Eunhyuk stared into the mirror in front of him as he continued lifting weights. he had been at the weights for nearly two hours. He looked at his shirtless body--he was toned and had defined muscles, but that wasn't enough. 

 

Eunhyuk pictured Siwon, the face of Super Junior. That's who he needed to be, that's what he was working for. That was why he had stopped eating as much and began spending more time alone at the gym than at the dorm. 

 

He watched in the mirror how his body reacted as he lifted more weights. He was hungry and thirsty, but he had eaten a big lunch with the group--he didn't need dinner.

 

Eunhyuk stared, almost mesmerized as the muscles on his arms flexed and relaxed. As he watched, there was a sudden snapping sound. He watched with wide eyes as a sudden crack appeared in the mirror right where his arms had been on display. 

 

He paused in his work-out. He hadn't seen anything hit the mirror, how had it cracked?

 

Shrugging, Eunhyuk continued his work-out, this time putting down the weights in order to do sit-ups. 

 

He was about twenty in when he heard his stomach growl. Eunhyuk hissed in annoyance, only quickening his pace. He began to watch his abs in the mirror, watched how they tensed as he moved. 

 

He froze when he heard another snap and saw another crack appear just where he had been watching his abs flex. Eunhyuk cocked his head to the side, a bit confused at the odd coincidence. With another shrug, he decided to try running on the treadmill. 

 

He watched himself running in the mirror, momentarily wondering why he was no longer sweating. He watched with a grimace as his skin jumped with each quick step. It wasn’t fat—he barely had any left on his entire body—it was simply skin. However, Eunhyuk needed it to go away.

 

Siwon’s skin doesn’t move, Eunhyuk thought absentmindedly. He continued watching his body as he ran faster. 

 

Eunhyuk stumbled when he heard yet another snap and saw yet another crack cover right where he had been watching his body. 

 

He jumped off the treadmill and walked swiftly to the mirror. As he ran a finger over one of the cracks, he heard the door to the private gym open. Without paying attention, Eunhyuk continued poking the crack curiously. 

 

“There you are. What are you doing?” Eunhyuk heard the unexpected guest say. 

 

Eunhyuk looked to the side in the mirror to see Siwon walking up to him. Of course it’s Siwon, Eunhyuk thought. He suddenly really wanted to put a shirt on, but that would be suspicious. And these cracks in the mirror were currently much more interesting. 

 

“What are you doing?” Siwon repeated once he got next to the elder. 

 

“The mirror kept cracking.” Eunhyuk finally answered. He turned his attention to the mirror and ran his finger over a different crack. 

 

“What? What are you talking about?” Siwon sounded confused as he watched Eunhyuk poke the mirror. 

 

“It cracked, see.” Eunhyuk stated the obvious as he pointed. 

 

“You…You don’t look so good, Hyukjae. Are you feeling alright? We should go home.” Siwon sounded worried now. 

 

“What does that have anything to do with this? I want to know why this broke.” Eunhyuk began feeling the un-cracked parts of the mirror, trying to find if something was broken behind the glass.

 

“I don’t…I don’t see any cracks, Hyukjae.” Siwon stated, staring at his band mate instead of the mirror. 

 

“What? There are three cracks! There, there, and there!” Eunhyuk yelled at he pointed.

 

“I don’t see anything, Hyukjae. Are you sure you’re okay?” Siwon really sounded worried now. 

 

“I’m fine! I want to know why this cracked!” Eunhyuk said annoyed as he continued feeling the mirror. As he felt around, the mirror cracked, again, right in front of his face. 

 

“There!” Eunhyuk shouted, stepping back slightly. “Did you see that?”

 

Siwon looked to the mirror and back to Eunhyuk.

 

“…No…” Siwon answered with sad eyes. 

 

“What do you mean ‘no’? Look!” Eunhyuk shouted frantically as the mirror crack more. “Look!”

 

Siwon continued to stare at Eunhyuk with sad, worried eyes.

 

Eunhyuk stepped away from the mirror, watching with wide eyes as the mirror all but shattered.

 

“What’s happening?” Eunhyuk whispered, suddenly unsure of everything. 

 

“Hyukjae, I think we should go home.” Siwon said gently. 

 

“B-But the m-mirror.” Eunhyuk stuttered. His eyes never left the mirror as he watched it shatter in front of him. 

 

Siwon stepped next to Eunhyuk, his shoulder brushing the elder’s as he, too, looked to the mirror.

 

“Hyukjae, the mirror is fine. I don’t see any cracks.”

 

Eunhyuk looked at Siwon through the mirror and gasped. The mirror was cracked, he could see it, but it was only cracked over his own reflection—Siwon’s reflection was pristine. 

 

“Hyukjae, let’s go home. You need to rest.” Siwon said as he touched Eunhyuk’s arm.

 

Eunhyuk stared at the shattered mirror, trying to make sense of everything. Why was the mirror only shattered on his reflection? Why couldn’t Siwon see it?

 

Why did the mirror seem to be contorting as he watched?

 

Eunhyuk took another step away from the mirror just as he saw it shatter to pieces, glass flying towards him. As he jumped back, he felt Siwon take a sturdy hold of him before he completely out. 

 

~

 

“Hyukjae?” Eunhyuk woke up to someone running a cool hand over his forehead. Opening his eyes, he squinted at how bright the room was. 

 

“Where am I?” Eunhyuk mumbled. 

 

“You’re in the hospital.” The person answered—Eunhyuk recognized it as Siwon.

 

“Why?” Eunhyuk asked a bit confused.

 

“Eunhyuk…Hyukjae. You were malnourished and severely dehydrated.” Siwon said gently. 

 

Eunhyuk looked towards the window in the room, looked away from Siwon, the face of Super Junior.

 

“What’s wrong, Hyukjae? I can understand dehydrated, but malnourished? What’s going on?” Siwon prodded as gently as he could. 

 

Eunhyuk didn’t respond.

 

“It has something to do with how much you’ve been going to the gym lately, right?” Siwon asked knowingly.

 

Eunhyuk still didn’t answer. But his silence was answer enough for Siwon.

 

“I understand what you’re going through, Hyuk.” Siwon stated with a sigh. “I know what you’re doing.”

 

Eunhyuk finally turned to face Siwon, but remained silent.

 

“What? Do you think you’re the only flawed one out there?” Siwon asked, a small smile pulling at his lips to lighten the mood.  Eunhyuk just stared.

 

“I used to do exactly what you have been doing. I should have recognized it earlier.” Siwon said with a sigh, the smile falling. “When the kept putting me in the front for all of the pictures, I felt the need to be perfect, to be a flawless visual for the group. I worked hard at it, but not the right way.”

 

Eunhyuk could feel tears sting his eyes—he wasn’t ready to face head on what he had been doing to himself. 

 

“I used to eat with the group and then through it all up because I had been so sure that whatever I ate was going to show on the camera. I used to spend hours and hours at the gym working out by myself because I thought the others would be disgusted by how disgusting my body was. I was never good enough for myself, and nothing I did helped.”

 

Eunhyuk felt a tear fall; he quickly wiped it away in shame. 

 

“Don’t hide it, Hyuk. Cry if you want to, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.” Siwon stated firmly, almost angrily. Eunhyuk stared with wide eyes—he suddenly looked very young. 

 

“Will you promise me that you will never work-out alone anymore? If you ever want to go to the gym, ask me if you want to. Don’t work out alone because your subconscious will get the best of you and the same thing will happen as last night—you will get dehydrated and hallucinate.”

 

Eunhyuk gulped at the realization at what had happened the previous night. 

 

“The most important thing I was told once someone found out what I was doing was that for you to ever get better at anything, you must always keep yourself healthy. If you stay healthy, eat right, and work-out appropriately, you will improve yourself better than you ever would if you tried to do it in an unhealthy way.”

 

Eunhyuk just nodded as if he was listening to a parent. 

 

“Hyukjae, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you—none of us do. You need to get healthy, and stay healthy.”

 

Eunhyuk nodded, again.

 

“Without sounded too creepy…You have a great body, Hyuk.” 

 

Eunhyuk let out a chuckle—the first solid reaction Siwon had gotten from the other. Siwon joined in the small laughing fit.

 

“I couldn’t think of less creepy wording!” Siwon shouted, raising his hands in his defense. Eunhyuk nodded as he held his stomach laughing. 

 

“I’m serious though, Hyuk. I don’t even know why  you thought you needed to change so much.” Siwon continued with a shake of the head.

 

“I…umm…” Eunhyuk stated, but thought better of it.

 

“You what?” Siwon asked, suddenly curious. 

 

“You. You’re the face of the group because you are perfect. I need to be perfect, too.” Eunhyuk said, his eyes never quite locking with Siwon’s.

 

Siwon paused for a moment before laughing once again. Eunhyuk stared. 

 

“I’m sorry!” Siwon said as he tried to calm himself. “You think I’m perfect?” 

 

Eunhyuk continued to stare dumbly.

 

“I’m am possibly the farthest thing from perfect, Hyukjae.” Siwon said, laughing finally subsiding. “Like I said, I’ve been where you are, and I am still struggling with it today. The urge to purge a big meal and skip others altogether in order to work-out more effectively at the gym never goes away. I’m not perfect, Hyukjae.”

 

Eunhyuk’s eyes widened slightly. “I didn’t realize…” 

 

“I’ve never really told anyone. Hangeng was the only one who knew, but he promised that as long as I told him when I ate and worked-out with him, then he wouldn’t tell.”

 

“But he’s in China now. What do you do now?” 

 

“I like to think I’m smarter now. I make sure to eat right and pace myself. I’m also aware of when the urges come. When it’s a hard day, I will make sure that I’m constantly around people. You all complain that I love skinship too much, but really, I just need to be around people who like me for me.”

 

Eunhyuk tried to take everything in. It was all a bit much at the moment, but he was shocked to admit that he was oddly content—not in his situation really, but content with the idea that he now had someone who understood him. The fact that that person was Siwon, part of the reason of his compulsion, was a bit shocking, as well. 

 

“Can you do what I did? Tell me when you eat and only work-out with me?” Siwon asked gently. “I will help you, Hyukjae.” 

 

Eunhyuk stared for a moment, contemplating. Everything Siwon had said so far was true; Siwon had been able to read him like a book, and it was a bit scary. But comforting, as well. After hallucinating and passing out, Eunhyuk realized that he needed help—this wasn’t what normal, healthy people did. He needed help. 

 

“I want help, Siwon.” Eunhyuk mumbled. He hadn’t thought he had been loud enough for the other to hear until he felt a pair of strong arms wrap around him, pulling him into a tight hug. 

 

“I’ll help you, Hyukjae.” Siwon repeated as he held the elder close.

 

 

the end.