“Oh please!” I said hushed. Just with my lips, softly. As I laugh bitterly and let a single tear flow in my left eye. I sat down facing the glass window and asked myself, Why? Why am I crying? Isn’t it what I really want? I stared at the glass window for a moment. The clouds outside tells me that it would rain soon. I stood up and walked towards the window and waited for the rain to pour and slowly wet the other side of the window. Rain. I thought. It was raining that day, when I decided to end things up. I coldly broke up with you without any reason. I left you crying in the pouring rain. I turned my back on you without you knowing why. I smiled in remorse and guilt. I broke up with my only joy, my precious baby, my dearest one, my universe, you. I don’t want to hurt you. I know in my heart that you love me with all your soul. But if we continue this relationship, it would hurt you more than I am hurting myself now. But things have gotten complicated. I was misunderstood. Everyone’s fingers are pointing at me for no particular reason. I reckon that they hate me, including you. What have I done? I am not a sinner but it’s my fault. I just kept you from hurting. I just lied to one person, to you, but I feel like I am lying to the world.

 

 

 

Why did I do that?

 

 

 

I am dying. I cannot last a year longer. Tell me. Am I selfish? Or am I a martyr? Am I a saint or a sinner? I cannot even bear the thought of you crying but I left you there in the rain, crying. At the very least, even there’s not a good riddance between the two of us, you wouldn’t see me dying. Even if you resent me, I will not see you hurting.

 

 

 

Is this the right thing to do? Tell me.

 

 

 

Or am I being selfish?

 

 

 

I put on my jacket and I went outside. Let myself be soaked in this cold, hard rain. I started to cry, hard. I’m sure no one will notice the tears flowing from my eyes. I kept walking and let my feet takes me to somewhere. I don’t know where I’m going. And my mind is in the state of breaking down. How I wish these rain drops were needles. So it would pierce through my skin and hurt me more and kill me. But it will not. This rain cannot hurt me physically. But mentally and emotionally, it slowly kills me. For I remember what I did to you that day. I remember your dazed face. You had no idea where all of this is coming from. I tried to forget all of that but now; here I am, hurting myself with my retrospections.

 

 

 

I cried harder. I saw a familiar house. Your house. Oh, I missed you, so much that my feet lead me back to you.

 

 

 

Then I passed out.

 

 

The beeping sound of the heart rate monitor wakes me. I thought at first I’m already dead. If it wasn’t for the beeping of the monitor I would really think I am dead. It’s a bright and big hospital room. It must’ve been a day has passed since I lost consciousness. Wait, how did I get here at the first place?

 

 

 

“Hey. You’re awake.” A familiar voice said. I turn my head to where I heard that voice. Then I saw you. The beauty that made my heart first melted. You’re smiling at me but your eyes tell me that you’re not happy. I reached for your face. And I felt it. It’s not a dream.

 

 

 

“You’re real. I thought I’m still dreaming.” I said coldly. Then you put away my hand. And your lips turned from a smile to a frown.

 

 

 

“So… you collapsed outside my house. Why?” You asked me. I seriously don’t know either.

 

 

 

“Dunno.” I just said indifferently.

 

 

 

“Quit this nonsense, Thunder,” You said loudly. “Of all places, why faint in front of my house?”

 

 

 

I didn’t say anything. Instead, I turned my head to the side where you can’t see my face. I just hope you get tired from my bitter act.

 

 

 

“I heard from the nurses.” You said calmly. I turned to face you again.

 

 

 

“WHAT?” I snapped.

 

 

 

“It’s cancer, right?” You said. I fell silent. All the guilt that I’ve felt ever since that rainy day concentrated into this very moment. “Why didn’t you tell me?" She said while suppressing a tear.

 

 

 

“Would that matter if I told you? I’ll be dead anyway. It’s better this way.” I said in a cold manner.

 

 

 

“Yes it would, Thunder!” You cried. “Because I love you. It would matter, stupid!”

 

 

 

You hold my hand. But I held it tighter.

 

 

 

“Sorry for that day.” I said. Then I started to cry. “I barely have a year to live. I don’t want to see you hurting because of me.”

 

 

 

“Do you know that each day seems like forever for me? I kept thinking why you left me. I tried to forget you but I just can’t stop loving you, Thunder. If you don’t want to see me cry, then I won’t. I’ll bear with it. Just please, don’t do this to me. Don’t walk away from me again okay?” You said crying all throughout.

 

 

 

“Yeah.” And then we kissed. As if we’re sealing a promise no, a vow.

 

 

 

Days, Weeks, and Months passed. My illness became severe but day by day, we’re happy. We enjoy the company of each other. We celebrate every little thing there is to celebrate. My frequent discharge at the hospital, my MORE frequent comeback to the hospital, and even the good news on TV. But some times are hard. When I can’t bear the pain in my stomach. When I lost most of my hair due to the treatment’s side effects. When I have no appetite, or I can’t eat at all. During those times, you were always there. Through the bad times and the good times. You never leave by my side. What’s more to be happy about? I can’t think of anymore blessing that God gave me, but you. It’s been a year and a month since my doctor first said that I won’t last a year longer anymore. But I am still here in the world. Who knows miracles do really exist?

 

 

 

Thank you my only joy, my precious baby, my dearest one, my universe, I love you.

 

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Author's Note: This oneshot is a bit accidental. I just tried and tried to make up a plot twist for my first story which is Twisted Hymn. But I can't find a way to mix it in because the first boyfriend is dead and I can't kill the second boyfriend that easily kekekeke so I was about to scrape it but then I realized it can be a one shot so I fabricated it and made some changes on the details and changed the character from Lee Seung Gi to Park Sang Hyun. Why? Because my older sister sugested it since she's a big fan of MBLAQ. At first she said Joon but I find him fierce looking so I picked Cheondoong because he's funny and cute. =)

Sorry if you find this oneshot very lame and if my grammar is unbearable. =(

Forgive me. =)