Monday June 4, 2009

"Today, we have lost one child ,,,,", the words of the priest no longer heard in the Yoseob’s ears. Covered by the sobs that filled the whole area of the cemetery. Yoseob threw his views to all corners of the place. Everything looks blurry in the Yoseob’s eyes that has flooded with tears. Until finally fell on the cheek.

His eyes stared blankly back at the front of a tomb. Yoseob smiled stiffly and again a tear fell and landed on his cheek. Immediately he wiped tears rolling down his cheeks. He glanced at a woman who was crying loudly underneath. Yoseob, with all his hearts bring himself to entertain her. He crouched down beside her and embrace her

"Doojoon", said the woman softly between her sobs. Yoseob gently rubbed her shoulder that shaking. Her body was shaking. Even making any Yoseob not help the tears. Once again, the tears fell.

"Doojoon you have to go back, I could not live without you. Mother did not have anyone else besides you ", she cried even harder. He was getting hysterical and did not stop calling names Doojoon and Doojoon. Yoseob hugged that woman. He also cried. His body shivered because he crying. Yoseob tried to make her quiet. But did not succeed. She was even rebellious escape from the arms of Yoseob then threw himself on the Doojoon’s tomb

Yoseob clasped his hands in front of his mouth. He stood with body that still shivering. His eyes stay glued to the woman. A soft touch on his shoulder, making Yoseob turned slowly.

"Jun,, hyung," he said haltingly. Junhyung only paused with a hand that still embrace gentle Yoseob’s shoulders. Gikwang standing next to Yoseob, hold his hand gently, "You must be strong hyung," he said softly. However Yoseob remain silent and his eyes riveted on Doojoon’s tomb

Maybe this is the heaviest burden in Yoseob’s life, or indeed even the toughest. When he had to lose someone who was always his love. When he had to lose someone who is always there at his side. As he,,,,

But this is ,the destiny God, has assigned to every human being. And no one can avoid the fate that has made the God

But Doojoon,

He must go after struggling to survive. He died after an accident and coma for 2 weeks. Yoseob incessantly come, cheer and told Doojoon to stay afloat. But ultimately, God still says another

Yoseob was awakened from his reverie when he felt a hand pulling him to go. Yoseob raised his head. The cemetery area has been deserted. The mourners had left. Just stay himself and,,

Yoseob turned slowly and saw Junhyung smiled softly at his side. Smile softly containing sadness. He grasped his hand and pulled Yoseob to go. However, Yoseob who remained silent on the spot, making Junhyung stopped and thought better to take Yoseob go.

"Talk to him. I'll be waiting ", he said and walked away leaving Yoseob that remain rooted to the spot. Yoseob sighed and sat down in front of the Doojoon’s tomb. His hand gently Doojoon's headstone.

"Hi, How are you doing?", He asked softly. He is truly stupid. How could Doojoon will answer it?

"Although you did not answer me, I know you're okay there. And I hope will always be so ", he added. Once again Yoseob sighed. He took a breath and then exhale slowly .His hand touch the Doojoon’s tomb

"Next month is your birthday. How old were you next year? Oh, yes will be 23 years old. You remember we are already planning a birthday party. You want to celebrate it with me and your friends, right? But, I guess it all in vain. You've been gone before we could celebrate. And I think, I must say it now. Happy birthday Doojoon. Hope you always be happy there. Hahaha ", laughter Yoseob sounds discordant, even in his own ears. His eyes were watery and finally back tears even fell.

"You remember, I ,,,", sobs could be heard. But he struggled to hold him, "I,, always encourage you. Telling you to survive. Even on your last day. Ironic? Yes, indeed "

"Now, what about me? Could I live like usual? Like nothing happened at all?? As if I never know if you've died? That you ,,,,", Words that he said just disconnected. Tears began to break in the area of the cemetery. Yoseob trying to cover it with both of his hands.

"I just need you. You know that? I do not need another .I just needs you. Do not you understand? ", Yoseob becoming hysterical. Started crying harder and harder.

Pathetic. It is so sad. Should all end up like this? The world now seemed dark to him. As if there was no light that illuminateshis world now. As if no one else can make him rise from the fall. There's nothing more to encourage him. Nothing else will always make it always smiling. No more,,,, No more,,,,

Yoseob wiped her wet cheeks and stood up without looking up from Doojoon’s tomb s Tears flowed freely from the eye toward Yoseob flushed cheeks to keep from crying

"Although you've gone, even for ever. For me, you will never die, you will always be alive and stood beside me. Right? You will always encourage me, smiling at me, nag me ", smiled quietly appeared on the Yoseob’s face which is now calmer. Junhyung, the unexpected, was standing beside Yoseob. Watched him without doing anything. Just stand and let Yoseob do whatever he wants to do

"I'm sure Doojoon understand. We better go home ", take Junhyung. But Yoseob in silent. He tilted his head. Drop by drop of rain landed on his forehead. He let the rain wet it little by little and did not remove the drops of rain are

He stared at the dark sky above. The clouds began to envelop Seoul. The cold air was blowing hard to pierce the heart.
In Yoseob’s mind, a thousand questions created for himself. Up to make it even does not know what to do and how to say it.

But, there is one question that really wanted him to convey

Did you really understood?

Friday, 06 July 2010

Yoseob rushed into that cake shop. Once greeted warmly by the waitress he began to walk down the shelves which contain the cookies pretty neat. He surrounds the shelves while picking out a cake which he will buy. He scratched his head confused. He looked at all the pastries. As if want to buy all the cookies without care about the price as well with the taste.

"Good afternoon, may I help you?", Asked a young waitress who wear clothing. Yoseob stared for a moment then back scratching his head with a puzzled look on his face, "I want to buy a cake", he said without looking up from pastries neatly arranged on shelves. His eyes kept running between the cookies that lined it.

"What cake?", He asked again, looking at the cake. Yoseob turned for a moment, smiled faintly, then back at a cake in front of him

"Birthday Cake"

********************************************************************************************************************************************

Yoseob breathed slowly then high-stepped through the gate and into the cemetery area. He threw his views to the surrounding cemetery. There are some people who were visiting friends or relatives here.

Yoseob looked at in a tomb in there. Look beautiful with the reflection of the sun hit it. He stepped slowly and finally stood before the tomb. He crouched down and rubbed tombstones, smiling sadly, "I come", he whispered.

He pulled out a box from the bag he was carrying earlier. He opened the box and the issuance of a layered cake of white cream. He also issued a candle from the bag. Candles are numbered from 2 and 3 he plugs in on top of the white cake and then ignited. He also put on a pedestal and placed it above the Doojoon’s tomb. Yoseob sighed for a moment

“Happy Birthday Doojoon, Happy Birthday Doojoon. Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday,,, Happy Birthday Doojoon ", Yoseob blow out birthday candles after singing Happy Birthday to Doojoon. He moved the cake on the ground beside him. smiled faintly as he wiped Doojoon’s headstone

"Congratulations! Now you've aged 23 years. May you always be happy there. But, it feels a little weird, celebrate a birthday without anyone being repeated years now ", he said quietly without looking up.

For a moment there was silence enveloped. No sound is heard. Only the rustle of the leaves of trees being blown by a gentle breeze. He want to say many things. A lot. But he was confused where to start. He let the wind gently rubbed his body. Makes him a little shiver, but did not make his eyes off from Doojoon’s tomb

"Doojoon", he called. He ducked, then looked up and looked back at the tomb.

"During the past month, I've been thinking hard. I'm also confused exactly what I was thinking. I'm stupid,right? "

"I feel, it's time step. I don’t want to keep running in place. You also have said it, Don't ever walk in place. Although the storm that hit very hard, try to keep going. Do you still remember? Maybe you don’t remember, but I still really remember it ", he said. Yoseob took a deep breath and slowly exhale.

"That's what I want to do now. I want to continue running, even though the state asked or even forced me to stop. I will run and keep running. I'll do what I should do. I'll start trying to smile without you, Trying to laugh and be happy without you ",

"But," he paused, "If you think I run to forget you, You are wrong. One big. I want to walk, because I don’t want to make you and my family worry. I want to walk, because I want to start something new. I do not want to continue like this .Like disoriented and did not know what to do. I would suggest that you were able to rise. Walking does not mean to forget you, but it means that I have letting you go .Maybe one day I'll find your place, but I will not forget you ", he breathed a sigh of relief. Finally he managed to say what he wants to say even with tears welling and heart pain.

Yoseob put white cake in front of headstone of Doojoon’s tomb. He rose and bowed toward the headstone. He tried to smile even though he was sure his smile was certainly looks very forced. Yoseob forcing his legs to step out from cemetery .Before he out from cemetery, he still managed to turn the Doojoon’s tomb. Smiling softly, and stepped out again

Yoseob turned upwards. He looked at the calm blue sky and white clouds decorated the net. He was silent for a moment

Hey Doojoon. You're definitely looking at me from there. You must have been nagging at me. You must be mad to see me as someone who is losing direction. Even you want to hit my head as often you do to me. Right? Yes I am indeed being lost. And confused what to do. But, you must have heard my words earlier. That I will continue to run under any circumstances. I will arise and go back to my old self. Return to smile, laugh and go back to work. Oh ya, you don’t like me working too hard. Well, I'm not going to work too hard.

Doojoon~a. May I ask for an application to you? I want you to let me cry as much today. Just for today. After all,I will come back laughing and smiling. I will not cry and fall if the storm is being rushed at me. I will be strong. I will not cry anymore. Can you allow me? I promised, I will never cry again, then fell again and make me become weak. I will be strong and tough. I'm not going back to being the first Yoseob.. I'll be Yoseob you've changed. That is not whiny and hard worker. Being Yoseob you know, a spirit that is always Yoseob undergo any

I promise.

Yoseob down for a moment. A tear fell to the ground. Deftly, he wiped his eyes blurred vision that has been made. He lifted his head, looking forward, staring blankly at the scene before him. He started walking again .In his heart, he said,

It's time for me to get up and running. All that has happened, would be a wonderful memories. I would cry as much today. After that, I'll come back smiling and laughing. Through the day with this beautiful smile and laughter

All the memories that,, .. If you're thinking forget it, you're wrong. I will continue to keep it while walking past the time. I will continue to remember everything. You are, what we have done, I will continue to remember it. I will smile and laugh at the memory. And will weep at the memory as well.

This is my last message to you. I hope, you're always happy. I hope God will always take care of you. I hope, you were always smiling and laughing there. Always keep an eye on me from there, and gave me the spirit to live everything. Always told me to keep going when I started to lose direction. And please,,,

Remember me always miss you