His life was now a nightmare from which he couldn't wake up. His relationship with Se Kyung was all over the Internet. His fans hated him now. He had placed his own career -heck, even s' careers- in jeopardy, his mum was crying, his sister had been trying to call him since morning, his manager was livid with rage and the worst was he'd hurt her. Shin Se Kyung. The love of his life. All the promises he'd made to protect her, to never let her get hurt, that she'd never be alone, he'd broken them all now. He didn't know what his fans were doing, he didn't know if they were talking bad about her, if they were hating on her now too.

The only thing he was sure of was that she was hurting as much as him, and his heart and mind couldn't bear that thought.

He had his whole life ahead of him, and he'd ruined it, he'd ruined it by being careless, careless and stupid, and now his future was bleak. Now everyone hated him. He'd destroyed Se Kyung's future too, and now she had people who hated her and people who wanted to see her suffer, all because of him, because he was stupid and selfish and-

"Jjong? Are you okay?"

He looked bleakly at Onew's head that was poking through the doorway, and Onew could just knock himself on the head with question he had just asked- of course he's not alright!- but it was too late to take it back now, and he'd spoken too loud to pretend he hadn't said anything. Instead, he gave a soft sigh and sat down beside Jonghyun on his bed, letting his hand fall awkwardly on the younger man's shoulder. At his touch, Jonghyun started sobbing again, crying out inaudible phrases between his chokes and tears.

"I-I'm so so-sorry hyung, s-so sorry", because now people were talking bad about SHINee too, not just about him, "P-Ple-ease-".

"You don't need to apologise, Jjong. You have nothing to apologise for.", and Onew gave him a well-meaning hug.

He couldn't stand watching his dongsaeng cry, and his own eyes were smarting a little now. The door creaked a little, opening to reveal the rest of the members who had been listening behind the door. They stood there in awkwardly, in silence as Jonghyun looked up at them, his eyes shining from the tears, except that's not the way they''re supposed to shine.

"I-I'm s-sorry, s-sorry for-", he broke off, unable to contain his sobs. He used his the back of his hand to wipe off his snot and tears, the action serving only to make his face dirtier, and started again with a nit more composure than the first time.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've done. I'm sorry I made our fans hate us. I'm sorry-" he broke down again, then continued nevertheless, "I'm s-sorry I had to drag you a;; d-down with m-me, because th-this is my fault, this all m-my fault, and you're all affected because of me. I don't deserve SHINee. I don't deserve you as my b-brothers, and I l-love you all so, so much, and I love her so, so m-much, and now she's hurting, and now I've hurt you, I've hurt you and her, and I'm so sorry, so, so sorry. I know I'm to blame, j-just- please- forgive me. Please, forgive me, I beg you, forgive me." , and he threw himself at their feet, on his hands and knees, begging for forgiveness.