. Kyu doesn’t know how to answer this. Everything about the army scares him to pieces but everything about leaving hurts a thousand times worse.

“Yeah,” he breathes. Reaching up, he finds Youngsaeng’s hands and pulls them to his chest. He wonders if the hammering in his chest is hard enough for his friend to feel.

“At debut I had nothing to lose,” he murmurs as he rolls over and holds those slim fingers against his like he’ll never let go. He can hear the group’s prince exhale shakily before burying his face in the pillow. On a normal night he’d automatically reach over to wipe the tears but the thought of that alone right now makes his stomach drop.

“Sleep,” he whispers. It breaks his heart to know it will be another two years before he can say this again but it’s the right thing to say, the only thing he can say.

“I’m right here.”

*

Hey everyone, I know this seems really sad but I promise the ending will be a bit more hopeful.
TripleS stay strong and wait for Kyu.
KyuJong, we love you and we're prayingfor your safety <3