Puffs of smoke vapor soon turned into puffs of nicotine as the young man lit his cigarette with shaky hands. “Smoking in spring. Heavenly.” He whispered into thin air. Then he thought of her, and gently caressed the navy colored scarf he was wearing. Tugged it down slightly around his mouth and took another puff.

 

 

I look around, it’s evident the scene has changed.

 

 

            He returned to the apartment and saw how ed up the place was. Scattered glass everywhere, shredded pieces of paper on the floor, broken dreams and promises lingering in every possible corner. He clenched his chest and felt the pain throb throughout his entire body. He roamed aimlessly around the apartment they used to share. He went into every room and looked everywhere. Uncertain of what he was looking for, but desperately seeking for something. Perhaps, desperately clinging to the memories this place has of her. 

 

 

 

I guess it’s possible that I have been a bit distracted

And the directions for me are a lot less in demand

 

          

        “Why?” he silently muttered. Why didn’t he notice the signs beforehand made him angry and frustrated at himself. When he kissed her two days ago, he did see how exceptionally pale her lips were that day and the kiss kind of tasted different. But he shrugged it off and reasoned out that maybe it was the weather and that weird-looking health bevarage Bom made her drink earlier. He touched his lips and felt the bitterness in his mouth. His eyes darted back and forth between the two rings in his palm and his reflection in the shattered mirror. “You are ed up Choi Seung Hyun.” He said with disgust.

 

            He doesn’t have the voice or the will to scream anymore and let all the emotions out, although he wanted to. His voice was lost and his heart was too tired. His mind was racing a hundred thoughts all at once. Her voice, her scent, the way her button nose would wrinkle when she laughs, or how her brows would furrow in deep concentration. Everything about her is still with him. He remembers every ing detail, every ing emotion.

 

          

  Will I ever get to where I am going?

            If I do, will I know when I am there?

 

           

            He inhales deeply and takes in the tense air that hung in the apartment, closed his eyes and thinks that it’s stupid that people actually think that pain causes numbness. If that’s so, then being numb is an emotion as well. It’s the feeling you get when the pain gets to the best of you and eats you up inside. It’s when destiny decides to play a harsh joke on you  and lets you fall in love with the most amazing woman you have ever met in your entire life. A woman who tells you you’re an idiot instead of a romantic I love you and punches you hard when you give her a bouquet of her favorite lilies. A woman who drools at the thought of ramen and lits up at the sight of dried mangoes. But that would be too much of a hippy-happy love story wouldn’t it? So lets make it more complicated and add severe Tuberculosis to the whole scenario.  

 

 

He lits another cigarette, closed his eyes and felt tears escape from his long beautiful lashes.

 

            He felt dead.

 

            “Memories are my only link to you.” He breathed.

           

            He was going nowhere.

 

            “Dara.”

 

 

There are times when I can’t seem to understand at all

And yes, it seems as though I’m going nowhere……

Really ing fast.

 

 

 

 

 

 

-Well, the only thing that's non-fictious about this is that Tabi does have long beautiful lashes :)